What is considered a striver?

[Anonymous]

NP, but I feel like I encounter more of the first type of striver (expensive handbag etc) than old money strivers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP, but I feel like I encounter more of the first type of striver (expensive handbag etc) than old money strivers.

I think the point of "old money" is that they already have the social capital and don't need to flaunt their wealth. Showing off your wealth is distasteful, especially if it's a mirage built on a pile of debt. Buying too much house is crass and distasteful. Buying an expensive car to get you from Point A to B is crass (I'll make exceptions for true car aficionados). Deciding who you are friends with is based on what they can do for you or what kind of status they bring is awful. In fact, being transactional in your relationships is a sign of a broken and pathetic person. Striving after certain basic needs are met suggests someone running away from the person they are and being more defined by other people's ideas. It's a sign of deep seated insecurity -- they aren't happy or satisfied with what they have or comfortable with themselves. As one of my relatives once said, you can move anywhere but you still have to live with you.

All of that said, this country was built by people that were striving to improve their station in life. It's one of its best and defining traits. However, beyond a certain point, it becomes unhealthy and distasteful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A hard worker finds something they love to do and work at it because they love it and are successful.

A striver looks at what others do to gain money and/or power and they try to imitate it.

A striver finds out what all the check boxes are for success and try to check all the boxes.

My son, for example, loves to play the trumpet and he excelled at it. He begged me to practice and we begged him to stop. 😀 He got a scholarship to a top university because of his passion. He as kss as I pl as us 10 other instruments but not as well.

Other kids hated playing an instrument but did because they thought it would help with college admissions. They checked every box... SAT prep.., check, instrument check, sport... check ... volunteer, check. None with more EC’s, better SATs, higher GPA got into as better university. They are going to a great colleges and they are fine with where they ended up (their parents... not so much). But they (thr parents) all bemoan that my son with just Trumpet 🎺 got into a better college.

x100000

Well said - great example. Striver is generally people who don't know how to stay in their own lane. They try to pick smart/successful people's brains, but only want to do the minimum, as if there is a shortcut. Hint: there isn't.

Strivers also absolutely hate on people who are smart/successful at the same time - this pertains to being good at trumpet, or basically anything. Can't decide whether to be up successful people's arse, or hate/target them.

People who put down others or are rude to make themselves look better....but end up only making themselves look like they need to put others down to look better.

Strivers are generally rude and obvious, OP. Kind of desperate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have always thought of them as the people who post here incessantly asking how rich people live/dress/talk/walk and so on.

+1. I also include the ladies who post that they carry a ratty, old bag from Costco or Target bc that’s what “old money” would do. I could not believe someone would be stupid enough to admit that, even on an anonymous board, but they are good examples of strivers.

No. Disagree. A striver would never carry a ratty bag that is not an expensive name brand. Ever. Same with car. They would never drive a non-luxury brand of car.

You described one type of striver but the old money wannabes are strivers too. They may buy different things but have the striver-ish quality of desperately trying to be what they consider “better.”

+1, people have been trying to emulate old money since the 80s, and they're much more obnoxious than anyone with new money who doesn't emulate wasps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP, but I feel like I encounter more of the first type of striver (expensive handbag etc) than old money strivers.

I think the point of "old money" is that they already have the social capital and don't need to flaunt their wealth. Showing off your wealth is distasteful, especially if it's a mirage built on a pile of debt. Buying too much house is crass and distasteful. Buying an expensive car to get you from Point A to B is crass (I'll make exceptions for true car aficionados). Deciding who you are friends with is based on what they can do for you or what kind of status they bring is awful. In fact, being transactional in your relationships is a sign of a broken and pathetic person. Striving after certain basic needs are met suggests someone running away from the person they are and being more defined by other people's ideas. It's a sign of deep seated insecurity -- they aren't happy or satisfied with what they have or comfortable with themselves. As one of my relatives once said, you can move anywhere but you still have to live with you.

