What is a better number of kids? 3 or 4?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have no kids who are you saving the environment for? Some kids in Africa?

Having children is a blessing.

Families from Africa are huge

[Anonymous]

We have 4. There is often an odd man out, althoogh it's not normally 1/4 it's 1/3 because b/c with 4 they aren't always together that often (in our case)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who claim they have 4 because they were one of 4 and loved it nee to tell if they were the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th child, what sex they are compared to their siblings, and they age difference.

+100

I am one of 4. I’m #3. We were two sets: the “older kids” (a boy and a girl) and the “younger kids” (a boy and a girl).

Having another “younger kid” did not make me feel better as a kid. I love him but we aren’t close now, and as a child I resented being lumped in with the baby and excluded from the older kids just because my parents liked to divide us that way. Also, it’s not great to be referred to as “the little kids” well into adolescence— my younger brother and I were infantilized for a long time and it wasn’t great for our development.

My older sister is the only one of us to have a big family. She is also and has always been the favorite. She doesn’t understand how lots of kids means lots of missing out on parental attention and resources because she didn’t. Now I see how she favorites her own kids and I see her repeating a pattern she doesn’t understand.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Have a 4th! I'm almost due with #5. Grew up one of four. Not much difference between 3 and 4.

The difference is each kid will get less time, attention and money the more u have.

They give attention to each other as well. I think that's silly. There are lots of advantages to having siblings.

They need attention from the parents not the siblings. This is what pp was pointing out pawning off parental duties on the siblings.

Oh please. Kids having other kids to play with isn't pawning off duties.

I assure you my 6 year old and 5 year old aren't overly burdened by my 2 and 1 year olds. But they definitely enjoy playing with each other and that definitely makes my job as parent easier.

How much time did you spend alone with each child?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Have a 4th! I'm almost due with #5. Grew up one of four. Not much difference between 3 and 4.

The difference is each kid will get less time, attention and money the more u have.

They give attention to each other as well. I think that's silly. There are lots of advantages to having siblings.

They need attention from the parents not the siblings. This is what pp was pointing out pawning off parental duties on the siblings.

Oh please. Kids having other kids to play with isn't pawning off duties.

I assure you my 6 year old and 5 year old aren't overly burdened by my 2 and 1 year olds. But they definitely enjoy playing with each other and that definitely makes my job as parent easier.

How much time did you spend alone with each child?

Each child has a period of the day devoted to them. They also each have once weekly one on one with each parent.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Have a 4th! I'm almost due with #5. Grew up one of four. Not much difference between 3 and 4.

The difference is each kid will get less time, attention and money the more u have.

They give attention to each other as well. I think that's silly. There are lots of advantages to having siblings.

They need attention from the parents not the siblings. This is what pp was pointing out pawning off parental duties on the siblings.

Oh please. Kids having other kids to play with isn't pawning off duties.

I assure you my 6 year old and 5 year old aren't overly burdened by my 2 and 1 year olds. But they definitely enjoy playing with each other and that definitely makes my job as parent easier.

How much time did you spend alone with each child?

Each child has a period of the day devoted to them. They also each have once weekly one on one with each parent.

So, what? 5 minutes a day? 10? An hour? Two hours? Saying a period of the day really means they don't get much time and you group parent or the oldest looks over the younger kids or a nanny. Be real about how much time each child gets.

[Anonymous]

I’m one of 4 and I have 4.

Our kids get one on one time. We also do things in pairs, groups or as an entire family. It’s all important.

Our first child had 4 years of one on one time, the next had about the same while his older brother was in full day pre-K then off to K. And so on.

In order to foster strong bonds among our kids, we think it’s important for them to do things together and as a family.

Our oldest certainly isn’t burdened with parental duties. In fact, I put the second oldest in charge if I need to run out to do errands (and often bring at least one kid with me).

Question: do you put your kids in camps/clubs when you vacation? We don’t.

Do you routinely leave them with sitters? We don’t.

Do you pile into your bedroom and watch movies as a family each night?

Do your kids proactively FaceTime their grandparents and cousins?

We prioritize family time, and it works for us.

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM so I know I have more opportunity to have plenty of individual time with each of my 4 kids but, come on, it’s not nearly as difficult to carve out individual time with each child as some posters are making it out to be. If you make the effort to prioritize your time this is not some impossible task. I’m #3 of 4 closely spaced siblings and I loved growing up with my siblings. Have one or two kids if that’s what you want for your family but raising more than that isn’t rocket science. Many people with full lives are more than able to handle it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Have a 4th! I'm almost due with #5. Grew up one of four. Not much difference between 3 and 4.

