44yo - too late?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The average age of a first-time grandparent is 49. Yes, too late.

Clearly not in NW DC…

OP, I’m 70 now and had my healthy, wonderful last baby 22 years ago. He just started at Yale Med school and is by far the least anxious and most well-adjusted of my three children. You might as well go for it, but I’d recommend not coming back here for advice; too many women casting judgment and when it’s the most highly personal decision (to try) you can make!

My doctor told me how studies show that your body recognizes a birth at a later age and “resets” its biological clock to take care of a newborn; an evolutionary extension of life, so to speak. They’re doing more research into this, but anecdotally, I feel 20+ years younger than my friends who are mostly grandmas by now, and acting accordingly fragile. Meanwhile, I went zip lining down the Great Wall pre-pandemic and feel very energetic / fit.

You’re only as old as your mindset, and having a baby later in life truly keeps you young. Life is unpredictable and, while I planned on having kids earlier (but couldn’t at the time due to medical reasons), I am loving life as an older empty nester and wouldn’t have changed a thing

I feel so happy for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't cheer on a 44 year old man. You already have two kids. Give the planet a break.

Oh please. Why don’t you go first? We need fewer of your type anyway

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't cheer on a 44 year old man. You already have two kids. Give the planet a break.

Oh please. Why don’t you go first? We need fewer of your type anyway

“Your type”?

People who care about the health and stability of our planet and every living thing that exists?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The average age of a first-time grandparent is 49. Yes, too late.

We had our first child at 48.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The average age of a first-time grandparent is 49. Yes, too late.

We had our first child at 48.

That is gross.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have 2 kids. Love them. If you had 0 kids, I'd say try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't cheer on a 44 year old man. You already have two kids. Give the planet a break.

+1 read about parental age and autism risk.

Huh. I was 32 when I had my autistic son 1 who I wouldn’t want any other way- and was in perfect health, etc. but to you and the po commenting on chromosomal defects- I mean, yeah, op’s risk for those things are higher now. Everyone knows that. Some people just want children to love. They don’t have to be perfect.

Dp More younger women have babies with Down Syndrome but, the odds increase for older women. I too have an Autistic dd when I was 31 but, that is more to do with genes. I think the op should think about why she wants a third since she already has two children. Is she afraid of being an empty nester? Have a third 10 years younger will delay that but she can't keep having babies to make her feel younger or explore the next phase of her life.

Why? She wants a 3rd kid - what's it to you the reason why?

I'm in a similar position to OP. I have 2 and I feel like there is someone missing. If the person that's "missing" is a child with down syndrome or autism or a missing leg, it doesn't matter. I want them here. I'd rather do life with them than without them.

The thing that you feel you are missing is your brain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't cheer on a 44 year old man. You already have two kids. Give the planet a break.

Oh please. Why don’t you go first? We need fewer of your type anyway

That’s ironic, we don’t need any at all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't cheer on a 44 year old man. You already have two kids. Give the planet a break.

Oh please. Why don’t you go first? We need fewer of your type anyway

+1. The people that scream about others having kids while they continue to prance around sucking up resources are total hypocrites. Put your money where your big mouth is, sweetie, and save the earth from your terrible human self already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No concern re: your age and having a baby - just a note to say that most women's eggs are not high enough quality to make a baby after age 43. There are outliers, of course. Everbody's heard a story about so-and-so's grandmother who had babies at age 50..... But after age 43, it is very common that reproductive endocrinologists will recommend that a woman/couple looking to conceive use donor eggs due to the high risk of miscarriage or fetal chromosomal abnormalities.

This. It’s biology. Some women have poor eggs period and others have better eggs for longer, but there is a fairly uniform decline in both our egg quality and quantity as we age…I am 34 and have two and am freezing my embryos, because I know that I want a third and I want to have some peace of mind that if I want to get pregnant at 37 or 38 that my eggs will be better quality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No concern re: your age and having a baby - just a note to say that most women's eggs are not high enough quality to make a baby after age 43. There are outliers, of course. Everbody's heard a story about so-and-so's grandmother who had babies at age 50..... But after age 43, it is very common that reproductive endocrinologists will recommend that a woman/couple looking to conceive use donor eggs due to the high risk of miscarriage or fetal chromosomal abnormalities.

