I am seriously about to lose it....I am so drained and dejected

[Anonymous]

And I add more 😂 time to go to bed. Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it, and it sucks, and I'm so sorry. I am also losing it (I'm a single mom, home all the time with 4-year-old twins). I'm high risk, they're high risk, and at the beginning of the pandemic, I was also taking care of my elderly mom, who was terminally ill and recently died. I was able to work from home for a while, but quit my job when they tried to force me back to the office (for no real reason, other than my bosses have always hated moms and wanted to push me out). The relentlessness of this is awful. I don't get a minute to myself, day or night. My kids are dealing with the grief of losing a grandparent by clinging to me. They're terrified that something will happen to me, too-- they won't sleep in their own beds, one of them has to sit in the bathroom while I shower, they flip out if I leave the house to take out the trash, etc.

They were refusing to sleep tonight, and also both wanted me in bed with them (but in 2 beds in 2 different rooms!) and I just locked them out of my bedroom and let them scream and cry until they fell asleep because I just can't take it anymore. I just needed ONE night of peaceful sleep, without them constantly battling for my attention. I don't know what the solution is. But I feel for everyone in this situation. Parenting was never supposed to be like this.

[Anonymous]

Right there with you OP. Stuck with a baby and a 4 year old. It’s hell. Haven’t been to a bar or restaurant in a year. Haven’t seen many friends. Missed all major holidays with family. Have had exactly one haircut and dentist visit as my 2020 self care. Keeping kids out of child care because that is what we are most comfortable with and think is the right thing to do. Masks everywhere. I order almost everything I need online. I feel anxious just going into CVS for 5 minutes. Then I go on social media and friends are vacationing in Florida, going on big ski trips in groups without masks, have kids doing unmasked sports, going on indoor restaurant date nights, and otherwise pretending there is no virus. It makes me just want to scream and scream. Our family is sacrificing for the collective good but others must refuse and the virus spreads and spreads as a result of the selfishness of others. The government response is abysmal. Our kids and family and marriage are all hanging on by a thread yet there is no collective sacrifice by our nation. Instead selfish people take advantage of the sacrifice of others to keep doing what they want while thousands continue to die. It’s driving me insane.!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, first you are not a failure. Being a SAHM mom is super hard. I am a WOHM and I fully recognize it is easier than being with kiddos all the time. Some people have kinds who are most spirited than others, those kids have other wonderful qualities, discipline is not necessarily their top one.

Now, that being said, is your parenting approach full on positive parenting? Are you your kids Sweet comforting mom, always there for them, understanding, patient, and always providing them everything they want?

I am going to say something a lot of people are going to flame me for: do your kids have some level of healthy fear of you? What about how they perceive their dad?

Kids need some level of authority, respect and fear of consequences. I am not a harsh disciplinarian but I am a French mom (sorry I know, annoying cliche). And I am aghast by how many of my dear American friends are letting their kids walk all over them.... you are the boss. You need to instill order and respect of boundaries.

Define the rules, kindly explains them, and then always enforce them without discussion, negotiation, second chance or begging. no « oh please sweetie pie, we discussed not throwing food in my face, remember ». If kids make mistake, calm, straight and neutral face «  ok you know the consequence is time out until nap time. Now go ». And never cave.

Kids like justice and rules. They hate arbitrary anger as much as arbitrary caving. As long as you are calm and fair, enforcing discipline is your duty and an essential part of your loving education

OP here. Yes, I agree with a lot of what you say here. We don't subscribe to all parts of the positive parenting approach, but definitely want our kids to feel valued, respected and heard by us. We don't parent with an iron fist, but we definitely set limits and pick our battles. We tell them all the time that our job as parents is to keep them safe and help teach them to be good, honest, empathetic people. They know that what we say goes, but that doesn't stop them from putting up a fight. I guess we are somewhere between positive parenting and authoritative parenting. My husband is from South America and grew up with a lot of rules and strict parents.

I guess that I am just feeling like my baseline patience that I need to be able to effectively deal with misbehavior, whining, tantrums is so low at this point that it feels like a never-ending endurance race. And sometimes I just end up exploding with screaming and yelling...happened once during a work call my husband was on, felt terrible about it.

For everyone saying I should go to a restaurant, mall, indoor swimming pool, or indoor play spaces, we just don't feel comfortable with that sort of risk for our family. My husband has some health issues that put him in the higher risk category. We do go to the playground or outdoors at least 2 times a day and try to meet up with other friends masked.

We did find and decide on part-time morning preschool for both of the kids (only for the spring, unfortunately). It starts in a month and we cannot wait for the 12 hrs/week of child-free time it will buy us.

