I am seriously about to lose it....I am so drained and dejected

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. I have 3 and 5 year boys and although they’re in school now (I’m in a different state) I was in your shoes last March and thru the summer while my husband worked long hours at the office. Depressed is an understatement. My boys and I were so insanely isolated but we somehow made it through to the other side - and you will too. Screens helped. I’ll be honest in that most of my adult friendships didn’t survive the year so I’m still mourning that loss and a bit bitter how the pandemic has affected my family vs my former friends. Don’t think about tomorrow or the next day. Literally just take things day by day. You all did your best today. Take a hot shower and binge a good show at night but don’t go to bed too late. I find getting more sleep takes the edge off during the day. Big internet hugs.

[Anonymous]

OP, hang in there. I'm sure you are a great Mom! These times are tough plus the ages of your kids make it even harder. I would suggest getting outside as much as possible. Get snow suits on the kids when its cold if you have to. Is there another family you trust that you can pod with so that your kids can have playdates? Ask around. Maybe you could find another SAHM to take turns with the kids. You take all four one day, and she takes them the next, so you can each get a break.

[Anonymous]

I work but my 3 year old has been home since March and my 6 year old home between March and September. I get it, OP. I think sometimes kids pick up on how the adults are feeling and act out that anger and sadness in the way they know how.

Be gentle with yourself and acknowledge that this is just a very hard time. I would try as much as you can to build some “breaks” into your schedule. Maybe put them in the bath with some little toys frozen into ice cubes so they can play for half an hour. Blow up some balloons and let them play with them in a room without hard edges. Put a gentle movie on, like The Snowman or show them an orchestra version of Peter and The Wolf. It’s really hard to get breaks at this age and it must be very wearying for you.

Our family is far away and half are on another continent. It was isolating before this happened and now is a lot. I think this year is a marathon and it is normal to have highs and lows, moments when you feel like you’re coping and moments when you feel like you can’t take it. Everything will be ok and you will get through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate the words of encouragement and support. I know it sounds silly, but I feel like the people I've tried to talk about this to in person or over the phone (pediatrician, friends, parents) don't actually grasp the severity of the crisis mode I'm in, so I appreciate the support.

I'm trying to get my oldest in some sort of part-time preschool (we are in Montgomery Co), but the cost of the part-time programs that are open is very high (like $800-900/month). Before pandemic I had the oldest in a part-time coop preschool that was about $590 a month. I search all the time, but a lot of the part-time programs just can't operate with the smaller group sizes and still make money.

As for outdoor time (as some have suggested) we do go outside twice a day, and even if it's raining. I take them to playgrounds and try to meet up with friends with kids, so that the kids can play with masks. The behaviors I am describing are happening with a decent amount of outdoor time already. And as someone pointed out, some of the battles and time sucks are before getting out the door, which I know doesn't make any sense.

My husband is wonderful, he really is. I do most of the housework, but he helps with anythign I ask and with cooking when he gets off work. He is hands on with the kids. He just started a new job about 4 months ago, so it's extra hard because he is on phone meetings a lot in which he is talking (from our daughter's room where he a folding table set up) and sometimes the 2 year is old is screaming his brains out and I am just trying to stay calm and calm him down and not add to the noise by screaming too.

I can't send the kids to their rooms when they are screaming because my husband is working upstairs in my daughters room and he is often on the phone or in meetings in which his microphone is on. It's a 3 bedroom house, which was fine for us before, but now small given the need for a "quiet" work space.

I cried a bunch today and finally had my husband watch the kids this afternoon while he worked so that I could spend over an hour shoveling the driveway and listen to an audio book. Never thought I'd say that shoveling the driveway could be self-care, but it really was.

PP here. Awww... it really sounds like your nerves are shot. One little thing that has made a big difference for me, as I’ve no time to get therapy or meds, is taking magnesium and a few other supplements regularly. I slacked on that for a few months and it just made me feel very raw. Magnesium, B vitamins, Vit D, iron — slight deficiencies in that can really make you feel exhausted and irritable. And chronic stress depleted all of that. I wouldn’t say it takes away the pain of the pandemic, but it just helps give me that little bit of bandwidth to deal with the day.

Good for you for taking a bit of time for yourself. If your husband has a break during the day, no matter how small, definitely get out of the house even if you walk in circles outside for 20 minutes. Soon spring will come and it will be a bit easier. This is just such a long winter. Hugs!

[Anonymous]

You are not alone. I just posted about losing it over not brushing teeth. In the beginning, I used to plan all these outings, arts and crafts and enrichment activities. I am just trying to survive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom of 3 and we're struggling too.

The lockdowns are worse than this virus, IMO. We're going to lose way more people as a result of the lockdowns. We just don't know it yet.

