Relationship with an Incarcerated man

[Anonymous]

I know someone in your exact situation op. She reconciled with and got married to him in prison. However it didn’t go well when he got out. He did some shady stuff that got them kicked out of their home, got in fights, cost her her job etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. The posts on this thread are crazy. This isn’t someone who started corresponding with some murderer in jail and now wants to get married like some crazy television show!! This is a woman who’s child’s father is going to prison - a very common situation in our country right now.

I have no experience with this myself, but I think support groups/resources/others who have been there is where I would start. Otherwise, a lot of this depends on the nature of your relationship now, how bad the crime is, and how long he will be incarcerated (these two are not always proportional!)

If your relationship is generally strong, his crime is something not concerning like marijuana possession, and the sentence ends up being less than a year, I could absolutely see trying to make it work through that, especially with a child. However if any one of these three isn’t true, I’d be out. If the relationship was already on again/off again, if the crime was violent in any way, or if the sentence was going to be longer than a year or two, I would call in quits on the relationship part, and instead focus all your attention on what’s best for your child. Likely that will include regular visits, perhaps sending him things like cards? Figuring out how to talk to the child about what’s going on, etc. For all that stuff, definitely talk with professionals and people who have been there.

Best of luck to you.

Huh? Where do you live that this is a, "common situation .. right now?"

I’m the PP. Incarceration rates in the US are insanely high. A quick google search shows that 655 out of every 100,000 people are imprisoned. That’s more than any other country. That’s half a percent of all Americans. With such huge numbers of people incarcerated, it stands to reason that lots of people are in the situation the OP is in, with a significant other going to prison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. The posts on this thread are crazy. This isn’t someone who started corresponding with some murderer in jail and now wants to get married like some crazy television show!! This is a woman who’s child’s father is going to prison - a very common situation in our country right now.

I have no experience with this myself, but I think support groups/resources/others who have been there is where I would start. Otherwise, a lot of this depends on the nature of your relationship now, how bad the crime is, and how long he will be incarcerated (these two are not always proportional!)

If your relationship is generally strong, his crime is something not concerning like marijuana possession, and the sentence ends up being less than a year, I could absolutely see trying to make it work through that, especially with a child. However if any one of these three isn’t true, I’d be out. If the relationship was already on again/off again, if the crime was violent in any way, or if the sentence was going to be longer than a year or two, I would call in quits on the relationship part, and instead focus all your attention on what’s best for your child. Likely that will include regular visits, perhaps sending him things like cards? Figuring out how to talk to the child about what’s going on, etc. For all that stuff, definitely talk with professionals and people who have been there.

Best of luck to you.

Huh? Where do you live that this is a, "common situation .. right now?"

I would bet they live in the United States. We lock up more people for our population than any country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a ex-Correctional Officer at San Quentin I assure you, your making a mistake with 99% of them. No one, and I mean no one goes to prison these days for a single offense unless it’s murder or some other sick crime. And just think of all the crimes these individuals did before actually being caught. The vast majority of these inmates have an extremely long criminal history which has finally resulted in some judge throwing the book at them finally.

Like the other comment said, most of these guys are professional scam artists. They didn’t arrive in prison being one but they quickly learn it simply to survive prison life. Unfortunately, having a relationship with one of these inmates says a lot about your own issues.

This is not at all true.

This is absolutely true and one of the best pieces of advice I've seen on DCUM in a long time. OP, take heed.

People go to jail for drunk driving and selling drugs which is legal if you are.rich and white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. The posts on this thread are crazy. This isn’t someone who started corresponding with some murderer in jail and now wants to get married like some crazy television show!! This is a woman who’s child’s father is going to prison - a very common situation in our country right now.

I have no experience with this myself, but I think support groups/resources/others who have been there is where I would start. Otherwise, a lot of this depends on the nature of your relationship now, how bad the crime is, and how long he will be incarcerated (these two are not always proportional!)

If your relationship is generally strong, his crime is something not concerning like marijuana possession, and the sentence ends up being less than a year, I could absolutely see trying to make it work through that, especially with a child. However if any one of these three isn’t true, I’d be out. If the relationship was already on again/off again, if the crime was violent in any way, or if the sentence was going to be longer than a year or two, I would call in quits on the relationship part, and instead focus all your attention on what’s best for your child. Likely that will include regular visits, perhaps sending him things like cards? Figuring out how to talk to the child about what’s going on, etc. For all that stuff, definitely talk with professionals and people who have been there.

Best of luck to you.

Huh? Where do you live that this is a, "common situation .. right now?"

