What is a reasonable budget to give nanny for incidentals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP that sounds like a reasonable amount for the number of kids and their ages. I have 3 and would not find that too much as long as I don’t see fast food or toys on the statement. I don’t mind the odd ice cream treat though. I do allow my nanny to buy food for herself when she’s out with my kids though and I expect her to eat what I would eat -a sandwich or salad or what not: Just tell her what you do it want to spend money on but that amount does not seem too much.
My nanny is good at finding free and cheap activities but I would not want her to balk taking them somewhere educational, glen echo to see a play, indoor activities in the wet/snow just like I would.

OP here. And it actually is kind of unreasonable. The kids are 1 & 3, and they nap in the afternoon. I am home by 3pm. The 3 year old has little classes two days a week, and we have memberships to several places that she uses the other days.

I am going to do as a pp suggested and give a debit card with $100/month for incidentals. If she wants to take the kids to a play or on a more expensive outing, she can let me know, and I will put money on the card for that outing.

I really don’t feel comfortable telling anyone what they can and can’t spend money on as several people suggested. Sometimes you really just need a cup of coffee or the kids are misbehaving and you just herd everyone out the door without packing lunch. I get that. But $100/wk on this stuff is too much.

That’s fine if the overall package you’re offering is competitive. But nannies talk, and she’ll know if other nannies are getting paid the same (or more) than she is *and* are getting a bigger discretionary budget. If you want a nanny to stay with you for the long-term, it needs to be worth their while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on where you live, consider getting her and the kids a membership to the pool/museum/nature center, so you've paid for that upfront and it can be a good default option that doesn't cost ongoing money.

OP here. We do have those things. The issue is really not admissions. As a pp said, that’s a very small part of it. And of course I pay for any classes the kids take. That just goes directly on my card.

It’s more that if they go to the playground, she stops at Starbucks along the way and gets something for herself and the kids. And now something that should be free costs $15. Someone above mentioned that getting a snack for five people costs $20-25. And that’s true. So we really don’t buy snacks for the kids when we go out. We pack something. Same with lunches.
I don’t want to tell someone NEVER to get a coffee or go out to lunch. I am not asking anyone to “live a spartan lifestyle.” I just don’t want to spend $5k/year on these things. I would rather say $1200 for those things, $800 for additional classes and passes and a $3k bonus at the end of the year.

So, tell her Starbucks No more than X times per month, lunch out no more than y times per month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on where you live, consider getting her and the kids a membership to the pool/museum/nature center, so you've paid for that upfront and it can be a good default option that doesn't cost ongoing money.

OP here. We do have those things. The issue is really not admissions. As a pp said, that’s a very small part of it. And of course I pay for any classes the kids take. That just goes directly on my card.

It’s more that if they go to the playground, she stops at Starbucks along the way and gets something for herself and the kids. And now something that should be free costs $15. Someone above mentioned that getting a snack for five people costs $20-25. And that’s true. So we really don’t buy snacks for the kids when we go out. We pack something. Same with lunches.
I don’t want to tell someone NEVER to get a coffee or go out to lunch. I am not asking anyone to “live a spartan lifestyle.” I just don’t want to spend $5k/year on these things. I would rather say $1200 for those things, $800 for additional classes and passes and a $3k bonus at the end of the year.

Having four kids adds up. If you are cheap and want only free places to go and not stopping in anywhere along the way ever, you might find yourself churning through nannies.

Not if they hire the right nanny. With memberships to a pool, access to so many free museums, tons of great parks and playgrounds, numerous splash pads, hundreds of miles of hiking and biking trails, over a dozen nature centers, The zoo, the botanical gardens, and so many other things, Nobody needs to spend on much except transportation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, let's focus on the school year, where you state that your nanny only cares for the 1 & 3 year old. They simply don't need spending money. If nanny wants to take them to a paid activity, she can ask specifically about that activity, and you can give the money. That's what I did when I was a nanny. There's no need for Starbucks, etc. She should be doing things like packing lunches before heading out to playgrounds and whatnot for the day.

If you are ok with the type of nanny who would accept this sort of arrangement, go for it. But most nannies I know wouldn’t accept this sort of micromanaging and constraints. Either respect our judgment and give us the freedom to act or you might as well go daycare.

