Is this request rude or racist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if she had cancer treatment and bought 2 wigs? Or showed up bald? I doubt boss would say anything at that point so yes racist.

My principal is very uncomfortable with me returning to school bald, but is also uncomfortable with allowing staff to wear non-religious head coverings. He suggested that I wear a wig, not understanding that wigs for cancer patients are not the same as fashion wigs so they are more expensive. Plus, the medical wig suppliers do not even try to make realistic looking wigs for black patients, especially not those of us with naturally kinky or coily hair. If I had hundreds of dollars beyond the $300 insurance copay for a medical wig AND I lived in Boston or Atlanta, I’d have more options, but I’m broke and I’m not traveling as a cancer patient during Covid just to cover my head in the way he thinks is acceptable.

[Anonymous]

I hope none of the people in this retirement community watch RHOBH or else they would be completely lost.

[Anonymous]

Racism does not mean whatever you want it to be. And that's today's problem. People are viewing every single thing as racism. You know, black people can be called upon for misbehavior and for not following procedures because they are misbehaving and not following procedures and it's not racist.

The boss wasn't being racist. The boss had a valid point. The boss is the boss. The employee should comply. If she doesn't like it, she can find another job.

The only way we can possibly interpret this as racism would be if white or other non black employees were wearing and changing wigs regularly and not getting any comments. But the OP did not provide any such history, so there is no grounds nor excuse for thinking it's racism. In fact, it's a pretty clear cut case of the boss being respectful and mindful of the residents of his community who need stability and that is the first priority, not an employee's ability to change her wig daily. OP, in fact, is clearly pretty selfish to not even consider the context and that it's a community with residents suffering from dementia. They are the ones who are important, not the employee, and the employee needs to know her place and priorities in that environment.

[Anonymous]

There is a looong ongoing issue with people in "power" (teacher, service provider, employer) deciding to implement a new rule out of the blue because they are uncomfortable with someone of another race. It IS racist whether the person is cognizant of their racism or not. It may sound reasonable but not if the industry does not already have these guidelines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Context is working at a posh, upscale retirement community. If the manager pulls a worker aside and request that she not wear different "confusing" wigs to work. This worker wears different wigs that all look like they are growing out of her scalp, but one day it will be a short dark brown bob, the next it will be jet black long and curly, another day it may be a dark brown pixie cut. These obviously are wigs that look really natural. If the manager makes this request on the grounds that the residents (some with dementia) will be confused, is this unreasonable?

Is it an elder care facility? Dementia patients? I can see this being a case of confusing the residents.

[Anonymous]

It drives me nuts that I don't recognize plain people. If you have some different hair, height or weight thing going I will recognize you forever otherwise I might see you daily and still see you as a stranger. I don't mean to offend but canNOT remember plain faces/hair. Now, if you are a woman who changes hair often you can bet I will not forget who you are lol. This argument is that supervisor's issue and has no merit.

[Anonymous]

Call it what you will, it is discrimination. OP was discriminated against based on her looks.
The end.

[Anonymous]

So, all these patients with dementia filed a lucid complaint with the management against the black woman... bcs she changes her wigs often?
Yeah, right!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if she had cancer treatment and bought 2 wigs? Or showed up bald? I doubt boss would say anything at that point so yes racist.

My principal is very uncomfortable with me returning to school bald, but is also uncomfortable with allowing staff to wear non-religious head coverings. He suggested that I wear a wig, not understanding that wigs for cancer patients are not the same as fashion wigs so they are more expensive. Plus, the medical wig suppliers do not even try to make realistic looking wigs for black patients, especially not those of us with naturally kinky or coily hair. If I had hundreds of dollars beyond the $300 insurance copay for a medical wig AND I lived in Boston or Atlanta, I’d have more options, but I’m broke and I’m not traveling as a cancer patient during Covid just to cover my head in the way he thinks is acceptable.