What lockdown? Are you in the UK?

[Anonymous]

If you are ranting against the lockdown, you aren’t that worried about catching COVID, so take your kids to the places that are open, like Target or the mall. Just walk around inside. Get two of those backpack leashes and let them go feral.

Get a double stroller with a rain cover and built in insulated bag and go for long walks with them.

Playground all weather.

Backyard sand table and some balls.

You have about 4 hours covered there.

And then appreciate not working, be that would suck far far worse.

[Anonymous]

Two kids kindle. A few hours of khan academy kids and Elmo a day is far better than watching mom cry every day.

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain. I am losing it too. These schools need to open. I need a date. I don’t know how much longer we can make it in this house. I’m not a SAHM but work full time from home and I just can’t do it anymore. I’m very worried. I don’t even care about COVID anymore.

[Anonymous]

You need to restructure your day with the kids. You also need to reevaluate your afternoons with your husband. During the day, get them out as much as possible. Sometimes I will bundle the kids up and we will go to chic fila drive through for breakfast but I choose a drive through far away to let time pass by. My kids love bathes so we do a mid day bath every day. They still nap too so that helps. Video games and iPads are a must as I don’t need to entertain them 24/7. Husband has a time limit when he gets out of the office. He has 30 mins to unwind and then I pass the kids to him. I leave the house, no matter what. I sit in the car, read a book, listen to music, visit friends, or walk around target. I need my alone time or two hours. I come back and it’s dinner time as a family that husband made or ordered.

[Anonymous]

No advice except to say your feelings are totally normal. My kids are a tiny bit older now, but I was a SAHP when they were that age and also recharged in the ways you described.

Now I work and am home with the kids (oldest doing digital learning and youngest at home from closed preschool). DH and I trade off childcare each day. We are at a breaking point. I honestly look so forward to the time I get to go work (from home), even though it's not unstressful. I just can't be chased around by another dinosaur or exploding volcano or tornado or werewolf...

I think it will get better as the weather gets warmer because there will be more things to do. Can you go on a long daytrip somewhere new? Go explore someplace farther away, since you don't have to be at home for anything? Try out some new parks?

We also signed my youngest up for a virtual class at the National Zoo... hasn't started yet, but at least it's something!

[Anonymous]

Another suggestion- Can you carve out some time with DH to do just a few hours per week of virtually tutoring other children? It may rebalance you and with the other extra cash you may be able to hire a Covid-friendly babysitter (may take a while to find a good and safe one, but worth trying) a few hours per week to give you a break. Also, your kids may end up really enjoy playing with a babysitter- someone different who can give them their undivided attention and energy.

[Anonymous]

I posted upthread in agreement but was discussing this with my husband tonight after a just horrendous day with our 3 year old, and I really agree with PPs that part of this is just that it's so cold and miserable outside and not having anywhere to take kids indoors is so, so hard. It's only a month or two in DC that we have weather like this, but this year it really feels impossible without outlets like the library or a bookstore children's section or a museum or even just sitting in a coffee shop for a bit with a pastry. I'm so sick of the inside of my apartment.

I'm trying to convince myself tonight that if we can get through the next six weeks, it will start to look up. The weather will start to get warmer, hopefully vaccine roll-out will be much further along, and with warmer weather Covid numbers should start to drop again (it's already started to happen, even with the newer strains). Not saying everything will be better by mid-March, but I think this pit of despair might be more of a ditch of tolerable frustration at least. It feels bleak now.

Personally, I'm going to take the advice of a few PPs and give myself a break tomorrow. We're going to relax screen time rules for the day, look for things we actually enjoy doing, and just be as gentle as possible with ourselves. It's good to see the comments on this thread and to know that I'm not the only one struggling, that it's actually really normal to struggle during a pandemic while trying to raise a young child. I think a lot of people right now are living in denial, and that's what's causing so many to act as though everything is fine and no one has a right to complain. But I think a couple decades from now people will look at this time and think "Wow, that must have been so tough -- those folks must have had a lot of grit to get through that."

[Anonymous]

You’re in Montgomery county? The Spring activity guide is out and registration begins Feb 8. There are a couple of activities you could put both kids in- a music class and one of the Coach Doug sports class.
The city of Rockville has “play pods” for kids that meet for 4 hours once a week but the minimum age is 5 years old.

https://bt.e-ditionsbyfry.com/publication/?i=691387

https://www.rockvillemd.gov/1110/Recreational-Activities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom of 3 and we're struggling too.

The lockdowns are worse than this virus, IMO. We're going to lose way more people as a result of the lockdowns. We just don't know it yet.

+1 I know of 2 suicides this week, and a murder suicide.

Go on with your life OP