I worked at a daycare for 5 years, nannied for 5 years and have now been a SAHM for 5 years. AMA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask me your questions about daycare, nannies and childcare in general.

Do you know that “nannied” is not a verb

I am not OP but just wanted to say how cute it is that you never learned how to google.
https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/nannied

It is cuter that you use Google but do not spell it correctly.

[Anonymous]

Do you think a educated nanny can be as good and committed as an educated, motivated SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you do about toddler tantruming? I feel like my almost 2.5 yo just....cannot ever want things that he can have. He only wants things he cannot have. He screams and cries so intensely more than a dozen times a day because he can’t get what he wants (usually something unsafe or impossible). What do we do when he’s melting down continuously like that? We are all so rattled from the non stop screaming. As a family we are at the end of our rope. I dont enjoy any of the time I spend with him, it’s like a countdown always to nap or bedtime.

I don't like the sounds of it. Time will tell if he has problems, but this sounds excessive.

Make sure you are not "rewarding" this behavior in any way by having it often result in what he is trying to get. I would ignore it (as long as he is safe during the meltdown of course) and when he is a little tired of the drame, try to distract with some activity he enjoys but not what you had said No to. He has to learn that the tantrum is not effective.

Good luck. Perhaps he will come around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think a educated nanny can be as good and committed as an educated, motivated SAHM?

It depends.

Does the mother want to be a SAHM? If not, a nanny is going to be a better option. If the mom wants to stay at home, that’s the best option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you do about toddler tantruming? I feel like my almost 2.5 yo just....cannot ever want things that he can have. He only wants things he cannot have. He screams and cries so intensely more than a dozen times a day because he can’t get what he wants (usually something unsafe or impossible). What do we do when he’s melting down continuously like that? We are all so rattled from the non stop screaming. As a family we are at the end of our rope. I dont enjoy any of the time I spend with him, it’s like a countdown always to nap or bedtime.

That’s a tough one.

Of course it’s age-appropriate for children at that age to throw fits and want what they can’t have but it seems like your concerned about how often this is happening and more importantly how it’s affecting your family and your relationship with your child.

I’ll be honest, I never handled tantrums well. I get frustrated really easy. Especially with my own kids. I feel like everyone has a different opinion on how to approach tantrums from ignoring or disciplining or helping the child through their emotions.

I do all three, I guess. They can have they tantrum and if they want they can sit in my lap or give me a hug if they’re upset. But, they cannot hit, kick, hurt people or throw objects. If the fit is going on for too long or I’m truly overwhelmed and can’t take the screaming I’ll usually tell the child (if older than 18 months) that they’re hurting my ears and leave the room and let them know I’m here if they need me.

My son didn’t have tantrums often but they were so long. If he was upset he’s scream and cry and make a scene until we literally had to jump through hoops to make him happy again. I’d get beyond annoyed after ten minutes and didn’t feel like I needed to distract him from the fact that he’s pissed he didn’t get a sip of my Diet Coke.

I’m a firm believer and letting kids feel their emotions. I see parents work hard to make sure they’re kids are happy all the time and the kids have a really hard time self regulating emotions because they’re never allowed to practice those skills. It’s disappointment and disappointment isn’t fun. I label emotions, “you’re angry. I know, but you can’t kick..hit.. etc..”

What worked for my son is a calm down space (we built it in his closet) that had pillows, low lights, and a few “calming toys” and music. 75% of the time he’s to and throw his fit and then calm down and come back. It wasn’t a punishment but an option we made appealing. But sometimes he preferred to stay and continue screaming and honestly we’d just leave the room or something because *I* needed a break and to calm down.

He doesn’t do this as much anymore.

But if you feel like it’s excessive (it might be) I’d consult your pediatrician. If there are underlying issues you’d want to know now.

[Anonymous]

IDGAF

[Anonymous]

Do you see a different in what kind of parent sends their kid to daycare versus hires a nanny versus stays at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think a educated nanny can be as good and committed as an educated, motivated SAHM?

Not OP but yes! Our nanny, with a degree in ECE and preschool teaching experience, is better than DH or me in teaching and engaging our kids as she has a skill set we don’t possess. It’s like asking if a parent can do a better job teaching elementary school than an actual teacher. And Nanny loves our kids so much!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you see a different in what kind of parent sends their kid to daycare versus hires a nanny versus stays at home?

Mostly class differences.

In my experience, parents who send their kids to daycare are working class, parents who have a SAHP are middle class and parents with a nanny are upper class.

