I am seriously about to lose it....I am so drained and dejected

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Thank you for the words of encouragement and ideas for changes from people who have commented. I really do appreciate it.

Just to get this out there. I am not anti-lockdown at all. I believe in science and I take this virus very seriously. I would not consider what we are doing in the US to be a lockdown. I honestly wish that schools had been given priority over a long list of non-essentials (casinos, bars, indoor dining and gyms, etc). And I never said that I considered myself to be in a lockdown. I said that I was depressed and drained about my kids' behavior and that we miss the various outlets that we had pre-pandemic. Someone else mentioned that this all feels so much harder now that the weather is cold, and it's really true. We do spend a lot of time outside, but it's more challenging with the cold weather, especially with a 2 year old; he gets cold even all bundled up. We don't feel comfortable hanging around malls or any indoor places, unless it's necessary.

One of my main priorities that I am pursuing right now is to try to get my oldest into a part-time preschool program. I am working on that A LOT and making some progress and found a place for $600 a month for 12 hours a week (4 days a week, 3 hrs/day), it doesn't start until April 6th and it's only 10 weeks, but that would be better than nothing. I am also going to work on setting up more regular outdoor playdates. I tried joining a pod earlier on in the fall and didn't find much and a nanny share could work, though I can't imagine having more children and another adult inside our already small house. So I have decided by hell or high water, we will get my daughter into some sort of part-time preschool.

I am also looking into getting back to work for school year 2021-2022 and will need some uninterrupted time to really dive into that. As for immediate employment, as someone else pointed out there is no way in hell I could pay for full-time daycare for 2 kids on working as a tutor, pod leader, or substitute teacher. About 4 months ago, I put both of them on waitlists for 2 "affordable" full-time daycares, which would be about $3000/month for the two of them if I can get off the long waitlists at either place. The other places that have vacancy would be $4200/month for the two of them. The other big unknown is whether or not schools will be fully open when my daughter is supposed to start kindergarten next year. Without knowing if she will be in school in person everyday with Montgomery County and whether I would be teaching in person or hybrid, it's a tricky situation.

Some things I have already done that I'd like to share with others who are struggling:
-I am on an antidepressant (started about 2 months ago) and it has helped tremendously. I really wish I had started months earlier before things got so bad for me in terms of my emotional health.
-I took a free online class through Parent Encouragement Program (http://pepparent.org/) and am going to pay to take another. It was excellent.
-I bought noise cancelling, bluetooth headphones so I can listen to audiobooks, podcasts while I clean, cook and/or while kids are watching TV.


Other great ideas that people mentioned that I will incorporate/work on:
-daytime baths for the kids
-drive through lunch w kids
-figure out w my husband a time each day during the day when I get out of the house alone for 20-30 mins
-day trip somewhere w kids
- try to find a covid-friendly babysitter to be able go out on a date w husband

[Anonymous]

I totally get it. I can't count how many people have told me how lucky I am, that i'm a SAHM during the pandemic. (I guess so I dont have to juggle phone calls, work and kids). I do understand it's a complete privilege but it is very difficult. My usual outlets for blowing off steam are gone. I hear you and I get it.

[Anonymous]

I think you are doing a great job - some other things to consider

- do nothing about your kids tantrums. I mean like literally just sit down and zone out. It's ok to skip dealing with them once in a while. Try it once or twice to give yourself a break. It won't ruin your kids.

- go back to work now. Stop working when the kids are in elementary. Seems counter productive but the cost of after care and summer camp add up and you will find like many parents do that the real work of "parenting" and being there matters once kids are in school (before that it matters but you come to realize it's just basic care giving)

- trampoline parks near me are open. Now you might think those are dangerous but they are huge open space, no one is really in there and you can sanitize the kids hands while there and wash before/after leaving. It will give the kids something to do to burn off energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are doing a great job - some other things to consider

- do nothing about your kids tantrums. I mean like literally just sit down and zone out. It's ok to skip dealing with them once in a while. Try it once or twice to give yourself a break. It won't ruin your kids.

