texting DH

[Anonymous]

yea, it's not appropriate and a segment of us have seen these scenarios go badly (eg it's the early stages of an inappropriate relationship). Shut it down. She sounds clueless and yes, she may be enjoying it yes. He may too.

[Anonymous]

Post divorce when I was single I always included mom on texts/emails. Even when the dad was a good friend. It's just the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not OP, but have a somewhat related problem. We have an EC activity that DH is coaching. A mom of one of the kids in that activity texts DH often. It is purely about the activity itself or something directly related to kids other school activities. It is always about the kids but it seems like suddenly she has become his friend. I just find it really annoying but not sure if I am over reacting.

She even calls DH sometimes to discuss these activities. DH is fairly curt in his responses but he responds to her texts.

This is totally different. And not at all inappropriate on your DH’s part.

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Do you have an update, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The mother of one of DD's friends has decided to befriend DH over this past year. She is a sahm and seems to be in a pretty unsatisfying marriage and is very open about that.

I am the primary parent under normal circumstances but due scheduling for a shared extracurricular w/this woman's child, DH is the main contact. She texts DH every day. She texts about everything and anything...the weather, the election, the kids, her dinner... It feels nonstop. And he replies every time. Even when in conversation with me or with DD. He doesn't hide this. I've expressed concern that the texting with her is changing his behaviors around us; normally, for him, texting while actively engaged with others -- especially family -- is off limits. It is annoying and rude behavior.

DH has friends of the opposite sex. I do, too. His best female friend is even DD's godmother.

But this woman is new in our lives. And something about her really, really rubs me the wrong way and lately is setting off alarms. She doesn't talk to me or make eye contact. She's not my "type", by any means -- an attention-seeker, loud. My friends are chill, laid back, non-domineering.

I've talked to DH about this and how I am starting to feel, but he gets defensive. Says she's his only "mom friend" of DD's group. Kinda true, but ... I am expressing my discomfort with the constant texting, the way she doesn't look at or talk to me, and so on. He just blows it off and talks about all the friends I have. He, in reality, has many more friends than me. I have -- and prefer to have -- a small handful of close friends and a small group of "mom friends". He has several close friends plus a large network of acquaintances he talks to often.

(A bit of background -- this is my second marriage; first time around I married very young, first husband had 2 affairs, and I ended it.)

In almost 15 years of this marriage, I've never felt insecure, lonely, or jealous. It feels bad and it feels ugly. And I am starting to feel hopeless, bitter, and out of my league here.

So...there we are. Thoughts on this?

ugh OP this would annoying me. Your husband is either enjoying the attention or is completely clueless.

This woman is also very disrespectful. My husband used to travel for work pre-COVID, I was primarily responsible for DS's activities. Sports, lots of them. If the parents ever came alone, it is almost always men. I always make an extra effort to be nice to their wives if they do come or when texting their DH - making sure to ask about them, etc.

This woman sounds sad with her own life and is leaching on your husband. Also, it's incredibly disrespectful for her to not acknowledge you. Without any other information about the texting, for me that would be grounds for DH to cut off a person or be very short in responding to them.

I would be very straight with your husband again. If he doesn't change his behavior something is up. Sorry the alarm bells are 100% valid when a woman doesn't acknowledge you while in your DH presence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The mother of one of DD's friends has decided to befriend DH over this past year. She is a sahm and seems to be in a pretty unsatisfying marriage and is very open about that.

I am the primary parent under normal circumstances but due scheduling for a shared extracurricular w/this woman's child, DH is the main contact. She texts DH every day. She texts about everything and anything...the weather, the election, the kids, her dinner... It feels nonstop. And he replies every time. Even when in conversation with me or with DD. He doesn't hide this. I've expressed concern that the texting with her is changing his behaviors around us; normally, for him, texting while actively engaged with others -- especially family -- is off limits. It is annoying and rude behavior.

DH has friends of the opposite sex. I do, too. His best female friend is even DD's godmother.

But this woman is new in our lives. And something about her really, really rubs me the wrong way and lately is setting off alarms. She doesn't talk to me or make eye contact. She's not my "type", by any means -- an attention-seeker, loud. My friends are chill, laid back, non-domineering.

I've talked to DH about this and how I am starting to feel, but he gets defensive. Says she's his only "mom friend" of DD's group. Kinda true, but ... I am expressing my discomfort with the constant texting, the way she doesn't look at or talk to me, and so on. He just blows it off and talks about all the friends I have. He, in reality, has many more friends than me. I have -- and prefer to have -- a small handful of close friends and a small group of "mom friends". He has several close friends plus a large network of acquaintances he talks to often.

(A bit of background -- this is my second marriage; first time around I married very young, first husband had 2 affairs, and I ended it.)

In almost 15 years of this marriage, I've never felt insecure, lonely, or jealous. It feels bad and it feels ugly. And I am starting to feel hopeless, bitter, and out of my league here.

So...there we are. Thoughts on this?

ugh OP this would annoying me. Your husband is either enjoying the attention or is completely clueless.

This woman is also very disrespectful. My husband used to travel for work pre-COVID, I was primarily responsible for DS's activities. Sports, lots of them. If the parents ever came alone, it is almost always men. I always make an extra effort to be nice to their wives if they do come or when texting their DH - making sure to ask about them, etc.

This woman sounds sad with her own life and is leaching on your husband. Also, it's incredibly disrespectful for her to not acknowledge you. Without any other information about the texting, for me that would be grounds for DH to cut off a person or be very short in responding to them.

I would be very straight with your husband again. If he doesn't change his behavior something is up. Sorry the alarm bells are 100% valid when a woman doesn't acknowledge you while in your DH presence.

Sometimes they are downright condescending as well, while flirting up the spouse. Sometimes the nastiness is only for your benefit--not spouse's so they think you are crazy or being unfair to this 'poor woman'. Red flag, alarm bells and all that, indeed!

[Anonymous]

OP--you'd be wise to read the new thread about the affair between people in a situation much like your own. You need to act and act swiftly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP--you'd be wise to read the new thread about the affair between people in a situation much like your own. You need to act and act swiftly.

I have a feeling OP wrote that post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a mom like this who got too friendly with my best friend’s STBXH. She was married but complained how unhappy she was. On an out of town tournament she offered him a BJ, no strings attached and he accepted. Claims it didn’t mean anything but my friend left. You need to shut it down now.

Why would the OW even do this? What is in it for her? Serious question. I don’t get it.

I think the OW has low self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s sleeping with her.

DW here and I agree. If he wasn't, this would not be his reaction at all.