Most professional nannies are teaching their charges about nutrition.

~nanny who makes food healthier than parents do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP that sounds like a reasonable amount for the number of kids and their ages. I have 3 and would not find that too much as long as I don’t see fast food or toys on the statement. I don’t mind the odd ice cream treat though. I do allow my nanny to buy food for herself when she’s out with my kids though and I expect her to eat what I would eat -a sandwich or salad or what not: Just tell her what you do it want to spend money on but that amount does not seem too much.
My nanny is good at finding free and cheap activities but I would not want her to balk taking them somewhere educational, glen echo to see a play, indoor activities in the wet/snow just like I would.

OP here. And it actually is kind of unreasonable. The kids are 1 & 3, and they nap in the afternoon. I am home by 3pm. The 3 year old has little classes two days a week, and we have memberships to several places that she uses the other days.

I am going to do as a pp suggested and give a debit card with $100/month for incidentals. If she wants to take the kids to a play or on a more expensive outing, she can let me know, and I will put money on the card for that outing.

I really don’t feel comfortable telling anyone what they can and can’t spend money on as several people suggested. Sometimes you really just need a cup of coffee or the kids are misbehaving and you just herd everyone out the door without packing lunch. I get that. But $100/wk on this stuff is too much.

That’s fine if the overall package you’re offering is competitive. But nannies talk, and she’ll know if other nannies are getting paid the same (or more) than she is *and* are getting a bigger discretionary budget. If you want a nanny to stay with you for the long-term, it needs to be worth their while.

Most professionals buy their own coffee and don't charge it to employers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, let's focus on the school year, where you state that your nanny only cares for the 1 & 3 year old. They simply don't need spending money. If nanny wants to take them to a paid activity, she can ask specifically about that activity, and you can give the money. That's what I did when I was a nanny. There's no need for Starbucks, etc. She should be doing things like packing lunches before heading out to playgrounds and whatnot for the day.

If you are ok with the type of nanny who would accept this sort of arrangement, go for it. But most nannies I know wouldn’t accept this sort of micromanaging and constraints. Either respect our judgment and give us the freedom to act or you might as well go daycare.

The nanny is spending OP money on herself and claiming its a treat for the kids. Starbucks is not a treat for a 1 and 3 year old and she should pack food except if they were out at some distance like a museum. Older kids, yes but even so Starbucks is not a great choice for them, just her. Parents should always know where their children are at all times. These are their kids. If nanny wants to spend her money at Starbucks on her time that's fine. When she is with the kids, spending OP money she should be held accountable. Any job that you are given money has accountability.

Why would someone accept this work environment? To be nickel and dimed and second guessed as to who ordered what and why we went to this place or that is no way to treat a professional.

Why professional buys coffee and lunch for themselves on their employers dime except when traveling for business? A professional pays for their own coffee and lunch. You are not a professional if you expect your employer to pay for those things. You are their employee, not child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, let's focus on the school year, where you state that your nanny only cares for the 1 & 3 year old. They simply don't need spending money. If nanny wants to take them to a paid activity, she can ask specifically about that activity, and you can give the money. That's what I did when I was a nanny. There's no need for Starbucks, etc. She should be doing things like packing lunches before heading out to playgrounds and whatnot for the day.

If you are ok with the type of nanny who would accept this sort of arrangement, go for it. But most nannies I know wouldn’t accept this sort of micromanaging and constraints. Either respect our judgment and give us the freedom to act or you might as well go daycare.

The nanny is spending OP money on herself and claiming its a treat for the kids. Starbucks is not a treat for a 1 and 3 year old and she should pack food except if they were out at some distance like a museum. Older kids, yes but even so Starbucks is not a great choice for them, just her. Parents should always know where their children are at all times. These are their kids. If nanny wants to spend her money at Starbucks on her time that's fine. When she is with the kids, spending OP money she should be held accountable. Any job that you are given money has accountability.

Why would someone accept this work environment? To be nickel and dimed and second guessed as to who ordered what and why we went to this place or that is no way to treat a professional.

You clearly have no idea how most professionals are at work. You pay and submit an expense report. Or, you get a credit card but you pay and company reimburses you approved charges. Each charge has to be approved.

Most employers have a budget. OP is probably providing food for nanny and kids at home. Most employers don't provide food or lunch. OP should not have to pay starbucks or the panera poster pay $45 for a few kids and an adult - absurd.

