Why do so many men dislike being a parent?

[Anonymous]

Being a dad is the best part of being married. It’s the wives that most men can’t stand.

[Anonymous]

I'm a mom and every once in a while, I would like my own apartment where I can watch tv and play games too. I know my husband feels the same way. In general, though, we like our kids and like to be around them. They are our family and life would be awfully boring without them. I like to believe most men and women feel the same.

I know a couple of men who hit middle age and decided they chose the wrong life - they left their wives and kids and bought jeep wranglers. They become every other weekend dads. I'm sure it happens with some moms too - I just don't know any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not all women like being a parent either

If I had it to do over I would never have had children. I hope my daughter doesn't have children. Women have to do everything and my DH actually helped a lot but that doesn't make up for pregnancy, and the never ending needs of children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a dad is the best part of being married. It’s the wives that most men can’t stand.

+1, I love my daughters and have a great time doing stuff with them

[Anonymous]

All the men I know enjoy being parents and are really active with their kids, especially my husband. You need new friends.

[Anonymous]

Because forcing children to do things is exhausting. Kids are forced to eat, sleep, shower, poop, drink, go to school, do activities, homework, chores. They realize they created a human who hates life. Its actually sad that people keep reproducing . Kids don’t want to be alive. I hear kids daily tell me how much they hate being alive.

[Anonymous]

Wow I don’t know any men like that. In our social group, lives very much center on family stuff even for the husbands. DH and I try to swap off so we each get some time to work out, see friends (non COVID times), have a little alone time to read or whatever, so we don’t burn out. But our lives are very much planned around activities with our young kids. Sure there are really hard parts. But I think they also make everything more fun.

DH loves being a dad and taking our boys camping, to play putt putt, to laser tag, to watch sports, etc. Maybe it helps that he has sons who really are his mini-mes!

[Anonymous]

My husband loves being a father. My dad loves being a father. I'd say of all my close guy friends I have only ever heard of one say that sometimes he thinks about what it would be like to not have kids but that's it.

[Anonymous]

??

I do not know of any men within my own family and friends group who are not absolutely besotted and involved dads. Maybe I am moving in a different circle than OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to know better men.

No kidding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:??

I do not know of any men within my own family and friends group who are not absolutely besotted and involved dads. Maybe I am moving in a different circle than OP?

And they might still secretly hate parenting. There's a lot of judgemental people out there that would jump on you if you said you disliked being a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to know better men.

+1000

Playing video games & surfing the web all day? Blech. Sounds like a loser. Most of the men I know work their asses off and are far more involved than their own fathers were, and some are more hands-on than their wives.

[Anonymous]

I think parenting has changed.

Im 34 and have a 2.5 year old. In 1984 only 29 percent of married women held full-time year-round jobs compare that to 2019 labor statistics " At least one parent was employed in 91.3 percent of families with children, an
increase of 0.5 percentage point from the previous year. Among married-couple families with children, 97.5 percent had at least one employed parent in 2019, and 64.2 percent had both parents employed. Among families maintained by fathers, 85.2 percent of fathers were employed, a greater share than the 75.4 percent of employed mothers in families maintained by mothers."

Less multi-generation living. Less staying in your hometown. More commute times and longer hours with the inclusion of telecommuting, WAH, and cell phones.

It is very rare to have a neighborhood that is safe for school-aged children to play unsupervised. You have to build a village out of friends and acquaintances and neighbors so that your kids can play while you talk to an adult.

This isnt how your parents or their parents were raised. Its a LOT. I think men in my generation and those a bit older see parenting through their own childhood. If it was magical then they assume its easy. Its a grind for most people I know. Add in special needs, parental caregiving, student loan debt, a wildly oscillating economy over the past 10-20 years and its easy to get burnt out.

For myself, as a woman, I love my son, but I also loved being able to sleep in and watch a movie on a rainy Saturday. I could work out at 9, show up at 11, work til 8 or work out at 5, and be off at 3pm. My time was my own. Its a season is what I keep in mind. Just like the weather. In summer, as great as it is- gets annoying. And winter with snow and snuggly scarves is awesome, but you want a little more sun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know more moms who hate being moms than I do dads who hate being dads.

I don’t have kids, but being a dad looks like a way better deal than being a mom.

+1. I’m a mom, and would much rather be a dad.

Moms would rather be the dads because the dads don't do as much. Some women love the responsibility of being a mother, but if I could have a "wife" who took care of the kids and the house, I'd be super happy, and I'm a mom. I love my children, but I don't love the cooking, cleaning, bathing, making sure they do their HW, clean their rooms.. part. I love interacting with them and seeing them grow, learn, but the drudgery part, which is alot, I could do without, and clearly, so can men. Thankfully though, both DH and I share the drudgery part of raising children.

Many men like procreating but they don't want the actual responsibility of being a parent. Most will do it, but half heartedly, just look at this forum and the fact that like 70%+ of childcare and house chores are done by women.

[Anonymous]

I can’t speak for everyone except myself and those in my circle. I’m lucky as DH does way more parenting to our K and 2d grader than I do. I’m not sure why but it just came about this way. It may be that I dwell on things too much without doing and view everything as a task, I need a plan to include parenting actions. DH will just do. He doesn’t dwell, he doesn’t fret, he just does, and does it with a smile. His drive I think comes from his simple mantra of, “They won’t be with us forever.” and he wants to make the most of it. I also have a much shorter temper than he does. That’s just us. Among my circle, I think most of the moms do the majority of parenting but there are a couple that I think secretly despise their kids, just by how they snap at and always frown at their kids.