I honestly don’t get the concern about kids being isolated socially
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Anonymous
Well, children are a little more cognitively advanced than dogs  so I hope they won't completely forget how to talk to each other.
However, I do see some of the DC's friendships crumble because of the inability to maintain them in person. Social isolation is a thing, especially, for only children. |
Anonymous
Most of the people who post here have a ton of social anxiety, and so their kids have inherited the same from them. They are hoping that socialization will make things better. |
Anonymous
| Many people are not willing to spend time or even parent their kids. They rely on school and others to do it. |
Anonymous
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There is a rabidly vocal minority of posters who continually vent and rant about social isolation and mental health on DCUM. In reality, none of my friends and colleagues in real life are concerned with this. They are concerned with saving lives and mitigating the pandemic. Their kids are doing just fine, as mine are. I do have one neighbor who complained about the social isolation of her 3 teen kids and how schools needed to open back up. She's a stay-at-home mother who bullied everyone on the PTA Board (and any parent who'd cross her) back in the day. Not criticizing sty-at-home parents or PTAs, I've done both, but she wasn't a single mother who needed to work and put her kids in daycare... |
Anonymous
Of course it's not ideal. It sucks. But no, not everyone is struggling. Life is not what you order it to be. If your kids can't weather this period, then they will have a hard time in the future, too. I know people don't want to hear that, but it's true. Some kids have experienced their parents losing their jobs, downsizing from houses to apartments, moving across the country where they don't know anyone, the death of a parent, death of a sibling, divorce, etc. The list goes on and on. People have to be resilient in life if they want to succeed. That's real. This pandemic is a hurdle your kids have to jump over. If they can't make this, then they may have gone on to crumble during their first year away at college, or the first time they were skipped over for a promotion or didn't get a job they wanted, or got a gruelingly hard job they couldn't quit, broke up with their first love, got a divorce, etc. So don't blame the pandemic. Life throws all kinds of crap at people. You have to handle it well. Yes, this truly sucks. But it's not the end of the world. And if if is, then something else would likely have picked off your kids somewhere down the line, too. Be proactive. Be in charge of how you explain this to your kids. Let them be heroes for dealing with this difficult situation. Let them know they're living through a part of history. ETC!!!! |
Anonymous
Why would a dog develop social anxiety from being with its owners 24/7? That makes no sense. The dog is in heaven. |
Anonymous
Not entirely untrue, sadly. That said, kids need socialization. but the parents who don't parent aren't making sure their kids are getting socialization in the pandemic. But I see a lot of parents really putting in the effort and the love and the time. They set up social distance/mask-wearing, outdoor playdate activities (hikes, races, biking, distant sports or parallel sports; scootering; social distance picnics) (with all the careful and diplomatic negotiation required to make everyone feel safe/make sure everyone is safe). And in the process, all my kids and their friends have really discovered the great outdoors. The no-indoor rule has actually brought a lot of good things into our kids' lives, if we're looking for silver linings. The parents who really understand how important continued social development is help set up and facilitate FaceTimes, which, after getting off to a terrible start, have become something these kids have figured out and don't even need us for anymore. They pick themes. They set agendas. They have discussions. They share projects. They share ideas. They do a project together (like maybe paint a similar thing and then share). My son and one of his friends even send each other lego kits every other week to build together on their FaceTime. My daughter and one of her friends send each other books to read and then discuss. It's like hangout time, and they have grown into it beautifully, from what I've seen. My daughter even plays chess with her friend on FaceTime! Some kids are staying engaged in ways we thought long gone--the good old-fashioned phone! (Remember the 90s? I mean, I lived on my phone. I burned it UP.). They talk for hours--actually talk--because text isn't going to do it right now for some of them. It's actually really sweet. Ideally, I want my kids in person with other kids improving ALL of their social skills. These things I set up for them and help them set up aren't perfect substitutes, but they really, really help, and I've been amazed to see just how much cooperation, kindness, conflict resolution, and other skills are required to navigate these playdates. Some of them are the same old things kids always did (whose turn is it to go on the game? Who gets to read the book first? Who gets to share their project first? Who REALLY won the bike race?) and some of them are "unique" to the new era--saying hi and asking how kids are doing even though you're on a tablet. Or in a mask. Finding ways to communicate happiness and kindness with a mask (kids are amazing at this, actually). Finding ways to work collaboratively when you can't touch. I actually thought it was really cool watching my son (in a mask) and his friend (in a mask) build a socially distant set of twin building towers with rocks and sticks the other day. They collaborated and worked together in ways they'd never had to before, and they barely missed a beat. Is this a substitute for their old life? No. It's not. Is it ideal? I'm going to say no. Is it a lot of work for me, on top of my full-time job and full-time everutjimg right now? Absolutely. And I don't judge anyone for whom it's just too much right now to do a lot of this. we moms are doing our best here. All I'll say, though, is that the work to get these things done is definitely not for nothing. In fact, I think it might--might--even be just enough to largely preserve the social skills they had already been building before so that they aren't super behind, and at the same time, they'll get some new social skills-- about how to socialize under odd and unexpected circumstances. How to adapt. How to make it work. And those skills will be more than social. These kids, I'm willing to be, will actually be pretty strong. to be clear, I hate the pandemic, I hate it all. All these silver linings do not erase the clouds. I'm not being a pollyanna here. I'm just saying that (1) I don't think it's good for kids to be isolated socially; but (2) I know a lot of parents busting our humps to make sure we do the best by our kids in this regard right now while still following all the guidelines and being very safe; and (3) It actually seems to be decently effective. |
Anonymous
They really don't. I volunteered in elementary school for years. They're so regimented most kids can't talk together properly unless it's at recess, and even then, not always. |
Anonymous
Very well put. My children are doing fine. Perhaps it's because of what PP said: we've lived through some tough times, we're closely bonded as a family, and the kids have some perspective on this. One of my kids has special needs, too. Not all special needs kids are suffering right now. I apologize for being harsh, but when I read complaints of that sort on DCUM, I always suspect that these posters and their kids must have had everything handed to them on a silver platter. No suffering and resilience-building whatsoever. |
Anonymous
| My boys are surprisingly also doing pretty well without face-to-face socialization. Before the pandemic, we were constantly on the go. DH and I would split up on the weekend taking one child to one sport event, and another child to the next soccer game. Having to stay put slowed us all down and allowed us to bond as a family. We are talking to our kids more, and spending more time to just hang out to get to know them. My boys have never been closer to each other, and I love it. I can imagine how hard it would be to be an only-child, however. That said, if you are the lucky few to have the ability to work from home, this feels like such a great time to be with family. |
Anonymous
Your assumption is ridiculous. You would think as the parent of a SN child you would have a bit more compassion. |
Anonymous
| Well, not to be snarky, but this situation sort of gives those social butterflies a taste of what regular life is like for my DC. Prior to Covid DC was never invited on many playdates, it is heartbreaking to me. I can’t make other kids want to include my child, but we are fairly new to the area and DC just hasn’t made any friends. Second graders seem to have cliques already? |
Anonymous
That poster has been on DCUM for years on the SN board and is borderline sociopathic in her inability to empathize. You can safely ignore. |
Anonymous
NP. This was essentially how I spent my summers until college. I saw my friends a couple times each summer. We went to the beach once every two-three years. My parents left me and my siblings home alone together in the summer starting when I was 7. We had an ingroundpool but it was never used. My parents were unorganized and inefficient wrt household stuff-chores, losing bills. I had to find hobbies at home as a result. Nothing abusive but very simple life. |
Anonymous
Agree |