It depends on the nature of the organization and where the person is in the pecking order. If it is some nondescript business and/or the person is just a random, easily replaceable cog in the wheel, then sure every minor expense must be approved and scrutinized. But if you are viewed as an important person in an elite institution, you should be given the discretion to operate (of course not completely with limits) as you see fit to move the organization forward in the right direction.

A proper nanny should be viewed as an instrumental part of the family and the children’s upbringing and parents should view themselves and their families as important enough “organizations” to provide and bring out the best for people who make the organization prosper.

I can’t afford a Starbucks coffee every day, my job doesn’t pay for coffee, and I wouldn’t pay for my nanny to stop at Starbucks every day. It’s ridiculous that the nanny is doing this when the op doesn’t want her to. The nanny can buy her own coffee if she wants it.

Not everyone wants or can afford a certain type of nanny. There are people on this board who think they can get a professional nanny for $20/hour and then expect her to do housework while the kids are asleep or at preschool like she is the maid. Other people will defer to the nanny about taking kids to Starbucks on the way back to the park and aren’t going to sweat the nanny getting herself a coffee while there.

Obviously if the nanny get a a coffee on the way to work, that would be her expense, but to worry about what she gets while out with the kids is just gauche and petty.

$20 an hour is a decent salary for a child care worker. Its not unreasonable to help with housework if nanny is using the house. Do you realize how much a coffee and lunch a day costs. Professionals are responsible with company money and don't do what they want or buy themselves things without accountability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4. We have a debit account we keep about $100 in, card in nanny's name. During the school year it is rarely used. (Maybe topping off the tank on the van, a quick treat on the weekend, grab some milk and bread) Summer is a little more, perhaps $100 a month. But we have memberships to local parks and pool. If she wants to do something like the zoo or museum, she lets me know in advance and I put more $ in. She always leaves a receipt.

I don't spend $400 a month entertaining my kids. Neither should she.

That sounds like a great system! Thank you![/quote

Welcome.

It's worked for 2 years now.

You won't lose a nanny because you aren't willing to shell out for nonsense.

I'm mind blown that your current nanny thinks it's ok to rack up that much $. $500 limit does not mean, "Please spend with abdandon"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, let's focus on the school year, where you state that your nanny only cares for the 1 & 3 year old. They simply don't need spending money. If nanny wants to take them to a paid activity, she can ask specifically about that activity, and you can give the money. That's what I did when I was a nanny. There's no need for Starbucks, etc. She should be doing things like packing lunches before heading out to playgrounds and whatnot for the day.

If you are ok with the type of nanny who would accept this sort of arrangement, go for it. But most nannies I know wouldn’t accept this sort of micromanaging and constraints. Either respect our judgment and give us the freedom to act or you might as well go daycare.

The nanny is spending OP money on herself and claiming its a treat for the kids. Starbucks is not a treat for a 1 and 3 year old and she should pack food except if they were out at some distance like a museum. Older kids, yes but even so Starbucks is not a great choice for them, just her. Parents should always know where their children are at all times. These are their kids. If nanny wants to spend her money at Starbucks on her time that's fine. When she is with the kids, spending OP money she should be held accountable. Any job that you are given money has accountability.

Why would someone accept this work environment? To be nickel and dimed and second guessed as to who ordered what and why we went to this place or that is no way to treat a professional.

You clearly have no idea how most professionals are at work. You pay and submit an expense report. Or, you get a credit card but you pay and company reimburses you approved charges. Each charge has to be approved.

Most employers have a budget. OP is probably providing food for nanny and kids at home. Most employers don't provide food or lunch. OP should not have to pay starbucks or the panera poster pay $45 for a few kids and an adult - absurd.

It depends on the nature of the organization and where the person is in the pecking order. If it is some nondescript business and/or the person is just a random, easily replaceable cog in the wheel, then sure every minor expense must be approved and scrutinized. But if you are viewed as an important person in an elite institution, you should be given the discretion to operate (of course not completely with limits) as you see fit to move the organization forward in the right direction.

A proper nanny should be viewed as an instrumental part of the family and the children’s upbringing and parents should view themselves and their families as important enough “organizations” to provide and bring out the best for people who make the organization prosper.

