Got stood up tonight...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again: thank you so, so much for the kind words! silly as it sounds, they definitely made me feel better, so thank you internet strangers. I still can’t believe this happened to me - like several others on here, I have certainly had my fair share of ‘omg he looks so different from his profile’ but still stuck it out for an hour to be respectful to another human being! Anyways - I reported him to the app and they responded quickly and let me know that they’d banned him. Hopefully no other women will have to deal with this. The more I think about it-there was some shadiness, and part of me does wonder if he was cat fishing.

I think he was, OP. Good for you for getting him banned.

While this guy was disrespectful and a jerk in how he chose to handle the situation, no one is under any obligation to sit through a date with someone they aren't attracted to. People sometimes look much different in person than in pictures. The app service can ban whoever they want obviously; doesn't mean they should.

OP here. I understand that, but still think it was extremely rude - would’ve much preferred if he had texted that he had a ‘last minute emergency’ or even been honest that he didn’t see it working out rather than leaving me hanging. I went on a date last year and (as my Uber was pulling up) saw him waiting outside (he had told me what he was wearing). I was immediately unattracted to him, but still went on the date. Should I have just unmatched him and told my Uber to keep going?

I understand not tolerating blatant lying (someone’s pictures are of a bikini model and they show up and are 300 pounds) but I truly believe my photos were accurate - all were from within the last year, had full body shots, and (ironically) I was actually ten pounds heavier than I am now in a couple of them (although I am not overweight). IMO - the risk you take with online dating is that you might have to sit through a 45 minute date where you’re not sold on the person. I’ve certainly done this, but maybe I shouldn’t in the future?

I wasn't defending him by any stretch; I definitely would not have done what he did. And that isn't to say you should either. You sound like someone who would be much more bothered with yourself for pulling a stunt like that than you would be by just sitting through dinner. I was just trying to frame it objectively. He didn't owe you that date, just like you don't owe him another second of your thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^NP and I think there's a distinction between good manners and doing the right thing vs. conduct that is so egregious that it deserves a ban. I agree what he did was rude but not so egregious it warrants a ban.

I wouldn't sweat it though, I've read the whole thread and you seem like an incredibly level-headed, mature and thoughtful person. I read your responses and I'm like yeah she seems like an awesome person.

FWIW I also sit through dates so long as the person has not blatantly misrepresented themselves. To date that hasn't happened, I think, but I'm not sure, that I would walk away if I thought someone did so.

Thank you - that’s so kind of you to say! I have some social anxiety myself, so it’s been a big deal for me to ‘put myself out there’ for these dates...and now this. Sigh. Hoping for a more respectful man in my future!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again: thank you so, so much for the kind words! silly as it sounds, they definitely made me feel better, so thank you internet strangers. I still can’t believe this happened to me - like several others on here, I have certainly had my fair share of ‘omg he looks so different from his profile’ but still stuck it out for an hour to be respectful to another human being! Anyways - I reported him to the app and they responded quickly and let me know that they’d banned him. Hopefully no other women will have to deal with this. The more I think about it-there was some shadiness, and part of me does wonder if he was cat fishing.

I think he was, OP. Good for you for getting him banned.

While this guy was disrespectful and a jerk in how he chose to handle the situation, no one is under any obligation to sit through a date with someone they aren't attracted to. People sometimes look much different in person than in pictures. The app service can ban whoever they want obviously; doesn't mean they should.

OP here. I understand that, but still think it was extremely rude - would’ve much preferred if he had texted that he had a ‘last minute emergency’ or even been honest that he didn’t see it working out rather than leaving me hanging. I went on a date last year and (as my Uber was pulling up) saw him waiting outside (he had told me what he was wearing). I was immediately unattracted to him, but still went on the date. Should I have just unmatched him and told my Uber to keep going?

I understand not tolerating blatant lying (someone’s pictures are of a bikini model and they show up and are 300 pounds) but I truly believe my photos were accurate - all were from within the last year, had full body shots, and (ironically) I was actually ten pounds heavier than I am now in a couple of them (although I am not overweight). IMO - the risk you take with online dating is that you might have to sit through a 45 minute date where you’re not sold on the person. I’ve certainly done this, but maybe I shouldn’t in the future?

I wasn't defending him by any stretch; I definitely would not have done what he did. And that isn't to say you should either. You sound like someone who would be much more bothered with yourself for pulling a stunt like that than you would be by just sitting through dinner. I was just trying to frame it objectively. He didn't owe you that date, just like you don't owe him another second of your thoughts.

Yeah - I guess (aside from the respect aspect), I would be concerned about the (small chance of) encountering him again - maybe I’d work with/for him, end up dating a friend or acquaintance - imagine being in a happy relationship and then your SO figuring out ‘hey - you were the one who stood my best friend up!’ Hah. Oh well. Trying not to let this get to me as much as it has!

[Anonymous]

Many years ago I set my friend up with another guy I knew. I told him if she wasn't his cup of tea she would make a great friend. They met at a restaurant, and order drinks. By the time the wait person takes their order he abruptly says no they would just have drinks. Then he announces he would have to leave shortly because his daughter texted saying she needs a ride home, and her car broke down. She was beyond mad, and embarrassed...not to mention he didn't even walk her to her car. I was shocked and never spoke to him again.

OP you dodged a bullet, just be thankful.