This. It’s biology. Some women have poor eggs period and others have better eggs for longer, but there is a fairly uniform decline in both our egg quality and quantity as we age…I am 34 and have two and am freezing my embryos, because I know that I want a third and I want to have some peace of mind that if I want to get pregnant at 37 or 38 that my eggs will be better quality.

But that's the thing ...as you say, some women DO have better eggs for longer. They just do. (I was one of them, thankfully.) And you have no way to know unless you try.
It's like how becoming a successful actor/artist/author/whatever is almost impossible, especially after a certain age. Except - someone is going to succeed. Even older someones succeed. And you might have what it takes. Some people look at the average rate of success in anything as a reason not to even try for something that matters to them. But some people want it badly enough that they just go for it, despite the odds. Yes, the odds are against them. They probably won't succeed. But they might. Unless they don't try, in which case the odds are zero and they will spend their whole lives wondering, what if I'd just given it a shot?

Short version: as long as the odds aren't a confirmed 0, if a thing is important to you, then you might as well try. And in a world where people can die at 25 or live to 105, as long as you're healthy heading into middle age, then you're not "too old" for anything you're physically capable of doing.

[Anonymous]

I had twins at 44. I don’t recommend it and I have great easy kids now adults. You are just so off schedule with the other parents and very expensive to do college in your 60s. But if you are rich that really helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No concern re: your age and having a baby - just a note to say that most women's eggs are not high enough quality to make a baby after age 43. There are outliers, of course. Everbody's heard a story about so-and-so's grandmother who had babies at age 50..... But after age 43, it is very common that reproductive endocrinologists will recommend that a woman/couple looking to conceive use donor eggs due to the high risk of miscarriage or fetal chromosomal abnormalities.

This. It’s biology. Some women have poor eggs period and others have better eggs for longer, but there is a fairly uniform decline in both our egg quality and quantity as we age…I am 34 and have two and am freezing my embryos, because I know that I want a third and I want to have some peace of mind that if I want to get pregnant at 37 or 38 that my eggs will be better quality.

But that's the thing ...as you say, some women DO have better eggs for longer. They just do. (I was one of them, thankfully.) And you have no way to know unless you try.
It's like how becoming a successful actor/artist/author/whatever is almost impossible, especially after a certain age. Except - someone is going to succeed. Even older someones succeed. And you might have what it takes. Some people look at the average rate of success in anything as a reason not to even try for something that matters to them. But some people want it badly enough that they just go for it, despite the odds. Yes, the odds are against them. They probably won't succeed. But they might. Unless they don't try, in which case the odds are zero and they will spend their whole lives wondering, what if I'd just given it a shot?

Short version: as long as the odds aren't a confirmed 0, if a thing is important to you, then you might as well try. And in a world where people can die at 25 or live to 105, as long as you're healthy heading into middle age, then you're not "too old" for anything you're physically capable of doing.

.

As someone that had recurrent pregnancy loss for 4 years, no, it’s not as easy as just going for it. Trying and failing, and losing pregnancies, takes a toll on your physical and mental health, and your relationships. It’s easy to say you’ll stay detached, but when it’s your body, that’s easier said than done.

[Anonymous]

It’s tough to be a woman who wants kids. You basically get a 12 year window at most (25-37) if you don’t want your kid to be poor. Unless you want your kids to be a year apart you have to wait each time, and then professional school might shorten the window even more.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have reached the promised land. You have kids who are old enough to do fun, adventurous things with, but still young enough to want to spend time with you. Why would you want to mess with that? A baby will bring you back to the land of scheduled naps, bedtimes, strict routines. I have a brother who has a 10 year old and just had another baby at age 50 (wife is much younger). He will not be able to do a lot of the things with his older kid that I am doing with mine because of the age gap between his kids. You will not have your older kids around much longer... think about what you want the next 6-10 years to look like with them.