Telework hell that all the work of A stay at home parent while still working

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of us are in the spot and I just need to vent. I am doing all of the work of a stay at home parent while working full-time. I’m just really frustrated because my husband just treats me as the stay at home spouse. Therefore, I do all of the pick up all of the drop off all of the laundry all the cooking. All of the childcare arrangements and schooling. He goes to the store once in a while. He never cleans. I hired cleaners two days a week because I really truly feel that I would slide into a deep depression without them. They are literally my most valuable people in my life right now. What does that say about me? We are equal owners, with me being slightly more the breadwinner. I have a busy and significant job.

HUH!! You hired cleaners only now? Who was doing all of the laundry, cooking and pickup before?

You have cleaners and you have in-person school for your kids? What is the problem? You are actually in a very good place, better than most. Better than WOHMs and better than SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have child care and housekeeping twice a week....you don’t get it.

Seriously. OP, you live a very privileged life. Imagine how much worse it is for someone who is working full time from with with two young children doing remote learning and a partner who is required to work outside of the home 5 days a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably had a nanny before. My nanny did all the laundry and took kids to activities but quit at the start of the pandemic.

My takeaway has been that the real hero of the WOHMuniverse was the nanny. All the talk about the working mom doing a "real job" and doing every thing a SAHM does was just a load of BS. Now without the nanny/School/Childcare...the whole house of cards is crashing down. And all of the husbands seem to be good for nothing. Why is that?

Oh look, here's the bitch who wants to use this thread to start a SAHM vs WOHM war. Stop. You know VERY WELL that most women who work outside of the home cannot afford a nanny. So just stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably had a nanny before. My nanny did all the laundry and took kids to activities but quit at the start of the pandemic.

My takeaway has been that the real hero of the WOHMuniverse was the nanny. All the talk about the working mom doing a "real job" and doing every thing a SAHM does was just a load of BS. Now without the nanny/School/Childcare...the whole house of cards is crashing down. And all of the husbands seem to be good for nothing. Why is that?

Oh look, here's the bitch who wants to use this thread to start a SAHM vs WOHM war. Stop. You know VERY WELL that most women who work outside of the home cannot afford a nanny. So just stop.

Hmmm...Nope. I don't have to take instructions from a bitch ho.

A nanny is a working woman who does the job of raising the kids of WOHMs. Unfortunately, they are seen as just lowly servants and not as working women. Happy to know that their worth is being recognized.

As far as the OP is concerned...she is not providing childcare and she is not cleaning her home. So what is she blathering about? And why is her DH not doing anything. She seems to have a husband problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of us are in the spot and I just need to vent. I am doing all of the work of a stay at home parent while working full-time. I’m just really frustrated because my husband just treats me as the stay at home spouse. Therefore, I do all of the pick up all of the drop off all of the laundry all the cooking. All of the childcare arrangements and schooling. He goes to the store once in a while. He never cleans. I hired cleaners two days a week because I really truly feel that I would slide into a deep depression without them. They are literally my most valuable people in my life right now. What does that say about me? We are equal owners, with me being slightly more the breadwinner. I have a busy and significant job.

Are you any good at your busy and significant job? Because I don't understand how life is harder for you with childcare and cleaners? Especially when you do not have to commute to work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of us are in the spot and I just need to vent. I am doing all of the work of a stay at home parent while working full-time. I’m just really frustrated because my husband just treats me as the stay at home spouse. Therefore, I do all of the pick up all of the drop off all of the laundry all the cooking. All of the childcare arrangements and schooling. He goes to the store once in a while. He never cleans. I hired cleaners two days a week because I really truly feel that I would slide into a deep depression without them. They are literally my most valuable people in my life right now. What does that say about me? We are equal owners, with me being slightly more the breadwinner. I have a busy and significant job.

Are you any good at your busy and significant job? Because I don't understand how life is harder for you with childcare and cleaners? Especially when you do not have to commute to work?

I'm still waiting for OP to answer this question. I have no idea what she's complaining about.

[Anonymous]

That tiny violin you dropped earlier is ready for pick up, ma’am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably had a nanny before. My nanny did all the laundry and took kids to activities but quit at the start of the pandemic.

My takeaway has been that the real hero of the WOHMuniverse was the nanny. All the talk about the working mom doing a "real job" and doing every thing a SAHM does was just a load of BS. Now without the nanny/School/Childcare...the whole house of cards is crashing down. And all of the husbands seem to be good for nothing. Why is that?

Oh look, here's the bitch who wants to use this thread to start a SAHM vs WOHM war. Stop. You know VERY WELL that most women who work outside of the home cannot afford a nanny. So just stop.

Hmmm...Nope. I don't have to take instructions from a bitch ho.

A nanny is a working woman who does the job of raising the kids of WOHMs. Unfortunately, they are seen as just lowly servants and not as working women. Happy to know that their worth is being recognized.