- go back to work now. Stop working when the kids are in elementary. Seems counter productive but the cost of after care and summer camp add up and you will find like many parents do that the real work of "parenting" and being there matters once kids are in school (before that it matters but you come to realize it's just basic care giving)

- trampoline parks near me are open. Now you might think those are dangerous but they are huge open space, no one is really in there and you can sanitize the kids hands while there and wash before/after leaving. It will give the kids something to do to burn off energy.

+ 1 to the trampoline parks. We did one at lunch today in Alexandria, called "Get Air". It was suuuuper fun and totally empty. And these places are not empty on weekends. Since you have the time to go during the day, hit up places like this.

[Anonymous]

I have GEHA too. And while I struggled to find a mental health therapist who took GEHA, I did find out that GEHA does pay 60% for out of network. Maybe you can find someone every other week or half an hour a week to help keep costs down?

My kids are the same age. It’s a slog. I highly recommend complaint sessions with friends with kids at similar ages. It’s been as helpful as therapy for me and it makes it all feel a little less lonely. I can’t tell you how important it’s been to have a group of fellow moms who can offer advice, talk me down when I feel like I’ve hit a wall, and let me vent if that’s all I need to do. This is a sucky time. Don’t feel bad asking for support even if it’s just to call a friend and say I’m going to complain for the next ten minutes and I just need someone to nod along, ok?

Sending you virtual hugs, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are doing a great job - some other things to consider

- do nothing about your kids tantrums. I mean like literally just sit down and zone out. It's ok to skip dealing with them once in a while. Try it once or twice to give yourself a break. It won't ruin your kids.

- go back to work now. Stop working when the kids are in elementary. Seems counter productive but the cost of after care and summer camp add up and you will find like many parents do that the real work of "parenting" and being there matters once kids are in school (before that it matters but you come to realize it's just basic care giving)

- trampoline parks near me are open. Now you might think those are dangerous but they are huge open space, no one is really in there and you can sanitize the kids hands while there and wash before/after leaving. It will give the kids something to do to burn off energy.

+ 1 to the trampoline parks. We did one at lunch today in Alexandria, called "Get Air". It was suuuuper fun and totally empty. And these places are not empty on weekends. Since you have the time to go during the day, hit up places like this.

Also check out the private play rental at Jolly Yolly. The weekday slots are cheaper and easier to get than weekends. I have boys similar ages to yours OP and this place has worn my kids out on a few occasions. I actually like it more empty and hope they continue to do private rentals in the future!

Some other ideas: pack a picnic on a nice-ish day and go hang out at Gravelly Point where you can watch the planes take off. Take a drive through a car wash and pick up a milkshake on the way home. My kids also do better outside the house so I get it.

Maybe even look into finding a college sitter who is taking online classes/distancing who can come twice a week or something to give you a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you go back to work? You say if you could flip a switch, you would - but can you take actual steps to do that?

I’m not trying to be dismissive but there are so many posts like this and it seems like the posters never do anything to change the situation they hate.

This. It’s very obvious that the solution is to return to work. Don’t spend all day with your kids. But there’s always an excuse. Many times it’s the cost of childcare. Doubt OP will actually take any steps to return to work and improve her life. This seems to be a common trend.

Stop with this. She is struggling. Back to work isn't the answer to everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally get it. I can't count how many people have told me how lucky I am, that i'm a SAHM during the pandemic. (I guess so I dont have to juggle phone calls, work and kids). I do understand it's a complete privilege but it is very difficult. My usual outlets for blowing off steam are gone. I hear you and I get it.

You GUESS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally get it. I can't count how many people have told me how lucky I am, that i'm a SAHM during the pandemic. (I guess so I dont have to juggle phone calls, work and kids). I do understand it's a complete privilege but it is very difficult. My usual outlets for blowing off steam are gone. I hear you and I get it.

You GUESS?

