Going away w/ DH when no family to help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have always taken our kids with us on vacation.

Same here. My oldest is a teen, and I don’t regret taking him along each and every time. They grow up so fast and then they leave.

No, they don't. It takes 18 years. It's sad you couldn't have a few days away in that time. That's a chink of your life gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go to an all inclusive that has kids camps. Although your youngest is too young- 2 was when we started going. The camps were so amazing my oldest begged for them. Cruises too have amazing camps.

This. Or you don’t go til the kids are older. That’s life. Although you may feel everyone around you is privileged with tons of childcare, that is not reality.

My oldest is 15.5yo. He was born 13 months after we got married. Our honeymoon is the last time we had a getaway without kids. It's called life, people. I wish my own circumstances were different, but honestly I'm grateful to have a healthy family and a good job.

Such BS.

OP, we used a sitter for the weekend. Left Friday morning, sitter picked up from school Friday, then we were home Sunday 2 ish.

Once kids hit late elementary, there were church lock ins, weekend camps and sleepover swaps with other parents. Occasionally Grandma's house, too.

Why is this BS? My parents are dead, my husband's family is on the other side of the country and his elderly, non-driving parents aren't up to 24/7 childcare. And btw WTF is a "church lock in"?? Not a typical part of life in Bethesda.

[Anonymous]

If you’re in a position to afford that level of vacation, you can afford to hire child care help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have not been away together in almost 5 years because we have no one to watch our kids. Kids are 4.5 and 1. Neither of our families live close and would not be able to do it regardless (age, health issues, etc). We have an amazing nanny but she can’t stay over nights or weekends because she has kids of her own she needs to care for. I have a couple Saturday night babysitters but don’t think I would trust them to watch the baby for a whole weekend and juggle two kids.

Is anyone else in this situation where you don’t have anyone to watch your kids? Do you somehow manage to still get away? Do you just hire a random sitter your kids don’t know well and hope for the best? My kids are slow to warm with new people so I would just feel so awful leaving them with someone they don’t know well.

Next year is our 10 year wedding anniversary and I really, really want a night away, but doesn’t look like it’s in the cards. And of course most of our friends have family help and are planning amazing trips for their anniversaries.

DH and I went 16 years with three one nighters (through overnights with friends)- I think our oldest was 10 when we had our first one. It isn’t the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read through the whole thread but my husband and I don’t have anyone to watch our kids either- last year we discovered Franklyn D Resort in Jamaica and seriously our lives are changed. Each room comes with a nanny and you can get two if it makes you more comfortable. They work 8 hours a day and are available for night babysitting too. Honestly I have not spent so much time with DH since our daughter was born three years ago. We went last May for a week, and we are returning in February for another week. We are going back with three other families we met there the first time.
It’s not a super glitzy glamorous resort but it is very authentic Jamaican and awesome. You see the owner every day. One of our nannies had worked there for 19 years and the other one for 23.
I realize that sounded like a commercial- haha! But seriously that place was the best. FYI when we went in May our kids were 9 months and 2.5.

NO WAY would I leave my non verbal child with a stranger in a foreign country. There is little regulatory oversight in a country like Jamaica and little recourse if something goes wrong. That is crazy.

Haha, crazy? You sound a little crazy. Have you EVER left a non verbal child with a babysitter? Do you work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read through the whole thread but my husband and I don’t have anyone to watch our kids either- last year we discovered Franklyn D Resort in Jamaica and seriously our lives are changed. Each room comes with a nanny and you can get two if it makes you more comfortable. They work 8 hours a day and are available for night babysitting too. Honestly I have not spent so much time with DH since our daughter was born three years ago. We went last May for a week, and we are returning in February for another week. We are going back with three other families we met there the first time.
It’s not a super glitzy glamorous resort but it is very authentic Jamaican and awesome. You see the owner every day. One of our nannies had worked there for 19 years and the other one for 23.
I realize that sounded like a commercial- haha! But seriously that place was the best. FYI when we went in May our kids were 9 months and 2.5.

NO WAY would I leave my non verbal child with a stranger in a foreign country. There is little regulatory oversight in a country like Jamaica and little recourse if something goes wrong. That is crazy.

Haha, crazy? You sound a little crazy. Have you EVER left a non verbal child with a babysitter? Do you work?

You need to work on your reading comprehension. The full statement was non verbal kid with a stranger IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY. A country that has little regulation and oversight of anything, let alone childcare workers. My children were left with caregivers who were licensed and qualified in a country with strong oversight and enforcement, at a facility that has regulations of their own and insurance. Some of y'all will leave your kids with anyone.

[Anonymous]

Some of you people with the “a nanny is not a servant who can be passed around!” are so dumb/ridiculous. No one is suggesting to force a nanny to do something, but to offer enough money as incentive.