As far as the OP is concerned...she is not providing childcare and she is not cleaning her home. So what is she blathering about? And why is her DH not doing anything. She seems to have a husband problem.

A bitch ho? Sounds like a bitter nanny found this thread?

[Anonymous]

My kids are older so I don't have childcare. I work from home and spouse is in person. Since the pandemic, I do almost everything around the house. But, I dropped the two hour a day commute and have extra time in my schedule. I kind of feel like it's only fair that I pick up more of the home responsibilities since I have more time. I spend far less time on laundry and cooking than I ever did on commuting and between my job and the stuff I do around the house, I am still spending less time than my spouse does between work and commute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have child care and housekeeping twice a week....you don’t get it.

Seriously. OP, you live a very privileged life. Imagine how much worse it is for someone who is working full time from with with two young children doing remote learning and a partner who is required to work outside of the home 5 days a week.

By "childcare care and school arrangements" I assumed OP meant the kids are home are she is doing it. If no, yeah, no complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of us are in the spot and I just need to vent. I am doing all of the work of a stay at home parent while working full-time. I’m just really frustrated because my husband just treats me as the stay at home spouse. Therefore, I do all of the pick up all of the drop off all of the laundry all the cooking. All of the childcare arrangements and schooling. He goes to the store once in a while. He never cleans. I hired cleaners two days a week because I really truly feel that I would slide into a deep depression without them. They are literally my most valuable people in my life right now. What does that say about me? We are equal owners, with me being slightly more the breadwinner. I have a busy and significant job.

Shift your blame to teachers refusing to work and chilling at home

[Anonymous]

Why are YOU doing all the laundry, cooking and pickups? Tell spouse he must do some chores. Do he say he is willing and then do nothing or does he refuse? I suggest a schedule or list. Granted you can’t leave the kids stranded somewhere, but, you can serve peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for an extended period of time for dinner and quit doing his laundry.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I.... I am not one to tell people their complaints are insignificant just because others have it worse, but given the circumstances, I'd say that the only significant solvable* problem here is a husband problem. If he is not pulling his weight in the aggregate, that's a problem regardless of the fact that the OP has it relatively easy-- both an actual logistical one and an equity/emotional one.

So, cool, legit-- that needs to be solved if OP is going to be happier.

But OP... you're not going to garner a lot of sympathy when you say "All the work of a stay-at-home parent."

No.

You have people taking care of your kids and cleaning your house. Those are far and away the top two jobs of a SAHP. The other things are the "work of" all parents-- unfortunately usually moms-- SAH, WAH or WOH. Like, we ALL, hopefully with our partners, do the laundry, dishes, pickup, planning, etc. regardless of whether we work, unless we have the money for more than one full-time employee. Maybe you used to, which is why you're complaining-- otherwise, again-- it's a husband problem.


*COVID and lack of social support etc. is a problem, but not really solvable. If there is a mental health or other issue, that's not per se in the OP, or at least not fleshed out. So I'm going with mostly "relationship problem" here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably had a nanny before. My nanny did all the laundry and took kids to activities but quit at the start of the pandemic.

My takeaway has been that the real hero of the WOHMuniverse was the nanny. All the talk about the working mom doing a "real job" and doing every thing a SAHM does was just a load of BS. Now without the nanny/School/Childcare...the whole house of cards is crashing down. And all of the husbands seem to be good for nothing. Why is that?

Oh look, here's the bitch who wants to use this thread to start a SAHM vs WOHM war. Stop. You know VERY WELL that most women who work outside of the home cannot afford a nanny. So just stop.

Hmmm...Nope. I don't have to take instructions from a bitch ho.

A nanny is a working woman who does the job of raising the kids of WOHMs. Unfortunately, they are seen as just lowly servants and not as working women. Happy to know that their worth is being recognized.

As far as the OP is concerned...she is not providing childcare and she is not cleaning her home. So what is she blathering about? And why is her DH not doing anything. She seems to have a husband problem.

...DP but really, bitch ho? What? Also I don’t understand - I don’t think any WOHM has claimed to do full time childcare plus a full time job. You are being intentionally obtuse if you think anyone was claiming that. I think you hear that outside of 9-5 or 8-6 they still handle all the household and childcare chores. Losing a nanny/childcare means now they are literally doing both which is basically impossible.

PS- what do you call waking up before kids, getting breakfast plus kids ready, doing drop off and then going to work, picking them up, making dinner and bed/bath if not pulling SAHM duties plus working full time..? To be clear I don’t do all this as I have a husband who is not an ass

[Anonymous]

PS- what do you call waking up before kids, getting breakfast plus kids ready, doing drop off and then going to work, picking them up, making dinner and bed/bath if not pulling SAHM duties plus working full time..?

PARENTING