I worked at a daycare for 5 years, nannied for 5 years and have now been a SAHM for 5 years. AMA.

[Anonymous]

Did you ever not like a kid at all? How did you handle that?

[Anonymous]

What was the most difficult situation you ever had to deal w as a daycare worker and as a nanny?

[Anonymous]

Do you see the nanny world changing? I’m seeing more American college educated nannies with preschool teaching experience than ever before. The nanny-guru in our neighborhood is an older retired teacher with a MA in childhood education but also am seeing lots of young women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think there are innate differences in little boys and little girls?

It’s hard to tell because I do believe children are socialized at a very younger age but from what I’ve seen...

Like 50% of boys like traditionally “boy things” and 50% of girls like traditionally “girl thinks” and 30% of each like all toys regardless of gender and the other 20% gravitate towards interests/toys/friends of the opposite gender.

I do think there is like, a male and female brain but I think it’s a spectrum and a lot of people and children are somewhere in the middle regardless of biological sex.

Personally, my daughter likes dolls, my son likes cars. My youngest (girl) likes both but has an older sibling of each gender. So who knows.

I will say it is crazy how much people gender their babies like straight from birth. That must take a toll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a person who has witnessed and experienced how daycare and nannies affect children, is that one of or the main reason you are now a SAHM?

Several reasons.

Financially it wouldn’t make sense for me to work at a daycare as they notoriously underpay and the majority of my check would go to putting my own children in daycare as well.

Nannying while putting my own kids in daycare wasn’t an option and we tried the “bring your kid to work” thing while nannying and it didn’t work out. I felt like my kid was getting the raw end of the deal and at the will of my employers.

We made me staying at home work. I also keep my husband coworkers kid (one child) three days a week for the past few years and that basically covers all our groceries.

On a personal note. I’d never put my baby in a daycare center. I worked at two different, decent centers and I see not benefit to it. I get for many parents that’s their only option but until 18 months I do not see any benefits. Only cons (basic needs are met, but beyond they fall short, by no fault of staff. You have to remember childcare centers are a business.). I DO see the benefit of daycare or preschool in a 2/3/4 year old depending on the individual child. My oldest started going part time at 3.5 and it was a great decision. Obviously hiring a nanny wasn’t in the cards, although I do know high earning nannies who hired nannies for their own kids but that’s truly bizarre to me... so staying at home makes the most sense. Plus it’s easy to go back to nannying once my youngest is in school.

Thanks for answering my question. I agree that daycare is not the best for infants and young toddlers, although under certain circumstances it is better than the alternative. Like if parents don't want to stay home with their young children and can only afford daycare as opposed to nanny then the daycare is probably better than a child home with a parent who does not want to be a SAH parent.

I too decided to never put my children in a daycare center as a result of working in one. I know many DCUM parents vehemently disagree that it is bad for infants and young toddlers but I can only assume they want something different for their kids from what I wanted for mine at that age. Also, I loved staying home with my kids, I worked later on when they were in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What was the most difficult situation you ever had to deal w as a daycare worker and as a nanny?

Working at a daycare was so stressful because there were just so many kids. Trying to meet everyone’s basic needs made the day go by fast but I never had a break. I had a child choke once (on an apple core) but the Heimlich worked immediately. That was the most stressful incident but my day to day was very stressful.

As a nanny I felt like it was emotionally stressful? Spending that much time with someone else’s kid and doing doctor runs and basically becoming a third parent is very emotionally taxing. I had a child who had an allergic reaction and that was incredibly stressful as I was alone. Having coworkers makes it easier but being alone is scary.

It turned out well, thankfully. Despite being a very anxious panicky person I tend to do really well in high areas or dire situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually have a parenting question, but I figure you might be a good resource given all the experience with very young kids.

I have a 3 yr old who has 100% regressed on potty training and will no longer even consider it (like we're back in pull-ups full time and child has total meltdown if we even offer underwear). No amount of incentivizing, bribing, positive reinforcement has worked. I am at a loss. Pediatrician told me to just relax and let it happen on its own, and said that taking the pressure off is the best approach. My mom thinks I should send kid to OT and keep prompting, requiring child to sit on potty, etc., until it happens. WWYD?

Does your DC seem to have a fear of using the toilet or are they just not interested? Do they seem to have any sensory issues? Anxious child or stubborn (or both?) I’ve had a handful of children with a phobia of using the toilet due to chronic constipation. It’s definitely an issue I’d address with a pediatrician and possibly get other professionals involved. A meltdown when offering underwear could be anxiety? Do they have painful stools? Any recent UTIs? New sibling?

But overall I agree with your pediatrician. Sometimes the pressure can be too much and they want to take control. I’d totally drop the subject for awhile and don’t even address it. Give them a little break (don’t offer underwear, don’t talk about the toilet) but..I’d have them assist more in diapering. At this age a typical child knows what needs to happen. Have them help grab diaper, throw it away and take your time. Make diaper changes obviously fine, but slow and boring so they don’t see it as the easier option. I think given that there are no other issues, your goal is to help them realize using the toilet is the easier option. If that 4th birthday is approaching and there is still no progress I may check in with your pediatrician again.

My older two and most of my older two and most of my nanny kids were 3ish when they fully potty trained and it was overall on their own terms. Not a huge fan of pushing it at 18-24 months but it works for some kids. Many seem to regress.

Best of luck!

Thank you, that's so helpful! Our ped also suggested the thing about having her help with diapering too. I will tell my mom to chill out and stay the course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you see the nanny world changing? I’m seeing more American college educated nannies with preschool teaching experience than ever before. The nanny-guru in our neighborhood is an older retired teacher with a MA in childhood education but also am seeing lots of young women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your own kids?