See, I think this is problematic. Why can’t you return to school bald? I’m a former teacher, and even kindergarten students can learn that sometimes women lose their hair. No need to get into why. Just say, “It’s private. Please don’t ask.” I wouldn’t fault anyone for being unaware of the price of various wigs, though. The original OP seems fine to me, because it’s asking her to accommodate people with a disability. I would expect the manager to pull aside someone with newly blue hair as well, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call it what you will, it is discrimination. OP was discriminated against based on her looks.
The end.

Regardless of what you think, this would likely not meet the legal definition of discrimination in the workplace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Racism does not mean whatever you want it to be. And that's today's problem. People are viewing every single thing as racism. You know, black people can be called upon for misbehavior and for not following procedures because they are misbehaving and not following procedures and it's not racist.

The boss wasn't being racist. The boss had a valid point. The boss is the boss. The employee should comply. If she doesn't like it, she can find another job.

The only way we can possibly interpret this as racism would be if white or other non black employees were wearing and changing wigs regularly and not getting any comments. But the OP did not provide any such history, so there is no grounds nor excuse for thinking it's racism. In fact, it's a pretty clear cut case of the boss being respectful and mindful of the residents of his community who need stability and that is the first priority, not an employee's ability to change her wig daily. OP, in fact, is clearly pretty selfish to not even consider the context and that it's a community with residents suffering from dementia. They are the ones who are important, not the employee, and the employee needs to know her place and priorities in that environment.

This. The wannabe victim of “racism” is disregarding the actual victims (of dementia) who she is supposed to be taking care of!!! All in the name of fashion, from the sound of things. And people are defending her effed up priorities because it’s trendy to view GD everything as racist right now.

[Anonymous]

Is this a request (employee can decline) or a requirement? If it's a requirement is it outlined in the employee manual or some other official document? Managers can't just make up and enforce rules on the fly. I can imagine a nursing home having a rule about continuity of appearance but if they don't, individual employees shouldn't be burdened with these requests. And, pp, I'm so sorry that you are dealing with that pricipal-not fair, not sensitive, and really not in the best interest of the kids-dealing with stuff like a teacher being sick is part of life. Thinking of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if she had cancer treatment and bought 2 wigs? Or showed up bald? I doubt boss would say anything at that point so yes racist.

My principal is very uncomfortable with me returning to school bald, but is also uncomfortable with allowing staff to wear non-religious head coverings. He suggested that I wear a wig, not understanding that wigs for cancer patients are not the same as fashion wigs so they are more expensive. Plus, the medical wig suppliers do not even try to make realistic looking wigs for black patients, especially not those of us with naturally kinky or coily hair. If I had hundreds of dollars beyond the $300 insurance copay for a medical wig AND I lived in Boston or Atlanta, I’d have more options, but I’m broke and I’m not traveling as a cancer patient during Covid just to cover my head in the way he thinks is acceptable.

This PP: warm hugs. This is horrible - your principal is very uncomfortable? Is *cancer* comfortable? Puh-leeze! I guarantee your students (and parents) just are relieved and grateful that you are returning and healthier - who cares if you are bald? I had many bald teachers!

Isn’t this sexist then? PP if you were male and lost your hair or shaved your head, non-issue.

What if I decided to shave my head as a 50 professional female? Would I be disciplined?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, all these patients with dementia filed a lucid complaint with the management against the black woman... bcs she changes her wigs often?
Yeah, right!

That's an interesting bar. I guess mistreatment is fine until they file a formal, lucid complaint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, all these patients with dementia filed a lucid complaint with the management against the black woman... bcs she changes her wigs often?
Yeah, right!

Maybe management noticed dementia patients being confused/frightened/agitated when a stranger came into their room…and the stranger was Nurse Nancy in a purple pixie cut wig.

I was picturing Annie Potts’ character in Pretty in Pink and her ever-changing wigs. Or Moira Rose.