I can’t afford a Starbucks coffee every day, my job doesn’t pay for coffee, and I wouldn’t pay for my nanny to stop at Starbucks every day. It’s ridiculous that the nanny is doing this when the op doesn’t want her to. The nanny can buy her own coffee if she wants it.

Not everyone wants or can afford a certain type of nanny. There are people on this board who think they can get a professional nanny for $20/hour and then expect her to do housework while the kids are asleep or at preschool like she is the maid. Other people will defer to the nanny about taking kids to Starbucks on the way back to the park and aren’t going to sweat the nanny getting herself a coffee while there.

Obviously if the nanny get a a coffee on the way to work, that would be her expense, but to worry about what she gets while out with the kids is just gauche and petty.

$20 an hour is a decent salary for a child care worker. Its not unreasonable to help with housework if nanny is using the house. Do you realize how much a coffee and lunch a day costs. Professionals are responsible with company money and don't do what they want or buy themselves things without accountability.

$20/hr is decent bc that’s all you want to pay. And it’s all you value for someone to raise your child and keep them safe. The nanny isn’t using and contributing to your house. She is working there. Just like you go to an office and work there. Are you expected to clean your office building? A nanny should clean what they use and never leave the house worse than they found it. If you expect your nanny to clean your house and take care of your kids for $20/hr then you absolutely should be more generous with the Starbucks and lunches. She being underpaid. It’s the least you could do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, let's focus on the school year, where you state that your nanny only cares for the 1 & 3 year old. They simply don't need spending money. If nanny wants to take them to a paid activity, she can ask specifically about that activity, and you can give the money. That's what I did when I was a nanny. There's no need for Starbucks, etc. She should be doing things like packing lunches before heading out to playgrounds and whatnot for the day.

If you are ok with the type of nanny who would accept this sort of arrangement, go for it. But most nannies I know wouldn’t accept this sort of micromanaging and constraints. Either respect our judgment and give us the freedom to act or you might as well go daycare.

The nanny is spending OP money on herself and claiming its a treat for the kids. Starbucks is not a treat for a 1 and 3 year old and she should pack food except if they were out at some distance like a museum. Older kids, yes but even so Starbucks is not a great choice for them, just her. Parents should always know where their children are at all times. These are their kids. If nanny wants to spend her money at Starbucks on her time that's fine. When she is with the kids, spending OP money she should be held accountable. Any job that you are given money has accountability.

Why would someone accept this work environment? To be nickel and dimed and second guessed as to who ordered what and why we went to this place or that is no way to treat a professional.

Why professional buys coffee and lunch for themselves on their employers dime except when traveling for business? A professional pays for their own coffee and lunch. You are not a professional if you expect your employer to pay for those things. You are their employee, not child.

If I get coffee or lunch in a work context (e.g., meeting a client or interviewee), my employer reimbursed me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, let's focus on the school year, where you state that your nanny only cares for the 1 & 3 year old. They simply don't need spending money. If nanny wants to take them to a paid activity, she can ask specifically about that activity, and you can give the money. That's what I did when I was a nanny. There's no need for Starbucks, etc. She should be doing things like packing lunches before heading out to playgrounds and whatnot for the day.

If you are ok with the type of nanny who would accept this sort of arrangement, go for it. But most nannies I know wouldn’t accept this sort of micromanaging and constraints. Either respect our judgment and give us the freedom to act or you might as well go daycare.

The nanny is spending OP money on herself and claiming its a treat for the kids. Starbucks is not a treat for a 1 and 3 year old and she should pack food except if they were out at some distance like a museum. Older kids, yes but even so Starbucks is not a great choice for them, just her. Parents should always know where their children are at all times. These are their kids. If nanny wants to spend her money at Starbucks on her time that's fine. When she is with the kids, spending OP money she should be held accountable. Any job that you are given money has accountability.

Why would someone accept this work environment? To be nickel and dimed and second guessed as to who ordered what and why we went to this place or that is no way to treat a professional.

Why professional buys coffee and lunch for themselves on their employers dime except when traveling for business? A professional pays for their own coffee and lunch. You are not a professional if you expect your employer to pay for those things. You are their employee, not child.

If I get coffee or lunch in a work context (e.g., meeting a client or interviewee), my employer reimbursed me.

