Reply to I honestly don’t get the concern about kids being isolated socially

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Many people are not willing to spend time or even parent their kids.  They rely on school and others to do it. [/quote]

Not entirely untrue, sadly.

That said, kids need socialization. but the parents who don't parent aren't making sure their kids are getting socialization in the pandemic. But I see a lot of parents really putting in the effort and the love and the time. They set up  social distance/mask-wearing, outdoor playdate activities (hikes, races, biking, distant sports or parallel sports; scootering; social distance picnics) (with all the careful and diplomatic negotiation required to make everyone feel safe/make sure everyone is safe). And in the process, all my kids and their friends have really discovered the great outdoors. The no-indoor rule has actually brought a lot of good things into our kids' lives, if we're looking for silver linings.

The parents who really understand how important continued social development is help set up and facilitate FaceTimes, which, after getting off to a terrible start, have become something these kids have figured out and don't even need us for anymore. They pick themes. They set agendas. They have discussions. They share projects. They share ideas. They do a project together (like maybe paint a similar thing and then share). My son and one of his friends even send each other lego kits every other week to build together on their FaceTime. My daughter and one of her friends send each other books to read and then discuss. It's like hangout time, and they have grown into it beautifully, from what I've seen. My daughter even plays chess with her friend on FaceTime!

Some kids are staying engaged in ways we thought long gone--the good old-fashioned phone! (Remember the 90s? I mean, I lived on my phone. I burned it UP.). They talk for hours--actually talk--because text isn't going to do it right now for some of them. It's actually really sweet.

Ideally, I want my kids in person with other kids improving ALL of their social skills. These things I set up for them and help them set up aren't perfect substitutes, but they really, really help, and I've been amazed to see just how much cooperation, kindness, conflict resolution, and other skills are required to navigate these playdates. Some of them are the same old things kids always did (whose turn is it to go on the game? Who gets to read the book first? Who gets to share their project first? Who REALLY won the bike race?) and some of them are "unique" to the new era--saying hi and asking how kids are doing even though you're on a tablet. Or in a mask. Finding ways to communicate happiness and kindness with a mask (kids are amazing at this, actually). Finding ways to work collaboratively when you can't touch. I actually thought it was really cool watching my son (in a mask) and his friend (in a mask) build a socially distant set of twin building towers with rocks and sticks the other day. They collaborated and worked together in ways they'd never had to before, and they barely missed a beat.

Is this a substitute for their old life? No. It's not. Is it ideal? I'm going to say no. Is it a lot of work for me, on top of my full-time job and full-time everutjimg right now? Absolutely. And I don't judge anyone for whom it's just too much right now to do a lot of this. we moms are doing our best here. All I'll say, though, is that the work to get these things done is definitely not for nothing. In fact, I think it might--might--even be just enough to largely preserve the social skills they had already been building before so that they aren't super behind, and at the same time, they'll get some new social skills-- about how to socialize under odd and unexpected circumstances. How to adapt. How to make it work. And those skills will be more than social. These kids, I'm willing to be, will actually be pretty strong.

to be clear, I hate the pandemic, I hate it all. All these silver linings do not erase the clouds. I'm not being a pollyanna here. I'm just saying that (1) I don't think it's good for kids to be isolated socially; but (2) I know a lot of parents busting our humps to make sure we do the best by our kids in this regard right now while still following all the guidelines and being very safe; and (3) It actually seems to be decently effective. [/quote]

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