For everyone out there struggling (whether you be a working parent, stay at home, single parent, rich, poor, middle class, documented, undocumented, etc), this is really hard and we are all struggling in our own ways. We are not all in the same boat in any way shape or form as we all have different levels of privilege and outside support, but we can still show each other compassion and respect. Thank you to those of you who helped me feel not alone and offered helpful advice or words of support. I appreciate it and I will try to do the same for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right there with you OP. Stuck with a baby and a 4 year old. It’s hell. Haven’t been to a bar or restaurant in a year. Haven’t seen many friends. Missed all major holidays with family. Have had exactly one haircut and dentist visit as my 2020 self care. Keeping kids out of child care because that is what we are most comfortable with and think is the right thing to do. Masks everywhere. I order almost everything I need online. I feel anxious just going into CVS for 5 minutes. Then I go on social media and friends are vacationing in Florida, going on big ski trips in groups without masks, have kids doing unmasked sports, going on indoor restaurant date nights, and otherwise pretending there is no virus. It makes me just want to scream and scream. Our family is sacrificing for the collective good but others must refuse and the virus spreads and spreads as a result of the selfishness of others. The government response is abysmal. Our kids and family and marriage are all hanging on by a thread yet there is no collective sacrifice by our nation. Instead selfish people take advantage of the sacrifice of others to keep doing what they want while thousands continue to die. It’s driving me insane.!

Wow, I could have written this. NP here.

[Anonymous]

I have two boys (late teens now) but they were very boisterous at the ages yours are now.

You have to WEAR THEM OUT every day.

Can you take them to a park, a pool, a trampoline?

Can you send them on a treasure hunt in your garden or an obstacle course in your garden?

Do you have a trampoline (with netting)? A bouncy castle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right there with you OP. Stuck with a baby and a 4 year old. It’s hell. Haven’t been to a bar or restaurant in a year. Haven’t seen many friends. Missed all major holidays with family. Have had exactly one haircut and dentist visit as my 2020 self care. Keeping kids out of child care because that is what we are most comfortable with and think is the right thing to do. Masks everywhere. I order almost everything I need online. I feel anxious just going into CVS for 5 minutes. Then I go on social media and friends are vacationing in Florida, going on big ski trips in groups without masks, have kids doing unmasked sports, going on indoor restaurant date nights, and otherwise pretending there is no virus. It makes me just want to scream and scream. Our family is sacrificing for the collective good but others must refuse and the virus spreads and spreads as a result of the selfishness of others. The government response is abysmal. Our kids and family and marriage are all hanging on by a thread yet there is no collective sacrifice by our nation. Instead selfish people take advantage of the sacrifice of others to keep doing what they want while thousands continue to die. It’s driving me insane.!

Wow, I could have written this. NP here.

+1 except we have young school aged kids and school has been closed so we’re keeping them home because of that. We are fortunate to have them in a small pod, but we’re paying a TON of money that we hadn’t planned on, which is creating financial stress on top of all the other stress. And I hate when it’s our turn to host the pod because my house is small and there is so much extra wear and tear on everything. I really miss teleworking in my quiet house. I haven’t seen my elderly out of state parents in over a year. I miss going to restaurants and seeing friends (we promised our pod group we’d be really careful, so we are cognizant to avoid any unnecessary risks). Plus I have a health condition that is considered high risk and while I’m technically eligible, nowhere near me is vaccinating anyone under 65. I’m so insanely depressed. And my job has done nothing to help except letting me work any time of day (outside a few core hours). So great, I sacrifice sleep and any free time to exercise so I can get work stuff done. I’m beyond burnt out and don’t want to get out of bed most days.

This pandemic has made me realize how little working families matter to the government. Working moms are leaving the workforce in droves with barely a whimper. We’ve allowed everything but schools to open (until March allegedly when things will open 2 days per week). We are prioritizing the elderly regardless of their overall health over people under 65 who have health conditions. So I guess my life as a 35 year old mom of two with hopefully decades ahead of me in which I provide care and financial stability to my kids doesn’t matter as much as making sure some 85 year old can live a couple more years. And then I go on Instagram and see so many people, old people included who are eligible for a vaccine I cannot get!!, traveling and acting like the world hasn’t changed.

I’m just done. I’m done caring about others if no one else, our government included, is going to look after people. I’m now only worried about my family and doing whatever we need to get vaccinated. I will do the minimum work to not get fired because my employer doesn’t care. The schools don’t care about my kids so I will use whatever resources I can to make sure they don’t fall behind.

THIS is what our government has done. Made it every man for himself if you’re a working family with young kids just trying to survive. And those of us who have played by the rules and done what we’re told are just left to fend for ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Thank you PP for articulating it so perfectly. My Boomer father in law and mother in law are vacationing in Florida and have made zero effort to get vaccinated. My Boomer father and step mom just informed me they’re headed to Florida to relax once they get their second shot but they haven’t come yet to meet their 6 month old grandson that I’m currently nursing. They told me it’s because they don’t want to get us sick. Wtf. I truly feel like families have been abandoned. And in my case, my own flesh and blood doesn’t care.