As if work is JUST phone calls; can you imagine doing needing to concentrate and PRODUCE something like a software product or legal brief?

[Anonymous]

Demand schools reopen 5 days a week, blame teachers they Are hurting you and every parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Demand schools reopen 5 days a week, blame teachers they Are hurting you and every parent

That’s not going to help when her kids are still preschool age. If she had a 6 year old you might have a point but they’re 4 and 2.

[Anonymous]

Not sure if this helps but I find that a calendar with simple events on it (pick up groceries alone, zoom with bff, etc) gives me something to look forward to...it helps me look past today and to the future. I put it on the fridge and cross the days off, feels like an accomplishment.

[Anonymous]

The problem is this is NOT a normal situation. Parents are being told to make due as if it can be normal, but it's NOT normal. My kids are acting out too, and they're acting out because no matter which way we cut it, this is not normal. Everyone is worried about one single disease the way everyone was worried about measles or polio or smallpox years ago, but there are a lot of other things falling apart for people at the same time.

OP, I take it day by day myself. I try to look for other activities to create some variety and find other parents willing to meet outside at a playground but that's getting harder and harder with the winter and case numbers. And, I also think many people are just buckling down thinking this is the home stretch when, in fact, it will take months more for everyone not only to get vacccinated but be comfortable with vaccines. And then, the kids need vaccines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is this is NOT a normal situation. Parents are being told to make due as if it can be normal, but it's NOT normal. My kids are acting out too, and they're acting out because no matter which way we cut it, this is not normal. Everyone is worried about one single disease the way everyone was worried about measles or polio or smallpox years ago, but there are a lot of other things falling apart for people at the same time.

OP, I take it day by day myself. I try to look for other activities to create some variety and find other parents willing to meet outside at a playground but that's getting harder and harder with the winter and case numbers. And, I also think many people are just buckling down thinking this is the home stretch when, in fact, it will take months more for everyone not only to get vacccinated but be comfortable with vaccines. And then, the kids need vaccines.

You are so Fing dumb. Smallpox would have cities barred shut and shoot people coming into town.

And if polio showed up with no natural immunity, it would have been as big a deal

Stop spouting nonsense. And I have no idea what OPs real issue is. She can invite people to meet up, inside or out depending on her risk tolerance. She can go to kids play places, shopping, playgrounds. Is her life falling apart because library story time is cancelled? I really don’t understand

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is this is NOT a normal situation. Parents are being told to make due as if it can be normal, but it's NOT normal. My kids are acting out too, and they're acting out because no matter which way we cut it, this is not normal. Everyone is worried about one single disease the way everyone was worried about measles or polio or smallpox years ago, but there are a lot of other things falling apart for people at the same time.

OP, I take it day by day myself. I try to look for other activities to create some variety and find other parents willing to meet outside at a playground but that's getting harder and harder with the winter and case numbers. And, I also think many people are just buckling down thinking this is the home stretch when, in fact, it will take months more for everyone not only to get vacccinated but be comfortable with vaccines. And then, the kids need vaccines.

You are so Fing dumb. Smallpox would have cities barred shut and shoot people coming into town.

And if polio showed up with no natural immunity, it would have been as big a deal

Stop spouting nonsense. And I have no idea what OPs real issue is. She can invite people to meet up, inside or out depending on her risk tolerance. She can go to kids play places, shopping, playgrounds. Is her life falling apart because library story time is cancelled? I really don’t understand

Sorry my tone came off too harsh to OP.

I am annoyed at those piling in saying “end lockdown” and “open schools now”, politicizing your personal distress.

Your difficulties are partly situational, but unless you are comfortable with considerable COVID risk, your options are limited (and I think you said you were careful). Instead, you should build a written schedule you can mindlessly follow, and provides routine for your kids. We have a picture schedule that my 4 year lives and dies by, so it takes a lot of effort of me from deciding what to do next or try to convince 4yr to brush teeth or what not. Then double stroller walks, backyard sand/snow table, and liberal double tablet time will give you some good traction.