Do you talk to parents of the opposite sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad's probably a cheater.


But it's totally fine to talk to parents of the opposite sex. Talk not flirt, I generally consider flirting in font of your kids tacky.

I would be friendly to the mom or dad equally until I met "cheater dad". I never flirt but I think my treating him as I treat other dads I know made him think "shes flirting with me". He made a move, I freaked out and still never want to talk to any guys again for fear of being misinterpreted. I know others are not him but cannot get over how horrifying it was. My biggest fear is if he mentioned me to others. I could not believe after all these years someone would make a move like some nutty teen.

Physically made a move, or asked you out for coffee or other such ambiguous (but still arguably inappropriate) gesture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would feel comfortable with her reading everything that is written and often send my greeting a to her through him, happy bday etc, but she still does not reciprocate which bums me out a little.

Newsflash she isn't reciprocating your hbds or Merry Christmases or Happy Anniversarys or whatever because he doesn't give her those messages because its weird to text someone of the opposite sex while married all day . . . . He is hiding this from her! It doesn't matter if you would feel comfortable with her reading it because she isn't. Also, given your low standards for crossing the line, probably some of what you're talking about is crossing a line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only if they are my spouse

You sound like you have stockholm syndrome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would feel comfortable with her reading everything that is written and often send my greeting a to her through him, happy bday etc, but she still does not reciprocate which bums me out a little.

Newsflash she isn't reciprocating your hbds or Merry Christmases or Happy Anniversarys or whatever because he doesn't give her those messages because its weird to text someone of the opposite sex while married all day . . . . He is hiding this from her! It doesn't matter if you would feel comfortable with her reading it because she isn't. Also, given your low standards for crossing the line, probably some of what you're talking about is crossing a line.

Again the judgments here based on total assumptions are just ludicrous. We literally talk almost exclusively about COVID data, the Trump administration (well no longer, yay) and finance. Super racy I know. Oh my oh my what will the neighbors say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uhhh... I'm having a hard time believing that this really happened. Of course I talk to other parents, male or female. Same with my husband. But we're adults and I trust him not to pick up women at the playground and he extends that same trust to me... lol.

OP here. I live in a very….dramatic….community. Mostly people from another culture where jealousy and control are the norm. Once I dated a hot guy (I’m divorced) and my friends’ husbands banned me from bringing him to get-togethers in case their wives, I dunno, hooked up with him in the bathroom.

So I’m not totally surprised, but just wanted a reality check that this isn’t normal. I don’t want to cause trouble for anyone but I also don’t want to be treated like I’m some temptress looking to steal husbands (that I don’t even want, ha).

NP here. I think it’s odd that the daughter was the enforcer. That said, I tend to err on the side of being conservative about these things and I won’t just go up to a dad and strike up a full on one on one conversation with just us. If it’s a larger group of people no issue if they get pulled into the conversation. If it’s a one off, like you see their kid do something cute or conversely if the kid fell, I might might make a quick comment. But I honestly don’t want to open up the potential for there to be a misunderstanding about flirting or interest with a parent of the opposite gender. I am also cautious in general about people that I don’t know and my kids don’t know.

You are preserving an outdated and very damaging outlook on relations between men and women by doing that. The world is a better place when fathers look after their kids, go on paternity leave, talk to other parents about their children. They cannot do that if they are limited to a small pool of other fathers. It doesn't make the job of engaged father very appealing, does it, if the women shun you just because of your sex? If you don't engage with all parents regardless of sex, all you're doing is perpetuating gender stereotypes. And we all know what that does: continued gender imbalance in the home and in the workplace, and thus continued challenges for your daughters to grow into careers and challenges for your sons to grow into engaged fathers.

NP, but as a dad who has never cheated and never wants to be tempted to or to give my wife suspicions that I'm doing something dirty, there's an old saying that goes something like if you don't bring that around you, you've got nothing to worry about. I'm not in a position where I'm going to be completely rude or ignore another parent, but casual conversation can become a slippery slope into noticing her nice body to wondering if she was flirting, to her really flirting or whatever. If I need to talk to her about something (say we arrive at a swing at the same time so there's confusion about whose kid gets on), then we'll talk and work out our. But I'm not really interested in any rumors going around the neighborhood about how "friendly" I am.

So you can’t have a casual conversation with a woman without worrying about it turning into something else? I mean, that’s nuts. Don’t you ever have to have conversations with women at work?? How on earth do you manage that if a conversation at a playground is fraught with potential peril?

I can, but I have to be cautious about similar things. And to this extent also understanding that I'm in a position of power and I don't want anyone thinking they've got to be my friend or talk to me to get ahead. I can and will have lots of content related stuff. But I'm very aware about when a conversion crosses lines and am asking myself if this is still a conversation I could tell my wife about.

Also work is different because much of work conversations happen through email and over a computer, so we can talk for a month or a few months with me having no idea how a person looks and what their gender is.

When I got married, I made a choice and part of that was to make sure my wife could trust me. I don't want her to trust me because I say to do so, I want her to trust me because my actions warrant trust. My marriage is not with playground moms or the women at work. It's with my wife who I love dearly. And I don't want to mess that up. Maybe I'm too cautious, but as a guy who made a lot of mistakes in his life, this is one that I'm not going to make.

Maybe when we've been married for 25 years I'll look back on this and say I was too restrictive on myself and have not friends, but I don't have friends in general. And I don't like talking to random people in general. If I have a parenting question, I'll come here rather than talk at the playground. So I'm not missing much by not talking to most people at a playground.

[Anonymous]

Goodness it’s a conversation, not a candlelit dinner. I know my husband would never cheat. I don’t need to leash and muzzle him just in case.

You absolutely are missing out if you never talk to people out of fear of gossip or adultery. We might as well just have women start going around veiled with chaperones. Over the last few days I’ve had conversations with married men in various contexts — yesterday the son of a neighbor was visiting, our kids played and I (gasp) talked with him about everything from current politics to his childhood and books and TV shows. You talk with people to talk with people and broaden your worldview, period. Flirting for me is going to a bar and dancing, having drinks one on one, touching someone while talking. A conversation in broad daylight with a random person is just that.