A lot of the decisions with what to do for childcare depends on income, not wishes or wants, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you see a different in what kind of parent sends their kid to daycare versus hires a nanny versus stays at home?

Mostly class differences.

In my experience, parents who send their kids to daycare are working class, parents who have a SAHP are middle class and parents with a nanny are upper class.

A lot of the decisions with what to do for childcare depends on income, not wishes or wants, unfortunately.

Wrong.

We’re very wealthy. Probably wealthier than most people who post here. We both have very demanding, high earning jobs yet our children go to daycare. I’d rather my children be around others and get socialization rather than be raised by some weirdo who wants to raise other people’s kids for a living because they can’t find anyone to have some of their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you see a different in what kind of parent sends their kid to daycare versus hires a nanny versus stays at home?

Mostly class differences.

In my experience, parents who send their kids to daycare are working class, parents who have a SAHP are middle class and parents with a nanny are upper class.

A lot of the decisions with what to do for childcare depends on income, not wishes or wants, unfortunately.

Wrong.

We’re very wealthy. Probably wealthier than most people who post here. We both have very demanding, high earning jobs yet our children go to daycare. I’d rather my children be around others and get socialization rather than be raised by some weirdo who wants to raise other people’s kids for a living because they can’t find anyone to have some of their own.

Wouldn’t that make daycare workers weirdos too?

BTW, you couldn’t possibly sound more unattractive, PP, as well as creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you see a different in what kind of parent sends their kid to daycare versus hires a nanny versus stays at home?

Mostly class differences.

In my experience, parents who send their kids to daycare are working class, parents who have a SAHP are middle class and parents with a nanny are upper class.

A lot of the decisions with what to do for childcare depends on income, not wishes or wants, unfortunately.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you see a different in what kind of parent sends their kid to daycare versus hires a nanny versus stays at home?

Mostly class differences.

In my experience, parents who send their kids to daycare are working class, parents who have a SAHP are middle class and parents with a nanny are upper class.

A lot of the decisions with what to do for childcare depends on income, not wishes or wants, unfortunately.

Wrong.

We’re very wealthy. Probably wealthier than most people who post here. We both have very demanding, high earning jobs yet our children go to daycare. I’d rather my children be around others and get socialization rather than be raised by some weirdo who wants to raise other people’s kids for a living because they can’t find anyone to have some of their own.

Ha ha! Yeah, right. You sent your two-month-old to daycare for the socialization!

BTW, most nannies have their own children. It’s the young daycare workers who, by your definition, would be the weirdos who can’t find someone to have their own children with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you see a different in what kind of parent sends their kid to daycare versus hires a nanny versus stays at home?

Mostly class differences.

In my experience, parents who send their kids to daycare are working class, parents who have a SAHP are middle class and parents with a nanny are upper class.

A lot of the decisions with what to do for childcare depends on income, not wishes or wants, unfortunately.

While this is true, I do know a number of very well off families that choose daycare because they think it's better. The big selling point in DC is usually language immersion. People who are really into language immersion (and so many rich parents in DC are very, very into it) have options for some Spanish and French language immersion daycares, some of which are extremely fancy with amazing field trips and specialist teachers who come in to do baby/toddler yoga and stuff. These are not typical daycares and they are very pricy, probably more comparable to a full time nanny than most centers.

Obviously lots of wealthy families will also hire nannies who do language immersion, but at that cost level it might just depend on personal preferences. Some people really don't want to have household help, or instance, or really value socialization as others have mentioned.

I do agree that SAHP is the middle class option. We are middle class and I didn't originally plan on SAHMing but like OP, my options were a pretty mediocre daycare that it was hard to imagine leaving a 3 month old baby at, or staying home for a a year or two. We made me being a SAHM for a bit work. A nice daycare or a nanny, or even a nanny share, just weren't in the cards for us financially. It was annoying to me how all our richer friends treated my decision to SAHM as some kind of fundamental belief about child rearing (like I didn't trust others to care for my baby, or had some super traditional view about babies needing to be with their mothers or something). They couldn't understand that it was just the best childcare option available to us, and that everyone usually chooses the highest quality option they can afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you see a different in what kind of parent sends their kid to daycare versus hires a nanny versus stays at home?

Mostly class differences.

In my experience, parents who send their kids to daycare are working class, parents who have a SAHP are middle class and parents with a nanny are upper class.

A lot of the decisions with what to do for childcare depends on income, not wishes or wants, unfortunately.

IME, working class sends to cheap in-home, probably not licensed, or uses "kith and kin" care, middle class sends to daycare centers or SAH, upper class does nannies.