Telework hell that all the work of A stay at home parent while still working

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is op sorry for ghosting. Kid stays home half day with me and then half day in a pod type arrangement. So I feel like morning through lunch is all me, then I drive him to “school”, then I get home and have a few uninterrupted work hours, and then pick kid up again and figure out dinner. Spouse breezes in from office like whatever. And sometimes spouse wfh but just walks himself off in front of computer like he who cannot be disturbed.

Wait. You only have one kid?

One kid who is only home half the day. Oh boo, hoo, hoo.

+1
I am a SAHM and I am taking care of 5 family members who are home - cooking, cleaning, laundry, eldercare and helping my twin HS students with college application process.
Nope, I did not do all of this menial work when I was a SAHM because I outsourced a bunch of stuff and was in a home manager role. With the pandemic I dare not outsource anything. So I am doing SAHM work and Tutoring/college counseling work, elder care and cleaning, laundry and cooking.

I think the problem with OP is that she is only capable of working from the office. With all the help and with taking care of only one child part time, I don't think she is in hell. Maybe she is just inefficient or low energy.

So the bolded is supposed to be some kind of part time work? Why list this nonsense. Are your children really slow?

You are the one who is inefficient and low energy.

Your situation is nowhere as stressful as OP's.

-SAHM

I agree, she has high schoolers. They're pretty independent--in fact they can and should be doing their own laundry and making their breakfasts and lunches. Are the elderly relatives needing hourly diaper changes or something? Otherwise this SAHM is just cooking and cleaning. It probably seems like a lot of work for her because she was used to playing tennis all day while someone else cooked and cleaned. OP on the other hand has a JOB and a younger child. Both of which are more work than everything PP described.

Actually, yes. My kids are SN and I am proud of all they are accomplishing with my help since they are doing DL and do not have the support that the school provided. No biggie. They are safe and healthy and we all are together. I understand the stress that some SN parents are feeling.

Yes, MIL is elderly and needs bathing and care, medication and food, but she is thankfully not needing any help with using the toilet. And she is wonderful with my kids. Again, she had an attendant before pandemic but now I am solely providing the care. DH and kids also help as much as they can when they have time. Again no biggie and not a hardship. She is the elder of the family and her presence is a blessing on all of us.

I have no idea why OP is having so many issues when she has a neurotypical kid going to school and cleaning ladies? + no eldercare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of us are in the spot and I just need to vent. I am doing all of the work of a stay at home parent while working full-time. I’m just really frustrated because my husband just treats me as the stay at home spouse. Therefore, I do all of the pick up all of the drop off all of the laundry all the cooking. All of the childcare arrangements and schooling. He goes to the store once in a while. He never cleans. I hired cleaners two days a week because I really truly feel that I would slide into a deep depression without them. They are literally my most valuable people in my life right now. What does that say about me? We are equal owners, with me being slightly more the breadwinner. I have a busy and significant job.

Dude! All working parents do -
- pick ups and drop offs
- childcare arrangements and schooling arrangements

You already have twice a week cleaners and 5 days a week childcare. You need to use a laundry service for clothes and maybe get meals delivered. If you have a significant job then outsource the laundry and meals. Thankfully your kid is not doing DL and you don't have to help with that.

Is the issue the weekends when you do not have childcare? Ask your DH to step up. SAH parents typically do everything and trust me that you are not doing what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of us are in the spot and I just need to vent. I am doing all of the work of a stay at home parent while working full-time. I’m just really frustrated because my husband just treats me as the stay at home spouse. Therefore, I do all of the pick up all of the drop off all of the laundry all the cooking. All of the childcare arrangements and schooling. He goes to the store once in a while. He never cleans. I hired cleaners two days a week because I really truly feel that I would slide into a deep depression without them. They are literally my most valuable people in my life right now. What does that say about me? We are equal owners, with me being slightly more the breadwinner. I have a busy and significant job.

Dude! All working parents do -
- pick ups and drop offs
- childcare arrangements and schooling arrangements

You already have twice a week cleaners and 5 days a week childcare. You need to use a laundry service for clothes and maybe get meals delivered. If you have a significant job then outsource the laundry and meals. Thankfully your kid is not doing DL and you don't have to help with that.

Is the issue the weekends when you do not have childcare? Ask your DH to step up. SAH parents typically do everything and trust me that you are not doing what they are doing.

