Does anyone have a healthy sex life with their spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 19 years, 3 kids. Opened the marriage for both of us two years ago to add variety. And it worked.

I’m curious about this. How often do you sleep with other people? Do you talk about it with each other?

By it I mean the other people, your experiences, frequency etc.

Also, have either of you experienced jealousy?

[Anonymous]

We are in our 50s and have a very active sex life. We are also not very matched in our libidos since I (DW) probably have a higher libido than him.

My DH's lower libido has actually worked for us because in lean years (difficult pregnancies, breastfeeding, healing from episiotomies, illnesses) when I have lost interest, he has gone with the flow and been happy with quickies, bj, hj etc.

What has really worked for us is that we have really cared for each other's happiness. We are devoted to each other, loyal, no cheating, and we mix it up with toys and role playing. I think that because we have been sexually active with some regularity with each other, our parts are not rusted. I think with sex, if you don't use it (solo or with partner) you lose it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 19 years, 3 kids. Opened the marriage for both of us two years ago to add variety. And it worked.

I’m curious about this. How often do you sleep with other people? Do you talk about it with each other?

By it I mean the other people, your experiences, frequency etc.

Also, have either of you experienced jealousy?

I also have many questions! Are you ever worried you (or your spouse) is in danger of really falling in love with another person? would that be a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex is described in very odd ways on this site. If one person is not happy or does not care about their partner’s happiness then this is unhealthy. Sex should be bonding, not dividing.

I do agree with this. And even when people people who are happy with their sex lives describe what they consider to be a good sex life, it often sounds very demanding and not intimate or loving at all. The focus is all on frequency rather than intimacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s because this site isn’t representative of real life. My husband and I are very happy.

I'm gonna have to disagree with this sentiment. I'm in my early 40s and of all my friends, virtually all are in the same boat - minimal sex. I used to think that was NOT the norm when I was younger but the older I get, the more I realize it probably is the norm.

I’m not married and have been, as a matter of choice, celibate for a decade now. Went through a terrible menopause at the same time as a serious illness that took a long time to be properly diagnosed and treated, so was just off sex and relationship demands in general. Now at 50 I have little libido remaining and am happy to take care of myself when I feel any urges.

I’m close with several married friends who all report very minimal sex happening, or in some cases none at all. Seems to me most of the marriages I know about involve a mostly platonic affectionate relationship centered on child rearing. Sex is often a point of contention because one partner wants it more than the other. Of all the marriages I’ve had a window into over the years, there has never been one where both partners were equally libidinous and that equated to lots of hot sex in the later stages of marriage.

I tend to think these hot sex for 20-30-40 years marriages are as abundant and real as unicorns - but hey, anything’s possible.

[Anonymous]

Married for 20 years. She rarely wants sex so I have a few friends with benefits and it works out great. She thinks it’s normal to not want sex as you age. I love her enough to never let her know that I’ve cheated on her since day 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex is described in very odd ways on this site. If one person is not happy or does not care about their partner’s happiness then this is unhealthy. Sex should be bonding, not dividing.

I do agree with this. And even when people people who are happy with their sex lives describe what they consider to be a good sex life, it often sounds very demanding and not intimate or loving at all. The focus is all on frequency rather than intimacy.

+1

[Anonymous]

Our frequency is down to once a week but we’ve been together 40 years. Sometimes it’s same old but often it’s still a lot of fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really? I always feel these threads have people rushing in to claim that they still do it 3 times a day after being together for 30 years.

My impression as well.

[Anonymous]

It was great! Married 20 years 2-3x a week unless there were sick kids.

Then I caught him cheating.

So still 2-3x a week but not with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was great! Married 20 years 2-3x a week unless there were sick kids.

Then I caught him cheating.

So still 2-3x a week but not with him.

[Anonymous]

Sex is a pavlovian response for DH and I. We think if we are in the spooning position while sleeping and anyone even twitches, we must undress and do it, even in our sleep state.

[Anonymous]

How do you manage with teens in the house who may stay up late or later than you? We’ve been finding it challenging...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mid 60’s and at least once a week and sometimes twice. We did have shower sex a few days ago and I forgot how much fun that was but my husband is afraid of falling! I’m sure our kids would be grossed out if I told them that.

Yes, that I can guarantee!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you manage with teens in the house who may stay up late or later than you? We’ve been finding it challenging...

We never have sex at night anymore. It’s during the day, either in bed or the shower.