OP, I would suggest hiring a “random” babysitter to watch your kids overnight at a close friend’s house (ideally someone who has similar aged kids - and space). That way there will be supervision. If you had just one kid I would say no babysitter is needed, but with two it’s better to have another adult to help with the diaper changes, feeding, etc. If you don’t have a friend sufficiently close enough to ask this favor then suck it up and wait for sleep away camp years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have not been away together in almost 5 years because we have no one to watch our kids. Kids are 4.5 and 1. Neither of our families live close and would not be able to do it regardless (age, health issues, etc). We have an amazing nanny but she can’t stay over nights or weekends because she has kids of her own she needs to care for. I have a couple Saturday night babysitters but don’t think I would trust them to watch the baby for a whole weekend and juggle two kids.

Is anyone else in this situation where you don’t have anyone to watch your kids? Do you somehow manage to still get away? Do you just hire a random sitter your kids don’t know well and hope for the best? My kids are slow to warm with new people so I would just feel so awful leaving them with someone they don’t know well.

Next year is our 10 year wedding anniversary and I really, really want a night away, but doesn’t look like it’s in the cards. And of course most of our friends have family help and are planning amazing trips for their anniversaries.

What did you really think was going to happen when you became a parent? I have no patience for people who are "woe is me" about these kinds of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read through the whole thread but my husband and I don’t have anyone to watch our kids either- last year we discovered Franklyn D Resort in Jamaica and seriously our lives are changed. Each room comes with a nanny and you can get two if it makes you more comfortable. They work 8 hours a day and are available for night babysitting too. Honestly I have not spent so much time with DH since our daughter was born three years ago. We went last May for a week, and we are returning in February for another week. We are going back with three other families we met there the first time.
It’s not a super glitzy glamorous resort but it is very authentic Jamaican and awesome. You see the owner every day. One of our nannies had worked there for 19 years and the other one for 23.
I realize that sounded like a commercial- haha! But seriously that place was the best. FYI when we went in May our kids were 9 months and 2.5.

NO WAY would I leave my non verbal child with a stranger in a foreign country. There is little regulatory oversight in a country like Jamaica and little recourse if something goes wrong. That is crazy.

Haha, crazy? You sound a little crazy. Have you EVER left a non verbal child with a babysitter? Do you work?

Not that poster but my child had SN and didn't start talking till 5 and wasn't talking well enough till about 8. I absolutely did not leave them with a babysitter and I had to quit my job because of all the therapy appointments. You have no concept of that kind of life. While you were at playdates or the playground, we were at a therapy appointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have not been away together in almost 5 years because we have no one to watch our kids. Kids are 4.5 and 1. Neither of our families live close and would not be able to do it regardless (age, health issues, etc). We have an amazing nanny but she can’t stay over nights or weekends because she has kids of her own she needs to care for. I have a couple Saturday night babysitters but don’t think I would trust them to watch the baby for a whole weekend and juggle two kids.

Is anyone else in this situation where you don’t have anyone to watch your kids? Do you somehow manage to still get away? Do you just hire a random sitter your kids don’t know well and hope for the best? My kids are slow to warm with new people so I would just feel so awful leaving them with someone they don’t know well.

Next year is our 10 year wedding anniversary and I really, really want a night away, but doesn’t look like it’s in the cards. And of course most of our friends have family help and are planning amazing trips for their anniversaries.

Can you bring a family member in to help and hire the nanny to for some parts of the day ,especially to do the heavy lifting (e.g. baths, playground trips, etc)

[Anonymous]

When our children were very young I don’t recall us ever getting away on our own. It wasn’t until they were around 9,7 and 5 when we had a nanny who they loved and we trusted who was willing to spend a long weekend. Otherwise where we went they came along. I’m sure we would like to have gone away for a romantic weekend but we always found time for ourselves even at home. Unless you have 100% confidence in the sitter it’s not worth going away.

[Anonymous]

If getting away with your spouse is truly a priority then u will figure out a way to go. I have 5 children and we have never gone away without them. Couples vacations are simply not a priority for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No and I've never considered it. I would not leave my kids overnight with hired help.

Agree

It's been 20 years for us. Oh well. We do family vacations.

[Anonymous]

Well, I have sympathy for you, OP. We take some vacations with my kids but kill me if we can't get couple only time. Fortunately we have relatives in another country that the kids spend a month or two with each summer, so that's when we do our exotic couples trips. But it sucks to not be able to get away from a random weekend. Winter is rough. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my kids for multiple nights with a random babysitter either, or even a long-term babysitter that we know fairly well. It's a big jump. However, I would definitely look into a nanny arrangement if I didn't have the overseas relative situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't leave my kids with someone they don't know well, especially since they are slow to warm up. Go somewhere with a kid club.

Another option is you fly in family to watch kids for a weekend and also hire sitter to help out during the day

That’s what we did, flew family in to watch our kids. Just once for a special event.