Meant to add - what does it mean that you are equal owners? Do you own a business together? Push some work off to the husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of us are in the spot and I just need to vent. I am doing all of the work of a stay at home parent while working full-time. I’m just really frustrated because my husband just treats me as the stay at home spouse. Therefore, I do all of the pick up all of the drop off all of the laundry all the cooking. All of the childcare arrangements and schooling. He goes to the store once in a while. He never cleans. I hired cleaners two days a week because I really truly feel that I would slide into a deep depression without them. They are literally my most valuable people in my life right now. What does that say about me? We are equal owners, with me being slightly more the breadwinner. I have a busy and significant job.

Dude! All working parents do -
- pick ups and drop offs
- childcare arrangements and schooling arrangements

You already have twice a week cleaners and 5 days a week childcare. You need to use a laundry service for clothes and maybe get meals delivered. If you have a significant job then outsource the laundry and meals. Thankfully your kid is not doing DL and you don't have to help with that.

Is the issue the weekends when you do not have childcare? Ask your DH to step up. SAH parents typically do everything and trust me that you are not doing what they are doing.

+1 I know the OP just needed to vent, and that’s totally fair, but I hope she realizes she’s got a much easier life right now than a lot of working parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is op sorry for ghosting. Kid stays home half day with me and then half day in a pod type arrangement. So I feel like morning through lunch is all me, then I drive him to “school”, then I get home and have a few uninterrupted work hours, and then pick kid up again and figure out dinner. Spouse breezes in from office like whatever. And sometimes spouse wfh but just walks himself off in front of computer like he who cannot be disturbed.

OP, people are being pretty unkind to you. Your annoyance is valid. Yes other people are in worse situations, but this isn't a "who is worse off in the pandemic competition" cause there are plenty of folks who would clean up in that category with way worse problems.

Your husband isn't pulling his weight. He may not even notice it, cause he still gets his 8 hours of work per day, so he doesn't know how hard it is to only get 4 before kid goes to sleep--and be constantly interrupted, too. So, if you can, bring it up with him gently, and not in the moment. And say that when he's WFH, he handles lunch and then brings the kid to the pod/does pickup. And if he WOH, he needs to do X, Y, Z. (Maybe it's prep kid's and your lunch before he goes... maybe it's pick up kid on his way home, maybe he's responsible for all dinner planning and prep, idk). And maybe specify that he will WFH 2-3x/week so that he can do kid lunches/drop off/pick up.

And then (since he needs to contribute more generally), assign him OTHER tasks, too. Things he can do in the evening that you would be doing. Otherwise he's free to leave slack and you pick it up (cause hey, the dishes are in the sink and you can't just ignore them forever).

It's never been clear that he isn't pulling his weight. How much time is OP spending working and on family tasks. How much time is her husband spending working plus commuting. Is there a difference? Is he taking care of bigger stuff that isn't done day to day, like snow removal, car repairs, bills, etc.? OP never told us the big picture. She's complaining about her day to day, which really involves pretty minimal additional activities beyond caring for herself.

[Anonymous]

This thread cracks me up.

OP, you realize that MILLIONS of women are working from home WHILE taking care of the kids and cleaning their own home? You can have issues and need a solution but your title is an insult to most Americans who are far less privileged than you. Don’t lie in your title.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably had a nanny before. My nanny did all the laundry and took kids to activities but quit at the start of the pandemic.

My takeaway has been that the real hero of the WOHMuniverse was the nanny. All the talk about the working mom doing a "real job" and doing every thing a SAHM does was just a load of BS. Now without the nanny/School/Childcare...the whole house of cards is crashing down. And all of the husbands seem to be good for nothing. Why is that?

All that talk was in your head.

It takes a village to raise a child. Nannies/daycares/baby sitters/housekeepers/cleaning ladies/tutors are essential. Every reasonable person admits this. If you are hanging out with crazies who do not, that is on you.

So you are not doing the work of a SAHM? And certainly not raising your kids yourself? And are you looking at these providers as WOHMs or you are the only WOHM and these are just "providers". LOL! Without the nannies, baby sitters, nannies, cleaning ladies, tutors and other low paid WOHMs doing the heavy lifting of raising children for the absentee moms, the wonderful marriages and schooling of the children is falling apart.

Yes, it takes a village to rise a child. But the low paid childcare provider was never seen as a working woman or a WOHM by the WOHMs on DCUM who profess to be superwomen.. Your cleaning lady is a WOHM too and she also has a family. She cannot outsource her childcare and housework to another woman.

Nice try.

I am actually a SAHM. DH and I do the cleaning, laundry, cooking, teaching, etc. We pay for swim and music lessons, and that's about it. I am just tired of this fabricated fight between SAHM and WOHM. There is absolutely nothing wrong with working and paying for assistance with care for your children.