I don’t even know where to place the blame—Trump? The government? Public health? Capitalism? We are not all in this together. Not by a long shot. This virus has just proven that most people are selfish jerks and only care about themselves and not the collective good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right there with you OP. Stuck with a baby and a 4 year old. It’s hell. Haven’t been to a bar or restaurant in a year. Haven’t seen many friends. Missed all major holidays with family. Have had exactly one haircut and dentist visit as my 2020 self care. Keeping kids out of child care because that is what we are most comfortable with and think is the right thing to do. Masks everywhere. I order almost everything I need online. I feel anxious just going into CVS for 5 minutes. Then I go on social media and friends are vacationing in Florida, going on big ski trips in groups without masks, have kids doing unmasked sports, going on indoor restaurant date nights, and otherwise pretending there is no virus. It makes me just want to scream and scream. Our family is sacrificing for the collective good but others must refuse and the virus spreads and spreads as a result of the selfishness of others. The government response is abysmal. Our kids and family and marriage are all hanging on by a thread yet there is no collective sacrifice by our nation. Instead selfish people take advantage of the sacrifice of others to keep doing what they want while thousands continue to die. It’s driving me insane.!

Amen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it, and it sucks, and I'm so sorry. I am also losing it (I'm a single mom, home all the time with 4-year-old twins). I'm high risk, they're high risk, and at the beginning of the pandemic, I was also taking care of my elderly mom, who was terminally ill and recently died. I was able to work from home for a while, but quit my job when they tried to force me back to the office (for no real reason, other than my bosses have always hated moms and wanted to push me out). The relentlessness of this is awful. I don't get a minute to myself, day or night. My kids are dealing with the grief of losing a grandparent by clinging to me. They're terrified that something will happen to me, too-- they won't sleep in their own beds, one of them has to sit in the bathroom while I shower, they flip out if I leave the house to take out the trash, etc.

They were refusing to sleep tonight, and also both wanted me in bed with them (but in 2 beds in 2 different rooms!) and I just locked them out of my bedroom and let them scream and cry until they fell asleep because I just can't take it anymore. I just needed ONE night of peaceful sleep, without them constantly battling for my attention. I don't know what the solution is. But I feel for everyone in this situation. Parenting was never supposed to be like this.

OP here, I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother and for the incredibly challenging and exhausting situation you are in. And it makes sense that your kids are extra needy right now, but man, that is so tough on you because you really don’t have a moment to recharge or even get decent sleep. I really feel for you and hope you can find some sort of outside support, maybe from a family member? I hope you find some moments of peace this week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it, and it sucks, and I'm so sorry. I am also losing it (I'm a single mom, home all the time with 4-year-old twins). I'm high risk, they're high risk, and at the beginning of the pandemic, I was also taking care of my elderly mom, who was terminally ill and recently died. I was able to work from home for a while, but quit my job when they tried to force me back to the office (for no real reason, other than my bosses have always hated moms and wanted to push me out). The relentlessness of this is awful. I don't get a minute to myself, day or night. My kids are dealing with the grief of losing a grandparent by clinging to me. They're terrified that something will happen to me, too-- they won't sleep in their own beds, one of them has to sit in the bathroom while I shower, they flip out if I leave the house to take out the trash, etc.

They were refusing to sleep tonight, and also both wanted me in bed with them (but in 2 beds in 2 different rooms!) and I just locked them out of my bedroom and let them scream and cry until they fell asleep because I just can't take it anymore. I just needed ONE night of peaceful sleep, without them constantly battling for my attention. I don't know what the solution is. But I feel for everyone in this situation. Parenting was never supposed to be like this.

OP here, I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother and for the incredibly challenging and exhausting situation you are in. And it makes sense that your kids are extra needy right now, but man, that is so tough on you because you really don’t have a moment to recharge or even get decent sleep. I really feel for you and hope you can find some sort of outside support, maybe from a family member? I hope you find some moments of peace this week.

Another one who wishes you peace and is so sorry for the loss of your mom.