Okay, but if you were carrying out your normal daily duties, but felt like eating out instead of packing something, did your employer reimburse you for that? I highly doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have four kids. Older two are in elementary school, and our nanny has the 1 & 3 year old during the day. We will provide food for everyone, a car with gas in it, etc.
Our first nanny was with us for six years, and she rarely did anything with the kids that cost money, so it wasn’t an issue. When we moved, we hired a new nanny who was excited to take the kids a lot of different places. We gave her a credit card in her name with a $500 limit on it, and she ended up spending $300-400/month on getting the kids lunch, little trips to the coffee shop, admission to this place or that, little toys, etc. We knew that time was limited with her going into it, and we liked her otherwise, so we let it go to keep the peace.
We are now in the process of hiring another nanny. I hope we can find someone who will stay with us for the next four years at least. I want to address this upfront and never make it into a thing. What do you think is a reasonable amount for these little incidentals? Does $50/month seem reasonable? $100?
She will be with the kids 5 days/week from 6:30am-3pm.

I'm still blown that you think 1- and 3-year olds need trips to Starbucks. Honestly at that age kids don't need that much entertainment except the park. So many places in the DMV area are free that I don't think you need a solid "incidentals" budget. I mean what does a regular day looks like for a 1- and 3-year old? Get up at 7 or 8, have breakfast, get out of the house and be back by lunch and nap. If you need snacks to last you till lunch at home, you should be packing these.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to conceptualize what it is you want the nanny to be doing with your kids, and then work the number off that. For example, I don't want lunch out to be an activity for my kids except in special circumstances. But I want my nanny to take my children to a museum 1x week and pack snacks/water. I want them to go to a playground or library or as their regular activity most days, and I'll pay for ice cream or a snack 1x/week.. I want them to have enough money to ride buses or metro if they choose and go to a paid play place if the weather is bad. It's not the amount, it's being clear about the job expectations. Otherwise the nanny will think you want her to spend money and will find ways to do so that don't really achieve anything.

You must live in DC. For us, a museum trip is an all day event.

Depending on the location in DC, a museum trip can take a good chunk of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on where you live, consider getting her and the kids a membership to the pool/museum/nature center, so you've paid for that upfront and it can be a good default option that doesn't cost ongoing money.

OP here. We do have those things. The issue is really not admissions. As a pp said, that’s a very small part of it. And of course I pay for any classes the kids take. That just goes directly on my card.

It’s more that if they go to the playground, she stops at Starbucks along the way and gets something for herself and the kids. And now something that should be free costs $15. Someone above mentioned that getting a snack for five people costs $20-25. And that’s true. So we really don’t buy snacks for the kids when we go out. We pack something. Same with lunches.
I don’t want to tell someone NEVER to get a coffee or go out to lunch. I am not asking anyone to “live a spartan lifestyle.” I just don’t want to spend $5k/year on these things. I would rather say $1200 for those things, $800 for additional classes and passes and a $3k bonus at the end of the year.

In this case, I think it is fair to say that this is a treat rather than a regular activity. Kids don't need trips to Starbucks on the way to the playground. If she wants to get a coffee for herself as a pick-me-up, I think that's on her. Playground trips are routine enough that they shouldn't need a boost to make it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nanny takes my 3 kids out to lunch (usually Panera) once a week and thats like 45 bucks. That alone is 2340.00 a year. I don't know if you're really being realistic to be honest.

What's she buying? When we go to Panera, we split a select two and get water.

My 2 younger ones get a kid Mac and cheese and an apple and chips. Juice box comes with it I think. My oldest one gets a pick two. The nanny usually gets a full salad. They sometimes get one smoothie and 4 small cups. Other times they add 2 cookies to share. I don't believe the majority of people who employee a full time nanny go to Panera and share ONE meal and get water. Maybe they want their NANNY to do that but I doubt thats how they act.

This is really the core issue. People like OP want their nanny to do as them without any resources. I think people really are skimming the top of their budget with the nanny salary alone so they really skimp on the things that actually make it a positive working environment and fun experience for your child/children. The people who I know that have long time nannies let their nanny assimilate into their standard of life when on the clock.

But do you think it's anyone's standard of life to go to Starbucks every time on the way to the playground? For a 1- and 3-year old?