The difference is each kid will get less time, attention and money the more u have.

They give attention to each other as well. I think that's silly. There are lots of advantages to having siblings.

They need attention from the parents not the siblings. This is what pp was pointing out pawning off parental duties on the siblings.

Oh please. Kids having other kids to play with isn't pawning off duties.

I assure you my 6 year old and 5 year old aren't overly burdened by my 2 and 1 year olds. But they definitely enjoy playing with each other and that definitely makes my job as parent easier.

How much time did you spend alone with each child?

Each child has a period of the day devoted to them. They also each have once weekly one on one with each parent.

So, what? 5 minutes a day? 10? An hour? Two hours? Saying a period of the day really means they don't get much time and you group parent or the oldest looks over the younger kids or a nanny. Be real about how much time each child gets.

NP. Just because you have less children, doesn't mean you spend more time with them, and it definitely does not mean you're a better parent, either. Do you even have any children? If so, hopefully you're not raising them with the same ignorant, judgmental attitude you're displaying here with random strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m one of 4 and I have 4.

Our kids get one on one time. We also do things in pairs, groups or as an entire family. It’s all important.

Our first child had 4 years of one on one time, the next had about the same while his older brother was in full day pre-K then off to K. And so on.

In order to foster strong bonds among our kids, we think it’s important for them to do things together and as a family.

Our oldest certainly isn’t burdened with parental duties. In fact, I put the second oldest in charge if I need to run out to do errands (and often bring at least one kid with me).

Question: do you put your kids in camps/clubs when you vacation? We don’t.

Do you routinely leave them with sitters? We don’t.

Do you pile into your bedroom and watch movies as a family each night?

Do your kids proactively FaceTime their grandparents and cousins?

We prioritize family time, and it works for us.

+1. Good parents of larger families know how to make individual time with kids and meaningful family time happen.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Have a 4th! I'm almost due with #5. Grew up one of four. Not much difference between 3 and 4.

The difference is each kid will get less time, attention and money the more u have.

They give attention to each other as well. I think that's silly. There are lots of advantages to having siblings.

They need attention from the parents not the siblings. This is what pp was pointing out pawning off parental duties on the siblings.

Oh please. Kids having other kids to play with isn't pawning off duties.

I assure you my 6 year old and 5 year old aren't overly burdened by my 2 and 1 year olds. But they definitely enjoy playing with each other and that definitely makes my job as parent easier.

How much time did you spend alone with each child?

Each child has a period of the day devoted to them. They also each have once weekly one on one with each parent.

So, what? 5 minutes a day? 10? An hour? Two hours? Saying a period of the day really means they don't get much time and you group parent or the oldest looks over the younger kids or a nanny. Be real about how much time each child gets.

One kid is homeschooled. Another severe SN so plenty of attention. Oldest gets attention when comes home from school plus gets certain special trips. Another is home but too young for homeschool.

Every family works it out differently but it isn't rocket science. There are lovely warm families of 8-10 kids too, you know. 4 isn't even that many.

[Anonymous]

As a pp mentioned we vacation together. Usually we go camping within 3-5 hours. No camps, no parent only vacations. Lots of extended family to visit and visit us and talk to on the phone and zoom.

And I'm grateful for our siblings. One directs a special ed school and has helped our SN child get help she needs. One is a lawyer and has helped us get good legal help. One is a PA and regularly answers my random medical questions. We have our fields of expertise to help others, too.

[Anonymous]

It's not about trips and vacations those are nice, odds are very likely you are missing something very important about 1 or more of your kids. I just hope you are open to their feedback when they're adults and not insistent you were a good mom because they had siblings to play with while they were nursing, were homeschooled, and you took them on special trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not about trips and vacations those are nice, odds are very likely you are missing something very important about 1 or more of your kids. I just hope you are open to their feedback when they're adults and not insistent you were a good mom because they had siblings to play with while they were nursing, were homeschooled, and you took them on special trips.

Are you saying people with more than 3 kids are likely to have unhappy children who think they failed as parents?

Interesting that you limit your statement to moms.

[Anonymous]

We have 4. I just summarized this thread for my 13 year old. FWIW, he thinks it’s poppycock to assume any family with more than 3 kids can’t provide enough love, time and support to their kids—including one on one time.