I would bet they live in the United States. We lock up more people for our population than any country.

We need to lock up more if them these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a ex-Correctional Officer at San Quentin I assure you, your making a mistake with 99% of them. No one, and I mean no one goes to prison these days for a single offense unless it’s murder or some other sick crime. And just think of all the crimes these individuals did before actually being caught. The vast majority of these inmates have an extremely long criminal history which has finally resulted in some judge throwing the book at them finally.

Like the other comment said, most of these guys are professional scam artists. They didn’t arrive in prison being one but they quickly learn it simply to survive prison life. Unfortunately, having a relationship with one of these inmates says a lot about your own issues.

This is not at all true.

And exactly which part? You obviously have no real life experience with the criminal justice system. Unfortunately our media and liberal politicians have taken these loser criminals and made them appear to be upstanding citizens. The vast majority of criminals we see arrested on the nightly news all have a long criminal records but unfortunately got released by our liberal society only to break the law again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a FWB married woman. Her husband was locked up for rape. Sometimes she would take a call from him when she was with me. It was great because, of all the APs I had, I knew for sure that this one wasn't going to get caught.

The advantage of having a relationship with a prisoner is, you always know where he is and hell never know what you are doing.

I’m assuming you’re being facetious, but I can tell you this is not true. My stepdaughter was involved with an incarcerated accused murderer who is in a gang, and he had her under frequent surveillance by gang members who were on the outside. She could still get caught and still be punished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. The posts on this thread are crazy. This isn’t someone who started corresponding with some murderer in jail and now wants to get married like some crazy television show!! This is a woman who’s child’s father is going to prison - a very common situation in our country right now.

I have no experience with this myself, but I think support groups/resources/others who have been there is where I would start. Otherwise, a lot of this depends on the nature of your relationship now, how bad the crime is, and how long he will be incarcerated (these two are not always proportional!)

If your relationship is generally strong, his crime is something not concerning like marijuana possession, and the sentence ends up being less than a year, I could absolutely see trying to make it work through that, especially with a child. However if any one of these three isn’t true, I’d be out. If the relationship was already on again/off again, if the crime was violent in any way, or if the sentence was going to be longer than a year or two, I would call in quits on the relationship part, and instead focus all your attention on what’s best for your child. Likely that will include regular visits, perhaps sending him things like cards? Figuring out how to talk to the child about what’s going on, etc. For all that stuff, definitely talk with professionals and people who have been there.

Best of luck to you.

Huh? Where do you live that this is a, "common situation .. right now?"

I would bet they live in the United States. We lock up more people for our population than any country.

We need to lock up more if them these days.

All white supremacists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a ex-Correctional Officer at San Quentin I assure you, your making a mistake with 99% of them. No one, and I mean no one goes to prison these days for a single offense unless it’s murder or some other sick crime. And just think of all the crimes these individuals did before actually being caught. The vast majority of these inmates have an extremely long criminal history which has finally resulted in some judge throwing the book at them finally.

Like the other comment said, most of these guys are professional scam artists. They didn’t arrive in prison being one but they quickly learn it simply to survive prison life. Unfortunately, having a relationship with one of these inmates says a lot about your own issues.

This is not at all true.

And exactly which part? You obviously have no real life experience with the criminal justice system. Unfortunately our media and liberal politicians have taken these loser criminals and made them appear to be upstanding citizens. The vast majority of criminals we see arrested on the nightly news all have a long criminal records but unfortunately got released by our liberal society only to break the law again.

Actually most have learning disabilities and mental illness.

If we handled those properly when they were children, they would not be in jail.

If we had mental health facilities, they could go there for treatment instead of jail.

and... yes, I have a lot of experience with the criminal justice system and I know for a fact that a corrections officer is the lowest on the totem pole when it comes to education and understanding the criminal justice system.

[Anonymous]

So many great reality shows have been made from this...please watch a few seasons of "Love after Lockup" and get back to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a FWB married woman. Her husband was locked up for rape. Sometimes she would take a call from him when she was with me. It was great because, of all the APs I had, I knew for sure that this one wasn't going to get caught.

The advantage of having a relationship with a prisoner is, you always know where he is and hell never know what you are doing.

I’m assuming you’re being facetious, but I can tell you this is not true. My stepdaughter was involved with an incarcerated accused murderer who is in a gang, and he had her under frequent surveillance by gang members who were on the outside. She could still get caught and still be punished.

That sounds like some TV crime drama right there. Trust me, this loser didn't have any gang watching her and she spread it around pretty well. I should look her up and see if he's out yet.