Why do so many men dislike being a parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many men are basically children themselves. Especially the momma’s boys.

DH loves being a dad, but told me he hopes we only have girls. I think he knows that gets him off the hook for a lot of responsibilities.

I don’t get it. Why wouldn’t your husband be as involved in the lives of his girls?

My husband has always spent tons of time with our daughter, enjoyed doing the morning preschool runs when she was little, helps her with homework, and is teaching her to play the guitar. Her Girl Scout troop is full of involved dads, who frequently help out with activities and cookie booths, and shuttling their girls back and forth. My own dad was heavily involved in my sport, and would work all the meets and drive me to practices every day.

Maybe my experiences are unusual, but I don’t see any reason why having girls would let a dad “off the hook.”

Agreed. My dad was super involved in my life and my husband is super involved in our daughters’ lives. That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard. Hopefully you’re misunderstanding your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Immature and spoiled. Likley never had to work a real hard days work. Pampered by mommy and daddy. That's who. Could be mom or dad. We are seeing more of those as they were more spoiled young adults in recent decades than never before. Because most MC families could afford a lot more to their kids than MC families in 60, 70, even 80s.
Similar in many aflunet countries. I never heard my dad complain about work, kids, anything, nor my mom. Now, people my generation also never complained, those that I know. I am almost 50 with young adult kids.
But, most younger parents than me are complaining all the time.

I am 35 and I agree with this. I feel like people in my age group are the biggest complainers on social media about parenthood and it’s like, give me a break. I do not remember my mom complaining like this and quite frankly I think the children of some of these people are going to have their feelings hurt when they get older and can see what their parents have posted about them on social media.

Or they'll be able to have a clear picture that parenting sucks and not make the same mistake I did.

It doesn't work that way. Kids want their parents to love them unconditionally. To be there for them al the time. The only thing learning that your parents resented doing things for you will do, is make them hate their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in this day and age, with reliable birth control and abortion, more people should be opting out of parenting.

It used to be that you had kids because you had sex but it doesn't have to be that way anymore.

Unless you know you're really fine with the caretaking aspect of parenting - all the sacrifices and labor and drudgery involved - you probably shouldn't do it.

I dont have kids and I agree. I have SO many mom friends who complain SO much about taking care of their kids and their houses. It seems pretty obvious to me that being a mom is a TON of work and you are signing up for years of exhaustion and hard work. I don't get why people have kids and then complain about how hard it is. Especially people who have three or four kids.

I think this sentiment is part of what’s causing this shift in parenting being more stressful and competitive. It used to be that parenting was just part of married life. Now it’s something you have signed on to do, and you can’t complain, ask for help, or fail in any way.

I don't think that's a bad thing though. If you're not up to it, don't do it. I feel that it's something you should opt into because you really want to do it, not something that you do just because "it's the next life phase." Raising another person is a big freaking deal and it's a good thing that as a society we are treating it that way now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in this day and age, with reliable birth control and abortion, more people should be opting out of parenting.

It used to be that you had kids because you had sex but it doesn't have to be that way anymore.

Unless you know you're really fine with the caretaking aspect of parenting - all the sacrifices and labor and drudgery involved - you probably shouldn't do it.

I dont have kids and I agree. I have SO many mom friends who complain SO much about taking care of their kids and their houses. It seems pretty obvious to me that being a mom is a TON of work and you are signing up for years of exhaustion and hard work. I don't get why people have kids and then complain about how hard it is. Especially people who have three or four kids.

I think this sentiment is part of what’s causing this shift in parenting being more stressful and competitive. It used to be that parenting was just part of married life. Now it’s something you have signed on to do, and you can’t complain, ask for help, or fail in any way.

I don't think that's a bad thing though. If you're not up to it, don't do it. I feel that it's something you should opt into because you really want to do it, not something that you do just because "it's the next life phase." Raising another person is a big freaking deal and it's a good thing that as a society we are treating it that way now.

+1

[Anonymous]

They feel they were trapped into it.

They feel like they are being used as an ATM machine.

They feel their wife cares more about the kids than about him. He wants things to go back to the way they were prior to kids.

(Smart men would stop at one one child.)

[Anonymous]

My mom did not want any kids. My dad wanted 5 or 6. They composited at 3. (Well, number 3 was an accident.)

Mom has been miserable most of her life. Dad has loved being a dad, but he does not do the drudge work.

[Anonymous]

I took a good, hard, long look at the job of parenting and decided to become a Single Mom by Choice. I love it. I don;t think I could stand it if my partner ended up being a crappy parent. It's been 13 years and so far so good.

So many divorces in the meantime, though. Sad.

[Anonymous]

I met my DH wile we were living in DC after college. We were in our 20s and having the time of our lives. When we decided to get married and have kids we moved away to a medium sized city. No way were we raising kids in a town where people see private school as their only/best choice, and where they constantly talk about their jobs. Our kids go to school with all the other neighborhood kids. they don't get cell phones til they are in high school and have earned the grades we expect them to. We don't commute an hour in horrendous traffic /overcrowded metro to get to work because we prefer being with our kids those 2 hours a day. DH and I met at 24, married at 27, and waited til 34 to have our first child -- after many many long hard talks about parenting before committing to it.

Moral: Stop rushing into it. Talk about every aspect of parenthood and parenting. Talk to your parents for the real story.