Providers are WOHM. And the bolded is in your head. Many are not low paid especially in this area. Many nannies make $20 plus an hour. My aunt who is a specials needs teacher with 10 years worth of experience makes $28 an hour. She has a Masters Degree in education. Social workers make a similar wage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread cracks me up.

OP, you realize that MILLIONS of women are working from home WHILE taking care of the kids and cleaning their own home? You can have issues and need a solution but your title is an insult to most Americans who are far less privileged than you. Don’t lie in your title.

+1

Maybe I suffer from a failure of imagination, but what do cleaners DO twice a week in a home with only one child who isn't even there most of the day? I have cleaners every two weeks to deal with bathrooms, floors, dusting, etc. But twice a week? Does one just let dishes pile up between visit or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably had a nanny before. My nanny did all the laundry and took kids to activities but quit at the start of the pandemic.

My takeaway has been that the real hero of the WOHMuniverse was the nanny. All the talk about the working mom doing a "real job" and doing every thing a SAHM does was just a load of BS. Now without the nanny/School/Childcare...the whole house of cards is crashing down. And all of the husbands seem to be good for nothing. Why is that?

All that talk was in your head.

It takes a village to raise a child. Nannies/daycares/baby sitters/housekeepers/cleaning ladies/tutors are essential. Every reasonable person admits this. If you are hanging out with crazies who do not, that is on you.

So you are not doing the work of a SAHM? And certainly not raising your kids yourself? And are you looking at these providers as WOHMs or you are the only WOHM and these are just "providers". LOL! Without the nannies, baby sitters, nannies, cleaning ladies, tutors and other low paid WOHMs doing the heavy lifting of raising children for the absentee moms, the wonderful marriages and schooling of the children is falling apart.

Yes, it takes a village to rise a child. But the low paid childcare provider was never seen as a working woman or a WOHM by the WOHMs on DCUM who profess to be superwomen.. Your cleaning lady is a WOHM too and she also has a family. She cannot outsource her childcare and housework to another woman.

Nice try.

I am actually a SAHM. DH and I do the cleaning, laundry, cooking, teaching, etc. We pay for swim and music lessons, and that's about it. I am just tired of this fabricated fight between SAHM and WOHM. There is absolutely nothing wrong with working and paying for assistance with care for your children.

Providers are WOHM. And the bolded is in your head. Many are not low paid especially in this area. Many nannies make $20 plus an hour. My aunt who is a specials needs teacher with 10 years worth of experience makes $28 an hour. She has a Masters Degree in education. Social workers make a similar wage

Lol ok, you support your family on $40,000 a year in this area. And most nannies don’t get healthcare. Ridiculous response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably had a nanny before. My nanny did all the laundry and took kids to activities but quit at the start of the pandemic.

My takeaway has been that the real hero of the WOHMuniverse was the nanny. All the talk about the working mom doing a "real job" and doing every thing a SAHM does was just a load of BS. Now without the nanny/School/Childcare...the whole house of cards is crashing down. And all of the husbands seem to be good for nothing. Why is that?

All that talk was in your head.

It takes a village to raise a child. Nannies/daycares/baby sitters/housekeepers/cleaning ladies/tutors are essential. Every reasonable person admits this. If you are hanging out with crazies who do not, that is on you.

So you are not doing the work of a SAHM? And certainly not raising your kids yourself? And are you looking at these providers as WOHMs or you are the only WOHM and these are just "providers". LOL! Without the nannies, baby sitters, nannies, cleaning ladies, tutors and other low paid WOHMs doing the heavy lifting of raising children for the absentee moms, the wonderful marriages and schooling of the children is falling apart.

Yes, it takes a village to rise a child. But the low paid childcare provider was never seen as a working woman or a WOHM by the WOHMs on DCUM who profess to be superwomen.. Your cleaning lady is a WOHM too and she also has a family. She cannot outsource her childcare and housework to another woman.

Nice try.

I am actually a SAHM. DH and I do the cleaning, laundry, cooking, teaching, etc. We pay for swim and music lessons, and that's about it. I am just tired of this fabricated fight between SAHM and WOHM. There is absolutely nothing wrong with working and paying for assistance with care for your children.

Providers are WOHM. And the bolded is in your head. Many are not low paid especially in this area. Many nannies make $20 plus an hour. My aunt who is a specials needs teacher with 10 years worth of experience makes $28 an hour. She has a Masters Degree in education. Social workers make a similar wage

Lol ok, you support your family on $40,000 a year in this area. And most nannies don’t get healthcare. Ridiculous response.

I don't, but I know families with two 40K salaries. And they do just fine. My parents did(two ~40K salaries), and they had a 3 bedroom apartment in montgomery county(mom got an RN and makes much more now with overtime).