Relationship with an Incarcerated man

[Anonymous]

The reason to call it quits is that dude is a criminal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The posts on this thread are terrible.

OP, is this someone with whom you already have a relationship? How strong is your bond? Is this person facing a long sentence?

Lots of couples make it through this, but it isn’t easy. There will be long times without even phone calls, and visits are logistically challenging. Every facility has its own rules so make sure you understand them thoroughly and follow them to a t.

He’s actually the father of my child. But it’s a day to day struggle and stressful. He hasn’t been sentenced yet and has no idea how much time he will have to do. The financial strain makes it even more complicated. It’s a lot

I'd cut my losses. Father of your child is just that. If your kids old enough to ask for visits, I may allow that, but if the kid is young I'd bounce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The posts on this thread are terrible.

OP, is this someone with whom you already have a relationship? How strong is your bond? Is this person facing a long sentence?

Lots of couples make it through this, but it isn’t easy. There will be long times without even phone calls, and visits are logistically challenging. Every facility has its own rules so make sure you understand them thoroughly and follow them to a t.

He’s actually the father of my child. But it’s a day to day struggle and stressful. He hasn’t been sentenced yet and has no idea how much time he will have to do. The financial strain makes it even more complicated. It’s a lot

So he is guilty? I mean what's the upside to this for you and your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please be careful. My friend dated a man just out of prison, and he turned out to be a sweet talking con artist and an abuser. It did not end well.

Thank you I have heard this before. It definitely makes me worried

[Anonymous]

In my experience, men who are/were in prison are definitely broken + angry people.
Especially those that have done hard time.

Prison usually punishes - does not rehabilitate so the people come out of there changed (not in a good way!) with a large amount of anger.
They will have a tough road ahead in life, finding a decent job or even a suitable place to live.

You are much better off not being w/someone who will have many life challenges.

[Anonymous]

I think it would depend on what crime he committed, and how much time he's going to get. Also, something to consider is how it will impact his/your life when he gets out. Will he be able to get a stable job of equal to what he earned prior to incarceration, or will he end up being a huge burden.

[Anonymous]

So much for love conquers all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much for love conquers all.

Because it doesn't. This kind of empty platitude is said by a. abusers and b. the stupid. Bleating empty platitudes like this, in a conversation like this, allows you to chime in without any serious thought or logical consideration. Use your brain.

[Anonymous]

High STD risk since they are engaging in unprotected gay sex (often involuntarily) while locked up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've known two men who did federal time who own successful businesses. One owns an Ace Hardware chain of 5 stores and the other owns two print shops.


They are the exception.

Doesn't seem like an exception to me.

+1. Tax evasion? I have a problem with that.

Both selling large amounts of drugs prior to being arrested and their incarceration. They did not become successful businessmen until after release but it was a very long haul. In both cases they worked hourly jobs at low wage for privately owned companies (the hardware store and print shop). When the prior owners decided to retire they were able to strike a buy out deal over many years of payments with the original owners. Both said jobs are very very difficult to get as an ex con and the only guys that would hire them were independent businessmen.

[Anonymous]

OP, people aren't helping you much, are they?

Obviously, you need to take a hard look at who this person is, what he was prosecuted for, what his history is, how he is looking at his future, how long his sentence is expected to be, and so on. I know people who did time, mostly for drug offenses, who afterwards became hardworking, upstanding people.

It is definitely the case that imprisoned people who are able to maintain family ties in prison do better on release than those whose don't, and he has a child. At minimum, you're going to have to deal with raising a child whose father is in prison and consider to what extent you're willing to allow for a relationship. (If there are barriers beyond the significant barriers caused by the incarceration itself, that raises the odds the father will see his rights terminated at some point.

Look into programs that provide services for kids with parents in prison, just because they can give you some perspective and information that can help you understand what you'll be dealing with.

[Anonymous]

I’d get therapy and discover why my self esteem is so low, for even considering making things work with a loser in jail!

[Anonymous]

Live your life.
Fill it with all the drama you can.

[Anonymous]

Darling, you're posting on a site in the DMV not Alabama. I think this OP has taken a wrong turn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, people aren't helping you much, are they?

Obviously, you need to take a hard look at who this person is, what he was prosecuted for, what his history is, how he is looking at his future, how long his sentence is expected to be, and so on. I know people who did time, mostly for drug offenses, who afterwards became hardworking, upstanding people.

It is definitely the case that imprisoned people who are able to maintain family ties in prison do better on release than those whose don't, and he has a child. At minimum, you're going to have to deal with raising a child whose father is in prison and consider to what extent you're willing to allow for a relationship. (If there are barriers beyond the significant barriers caused by the incarceration itself, that raises the odds the father will see his rights terminated at some point.

Look into programs that provide services for kids with parents in prison, just because they can give you some perspective and information that can help you understand what you'll be dealing with.

I definitely know what I’m getting myself into when I post here lol! I will definitely start looking into the programs that have experience with incarcerated fathers. Huge help!! Thanks so much