[Anonymous]

Hi Op- I am SO with you. Ive been a SAHM for 8 years. My youngest started Kindergarten this year and pre-Covid, I was getting ready to re-enter the workforce in time for dc to start Kindergarten. That got yanked from me because my kids were suddenly home 24/7 and now Im just a sahm indefinitely at this point until this Covid life of hell is over. Its truly so exhausting. No babysitter in almost a year, kids always home. Im so mentally exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right there with you OP. Stuck with a baby and a 4 year old. It’s hell. Haven’t been to a bar or restaurant in a year. Haven’t seen many friends. Missed all major holidays with family. Have had exactly one haircut and dentist visit as my 2020 self care. Keeping kids out of child care because that is what we are most comfortable with and think is the right thing to do. Masks everywhere. I order almost everything I need online. I feel anxious just going into CVS for 5 minutes. Then I go on social media and friends are vacationing in Florida, going on big ski trips in groups without masks, have kids doing unmasked sports, going on indoor restaurant date nights, and otherwise pretending there is no virus. It makes me just want to scream and scream. Our family is sacrificing for the collective good but others must refuse and the virus spreads and spreads as a result of the selfishness of others. The government response is abysmal. Our kids and family and marriage are all hanging on by a thread yet there is no collective sacrifice by our nation. Instead selfish people take advantage of the sacrifice of others to keep doing what they want while thousands continue to die. It’s driving me insane.!

Amen.

Amen times 100!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right there with you OP. Stuck with a baby and a 4 year old. It’s hell. Haven’t been to a bar or restaurant in a year. Haven’t seen many friends. Missed all major holidays with family. Have had exactly one haircut and dentist visit as my 2020 self care. Keeping kids out of child care because that is what we are most comfortable with and think is the right thing to do. Masks everywhere. I order almost everything I need online. I feel anxious just going into CVS for 5 minutes. Then I go on social media and friends are vacationing in Florida, going on big ski trips in groups without masks, have kids doing unmasked sports, going on indoor restaurant date nights, and otherwise pretending there is no virus. It makes me just want to scream and scream. Our family is sacrificing for the collective good but others must refuse and the virus spreads and spreads as a result of the selfishness of others. The government response is abysmal. Our kids and family and marriage are all hanging on by a thread yet there is no collective sacrifice by our nation. Instead selfish people take advantage of the sacrifice of others to keep doing what they want while thousands continue to die. It’s driving me insane.!

Wow, I could have written this. NP here.

+1 except we have young school aged kids and school has been closed so we’re keeping them home because of that. We are fortunate to have them in a small pod, but we’re paying a TON of money that we hadn’t planned on, which is creating financial stress on top of all the other stress. And I hate when it’s our turn to host the pod because my house is small and there is so much extra wear and tear on everything. I really miss teleworking in my quiet house. I haven’t seen my elderly out of state parents in over a year. I miss going to restaurants and seeing friends (we promised our pod group we’d be really careful, so we are cognizant to avoid any unnecessary risks). Plus I have a health condition that is considered high risk and while I’m technically eligible, nowhere near me is vaccinating anyone under 65. I’m so insanely depressed. And my job has done nothing to help except letting me work any time of day (outside a few core hours). So great, I sacrifice sleep and any free time to exercise so I can get work stuff done. I’m beyond burnt out and don’t want to get out of bed most days.

This pandemic has made me realize how little working families matter to the government. Working moms are leaving the workforce in droves with barely a whimper. We’ve allowed everything but schools to open (until March allegedly when things will open 2 days per week). We are prioritizing the elderly regardless of their overall health over people under 65 who have health conditions. So I guess my life as a 35 year old mom of two with hopefully decades ahead of me in which I provide care and financial stability to my kids doesn’t matter as much as making sure some 85 year old can live a couple more years. And then I go on Instagram and see so many people, old people included who are eligible for a vaccine I cannot get!!, traveling and acting like the world hasn’t changed.

I’m just done. I’m done caring about others if no one else, our government included, is going to look after people. I’m now only worried about my family and doing whatever we need to get vaccinated. I will do the minimum work to not get fired because my employer doesn’t care. The schools don’t care about my kids so I will use whatever resources I can to make sure they don’t fall behind.

THIS is what our government has done. Made it every man for himself if you’re a working family with young kids just trying to survive. And those of us who have played by the rules and done what we’re told are just left to fend for ourselves.

+100 to all this. I’m seriously done caring about all these old vulnerable people who couldn’t give a sh-t and are off planning their next trip as soon as they get their vaccine (except no cruises back! The horror!). While working families keep waiting and waiting. No one cares about us. It’s all about the old people who flock to the polls in the greatest percentage.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP- I'm sorry. This whole situation sucks, and it sounds like you are doing the best you can. I agree with the poster who said that none of this is "normal." It's just not.

You mentioned trying to find a preschool for the oldest and that affordability is a problem. Obviously I don't know your financial situation, but if you're just talking about for the spring, is $600 vs. $800 a month that much of a dealbreaker? If it buys everyone a little sanity and room to breathe, it might be worth it. Then you can focus on finding a longer term solution for the fall, be it going back to teaching or finding new low cost preschools. Again, i don't know your situation but I would focus on what you need to do to get through the next few months.