All of that said, this country was built by people that were striving to improve their station in life. It's one of its best and defining traits. However, beyond a certain point, it becomes unhealthy and distasteful.

I don't think most people in this geographic area have experienced old money, first hand. But yeah, old money is not pretentious or rude, generally - more humble than not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have always thought of them as the people who post here incessantly asking how rich people live/dress/talk/walk and so on.

+1. I also include the ladies who post that they carry a ratty, old bag from Costco or Target bc that’s what “old money” would do. I could not believe someone would be stupid enough to admit that, even on an anonymous board, but they are good examples of strivers.

No. Disagree. A striver would never carry a ratty bag that is not an expensive name brand. Ever. Same with car. They would never drive a non-luxury brand of car.

You described one type of striver but the old money wannabes are strivers too. They may buy different things but have the striver-ish quality of desperately trying to be what they consider “better.”

+1, people have been trying to emulate old money since the 80s, and they're much more obnoxious than anyone with new money who doesn't emulate wasps.

Wasps? You mean flat affect? No, that is very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who lease cars and buy homes they can’t afford. They couldn’t go 3 months without their income and still pay their bills.

Usually lease high end cars, but rent old, small houses in close in neighborhoods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have always thought of them as the people who post here incessantly asking how rich people live/dress/talk/walk and so on.

+1. I also include the ladies who post that they carry a ratty, old bag from Costco or Target bc that’s what “old money” would do. I could not believe someone would be stupid enough to admit that, even on an anonymous board, but they are good examples of strivers.

No. Disagree. A striver would never carry a ratty bag that is not an expensive name brand. Ever. Same with car. They would never drive a non-luxury brand of car.

You described one type of striver but the old money wannabes are strivers too. They may buy different things but have the striver-ish quality of desperately trying to be what they consider “better.”

Striving amongst the old money set is more about who you know or who you’re related to, not houses/cars/material items. Lots of subtle name dropping lest anyone forget who they are or where they came from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strivers are people who want to do better whether it is in their marriage, child rearing, career etc. Yes, striving too hard can become a negative especially if it just career focused at the expense of marriage and family.

It's mostly the 40-something social media moms, who want everything to look "perfect", while sh&t is literally hitting the fan behind the scenes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strivers are people who want to do better whether it is in their marriage, child rearing, career etc. Yes, striving too hard can become a negative especially if it just career focused at the expense of marriage and family.

It's mostly the 40-something social media moms, who want everything to look "perfect", while sh&t is literally hitting the fan behind the scenes.

I think this article does a good job of defining a striver by what a striver isn't.

https://www.businessinsider.com/wearing-casual-clothes-at-work-to-show-wealth-2017-2

"Americans at the top have become the experts in countersignaling, because they don’t feel they have to impress anyone."

"Countersignaling is when you go out of your way to show you don’t need to go out of your way. The boss doesn’t have to wear a tie or even dress up.

If he did, that would suggest he had something to prove, which would be a negative rather than a positive impression."

"In an art gallery or some other high-end retail outlet, the dealers and directors know that very often the biggest spenders walk in the door wearing jeans and sneakers. Those who show up in the suit and tie are less likely to drop $10 million on a Basquiat, as the choice of formal garb signals they still have something to prove.

But if you’re just hanging out in a train station and watching travelers pass by, you probably won’t think the same lofty thoughts about those people in the jeans and sneakers; instead, you would sooner assume that those with the suits and ties have more money.

The upshot is this: When it comes to signaling and judging status, significant parts of America are becoming more like the art gallery and less like the train station."

Recognition is never more than an act of Google away, and so the American notion of class is based all the more on what a person already has done, and the class distinctions are enforced ultimately not by snobby matrons who run social circles but rather by the act of Googling itself.


A striver is someone who isn't at the top and is trying way too hard to signal that they are and often clueless about how things have changed in terms of social status.

[Anonymous]

I know I’m not a striver because I’m too poor to even strive lol. I wish I had new money.

[Anonymous]

Striver has all the above meanings, depending on the context and the person who utters it. It’s stupid. Move on.