I do not see the point of parenting AMAs with parents whose kids are not teens yet. Pride goes before a fall and all that. I have way too much experience with teens.

I’m expecting questions about working in a childcare more than parenting I guess. My kids are 5, 3 and 14 months. Don’t expect any questions about parenting, isn’t this board full of them?

Well, I just wouldn't take the answers super seriously, that's all.

I'm around a lot of teens. I can tell a lot about their families, but whether they went to daycare, had a nanny, SAHM, grandmother,.etc? It's irrelevant. When I do find out, it's often a surprise. Or it's some combination, or a few different things, or whatever.

I realize that at the age your kids are, this seems very immediate, of course. But as someone who has done a lot of childcare, and who is also around a lot of teens, I think DCUM obsesses overly much on infant childcare (and not nearly enough on teen care, but that's another story).

[Anonymous]

Stock answers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you see the nanny world changing? I’m seeing more American college educated nannies with preschool teaching experience than ever before. The nanny-guru in our neighborhood is an older retired teacher with a MA in childhood education but also am seeing lots of young women.

I’m not sure how it is now but I knew plenty of nannies with degrees. Many with Masters and even PhDs. In some fields you realize that nannying pays better than social work, teaching, or trying to find a post-doc.

Although some of the best nannies I knew were HS graduates who started babysitting in high school and just continued with it.

But I’d say more nannies are college educate than ever, but I think most people are as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a person who has witnessed and experienced how daycare and nannies affect children, is that one of or the main reason you are now a SAHM?

Several reasons.

Financially it wouldn’t make sense for me to work at a daycare as they notoriously underpay and the majority of my check would go to putting my own children in daycare as well.

Nannying while putting my own kids in daycare wasn’t an option and we tried the “bring your kid to work” thing while nannying and it didn’t work out. I felt like my kid was getting the raw end of the deal and at the will of my employers.

We made me staying at home work. I also keep my husband coworkers kid (one child) three days a week for the past few years and that basically covers all our groceries.

On a personal note. I’d never put my baby in a daycare center. I worked at two different, decent centers and I see not benefit to it. I get for many parents that’s their only option but until 18 months I do not see any benefits. Only cons (basic needs are met, but beyond they fall short, by no fault of staff. You have to remember childcare centers are a business.). I DO see the benefit of daycare or preschool in a 2/3/4 year old depending on the individual child. My oldest started going part time at 3.5 and it was a great decision. Obviously hiring a nanny wasn’t in the cards, although I do know high earning nannies who hired nannies for their own kids but that’s truly bizarre to me... so staying at home makes the most sense. Plus it’s easy to go back to nannying once my youngest is in school.

Thanks for answering my question. I agree that daycare is not the best for infants and young toddlers, although under certain circumstances it is better than the alternative. Like if parents don't want to stay home with their young children and can only afford daycare as opposed to nanny then the daycare is probably better than a child home with a parent who does not want to be a SAH parent.

I too decided to never put my children in a daycare center as a result of working in one. I know many DCUM parents vehemently disagree that it is bad for infants and young toddlers but I can only assume they want something different for their kids from what I wanted for mine at that age. Also, I loved staying home with my kids, I worked later on when they were in school.

I found that a lot of people who worked in daycare centers do not want their young children in daycare (if possible) but that’s not an option for a lot of people.

I definitely think it’s a better option than being with an unhappy and stressed parent all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your own kids?

I do not see the point of parenting AMAs with parents whose kids are not teens yet. Pride goes before a fall and all that. I have way too much experience with teens.

I’m expecting questions about working in a childcare more than parenting I guess. My kids are 5, 3 and 14 months. Don’t expect any questions about parenting, isn’t this board full of them?

Well, I just wouldn't take the answers super seriously, that's all.

I'm around a lot of teens. I can tell a lot about their families, but whether they went to daycare, had a nanny, SAHM, grandmother,.etc? It's irrelevant. When I do find out, it's often a surprise. Or it's some combination, or a few different things, or whatever.

I realize that at the age your kids are, this seems very immediate, of course. But as someone who has done a lot of childcare, and who is also around a lot of teens, I think DCUM obsesses overly much on infant childcare (and not nearly enough on teen care, but that's another story).

In 15 years none of it may matter at all. You’re right. Just speaking to my (admittedly limited) experience.

[Anonymous]

My son (just turned 3) doesn't want to interact with the other kids in his nursery school. I think the dynamic isn't really workout for him as the other kids consist of six little girls, many of whom have known each other since they were babies, and one little boy whom my son doesn't really get along with. My kid is used to playing with his big brother at home and making up long stories about superheroes together, or using flashlights or any other type of battery operated implement, or jumping off the furniture and chasing around. I just don't think the bulk of his class has the same interests, and the result is that he doesn't want to join in to their games and activities. How do I help change this dynamic when I'm not there? I love and trust his teachers but they are looking to me for ideas and I am not sure what to offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your own kids?

I do not see the point of parenting AMAs with parents whose kids are not teens yet. Pride goes before a fall and all that. I have way too much experience with teens.

I’m expecting questions about working in a childcare more than parenting I guess. My kids are 5, 3 and 14 months. Don’t expect any questions about parenting, isn’t this board full of them?

Well, I just wouldn't take the answers super seriously, that's all.

I'm around a lot of teens. I can tell a lot about their families, but whether they went to daycare, had a nanny, SAHM, grandmother,.etc? It's irrelevant. When I do find out, it's often a surprise. Or it's some combination, or a few different things, or whatever.

I realize that at the age your kids are, this seems very immediate, of course. But as someone who has done a lot of childcare, and who is also around a lot of teens, I think DCUM obsesses overly much on infant childcare (and not nearly enough on teen care, but that's another story).

In 15 years none of it may matter at all. You’re right. Just speaking to my (admittedly limited) experience.

Makes sense.