texting DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not OP, but have a somewhat related problem. We have an EC activity that DH is coaching. A mom of one of the kids in that activity texts DH often. It is purely about the activity itself or something directly related to kids other school activities. It is always about the kids but it seems like suddenly she has become his friend. I just find it really annoying but not sure if I am over reacting.

She even calls DH sometimes to discuss these activities. DH is fairly curt in his responses but he responds to her texts.

Any advice for me?

same thing. ask to be copied in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make sure her husband knows. Not sure how, but I would complicate her life somehow.

This is what I would do. Do you see her husband sometime, OP? Come up to him and joke about it, except it won’t be a joke. Oh goodness, you guys are having a hard time right now, right? Larla has been texting my husband all day every day complaining about you. Better be careful or they’ll run away together! Plant that seed. Make her life a little uncomfortable. Do this every time you see them. Bonus points if she’s there too. She’s a SAHM, she clearly can’t just leave and is at a disadvantage, so use it to your advantage. All’s fair!

I really like you. I'm petty AF and I would totally do this and probably more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make sure her husband knows. Not sure how, but I would complicate her life somehow.

This is what I would do. Do you see her husband sometime, OP? Come up to him and joke about it, except it won’t be a joke. Oh goodness, you guys are having a hard time right now, right? Larla has been texting my husband all day every day complaining about you. Better be careful or they’ll run away together! Plant that seed. Make her life a little uncomfortable. Do this every time you see them. Bonus points if she’s there too. She’s a SAHM, she clearly can’t just leave and is at a disadvantage, so use it to your advantage. All’s fair!

I really like you. I'm petty AF and I would totally do this and probably more.

Yep. That’s why they prey on other women’s husbands. And, they are miserable f@cks to their own husbands- but to yours they are so giggly, carefree and just so misunderstood by their mean old husband. SAHM has no options but your man.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is a huge problem, especially the fact that your husband always responds to her and is distracted from your real life.

He's addicted to the messsaging and the ego-boosting feelings that come with them. I'm sure he has fantasized about her.

Once all those addictive and lustful hormones kick in, it's VERY hard for the person to just stop.

Confront him really openly about it and set boundaries. be very clear about how much of a slippery slope this is for your marriage. there is a book called "not just friends" that is really useful, if you really want to dive into it.

(speaking from experience -- first my husband and a "friend" who tried so hard to get close to him, and then i started falling into one of these "friendships" with another guy." talking to my husband about it, realizing it was an addiction, all helped. no contact.)

[Anonymous]

OP I know how you feel, right down to your DH blowing you off and talking about the friends you have. Except I am the DH and it's my DW doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a mom like this who got too friendly with my best friend’s STBXH. She was married but complained how unhappy she was. On an out of town tournament she offered him a BJ, no strings attached and he accepted. Claims it didn’t mean anything but my friend left. You need to shut it down now.

Why would the OW even do this? What is in it for her? Serious question. I don’t get it.

Maybe attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is a huge problem, especially the fact that your husband always responds to her and is distracted from your real life.

He's addicted to the messsaging and the ego-boosting feelings that come with them. I'm sure he has fantasized about her.

Once all those addictive and lustful hormones kick in, it's VERY hard for the person to just stop.

Confront him really openly about it and set boundaries. be very clear about how much of a slippery slope this is for your marriage. there is a book called "not just friends" that is really useful, if you really want to dive into it.

(speaking from experience -- first my husband and a "friend" who tried so hard to get close to him, and then i started falling into one of these "friendships" with another guy." talking to my husband about it, realizing it was an addiction, all helped. no contact.)

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a mom like this who got too friendly with my best friend’s STBXH. She was married but complained how unhappy she was. On an out of town tournament she offered him a BJ, no strings attached and he accepted. Claims it didn’t mean anything but my friend left. You need to shut it down now.

Why would the OW even do this? What is in it for her? Serious question. I don’t get it.

Maybe attention.

For the protein?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make sure her husband knows. Not sure how, but I would complicate her life somehow.

This is what I would do. Do you see her husband sometime, OP? Come up to him and joke about it, except it won’t be a joke. Oh goodness, you guys are having a hard time right now, right? Larla has been texting my husband all day every day complaining about you. Better be careful or they’ll run away together! Plant that seed. Make her life a little uncomfortable. Do this every time you see them. Bonus points if she’s there too. She’s a SAHM, she clearly can’t just leave and is at a disadvantage, so use it to your advantage. All’s fair!

I really like you. I'm petty AF and I would totally do this and probably more.

Yep. That’s why they prey on other women’s husbands. And, they are miserable f@cks to their own husbands- but to yours they are so giggly, carefree and just so misunderstood by their mean old husband. SAHM has no options but your man.

Exactly. She is desperate and has latched on. She is giving him attention and flattering him and it's probably been a while since he felt that way - desired, irresistible - so he's easy pickings. Go for the jugular with her husband and do it now. Smile and laugh while you do it, keep it light and breezy. "what? oh come on, I was just kidding around!"

[Anonymous]

Same thing happened here. DH was getting a ton of texts from a mom whose kid was on a team that is being coached by DH.

She would text ostensible pictures relevant to that EC but with a selfie. Instead of taking the picture of just what is needed, she would take a selfie and sometimes with a tank top.

It is infuriating that DH does not see through this. It reached a boiling point over the summer when she included bikini shots of her in the backyard pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind my DH having female friends but that frequency of contact is crossing a line. And him blowing off your concerns is not okay either. I, too, would be particularly miffed that texting her appears to be distracting him from you/your family (key point), and I'd be even more annoyed by his defensiveness about it (red flag). He needs to cool it on replying to her and only reply if it's directly related to the kids' shared activity.

You actually have two problems, 1.) he doesn't see this as a problem (I'm giving benefit of the doubt assuming he's just dense vs. he's gaslighting you), and 2.) that his behavior is what's encouraging her to constantly text him. I'm sorry her marriage is unsatisfying but she's trying to use your husband as replacement emotional support and that's not something I'd be comfortable with in my marriage. Marriage counseling might be an option for you two if he can't understand why this is a problem.


If I were in your shoes, I'd prefer/need my husband to understand the root problem and address it himself, but failing that (and I know DCUM will disagree) I'd honestly call her out on it in a friendly way so she knows you know. "Hey Susan, I've noticed you texting DH at all hours of the day and night-- what's up with that?" If she doesn't back off after that, then you have a serious problem.

I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same thing happened here. DH was getting a ton of texts from a mom whose kid was on a team that is being coached by DH.

She would text ostensible pictures relevant to that EC but with a selfie. Instead of taking the picture of just what is needed, she would take a selfie and sometimes with a tank top.

It is infuriating that DH does not see through this. It reached a boiling point over the summer when she included bikini shots of her in the backyard pool.

I had a friend who did this - but with a lot of men.

Did your husband shut her down?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not OP, but have a somewhat related problem. We have an EC activity that DH is coaching. A mom of one of the kids in that activity texts DH often. It is purely about the activity itself or something directly related to kids other school activities. It is always about the kids but it seems like suddenly she has become his friend. I just find it really annoying but not sure if I am over reacting.

She even calls DH sometimes to discuss these activities. DH is fairly curt in his responses but he responds to her texts.

This is totally different. And not at all inappropriate on your DH’s part.

[Anonymous]

Take it seriously, trust your gut, get in in the text chain and convey to your husband, this is an outlier in the marriage....you rarely feel this but for whatever reason, this one makes you uncomfortable. That should be enough

[Anonymous]

i meant enough for him to hear you and dial it back