Best way to handle situation with Mother in Law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I don't think THIS visit is what's important. What's important is she's telling you that you don't treat them equally. Hotel stay may be the answer.

You're insane. MIL's disappointment is hers to manage. As a PP said, it is part of the cost of the divorce. Staying at FIL's is likely far more comfortable for them and far cheaper. Should they put a tree up in the hotel room for Santa? Even staying in a hotel won't assuage MIL's disappointment they aren't baking and prepping for the holiday.

Copying this quote. And not just for MILs. For anyone. Your disappointment is yours to manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wrote back and said "I will try to accomodate you visiting in December after Thanksgiving but please give me the specific dates you have in mind" .. it's like a control thing for her. I feel like I don't know how to handle her. I told my husband to call her later. He's sort of hoping she gives up and moves on because he is worried it is just too much before we leave to try to push a visit in.

The language you quoted comes across as hostile. I'd just rephrase: I'm sorry Thanksgiving week won't work out, it would have been fun to spend the holiday together and we have a lot of free time that week. If you're still looking at other dates in December, our current plans are X, Y, Z (and make clear what she is welcome to join). Let us know if you are able to fit in a visit and otherwise we'll see you in LA!

This is ridiculous. Who has the time to write up essay texts like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should not have send a rude text, that is just rude. However, you know that your MIL is not swimming in money. Airfare for Thanksgiving week are outrageous, and go down for dates when she suggested. Why is 7-14 a big deal for you? You work, right? She can spend some time with grand kids after school hopefully. She was likely saving face with not traveling at Thanksgiving. I feel that she tried to do what she thought was easiest on you, by coming to you as opposed to making some demands on the time you spend at FIL's. Honestly, why can't she come on the 7th? I really feel that she went out of her way, in her own way, to make this easy for your family, and you totally rejected her effort.

Did you read OP's posts? MIL is not comfortable staying with kids alone, without OP. There 2 kids under 4.
Plus, she doesn't get around by herself, so it's on OP to entertain her.

[Anonymous]

I would not accommodate that schedule and I would have MIL come visit in a few months, to spread out the time you are seeing her. You are already seeing her in December so maybe in the spring she can come for a whole week when it's convenient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Her message back to me was so rude and hostile. It literally started with "That won't work for me. Sorry!!!" after I wrote a message about how I was excited she would get to experience these fun holiday events with our kids around our city and we it would be so great because my husband is here! I thought mine was actually nice in comparison. She is a tough personality, it is really hard for her to be grateful because she is ALWAYS comparing what she doesn't get from us or what FIL does which there is no comparison, she really does spend a lot more one on one time with my kids throughout the year. She is also really focused on herself and I have come a long way in accepting this. Example, insisted she had to be there the week of my first born's birth, then complained to my husband that she would appreciate us making a home cooked meal for her because he was getting takeout for every meal. She is just not the type to even think about being the one to make dinner for a couple with a 3 day old at home which is fine but it seems off to me she would expect me to make that when adjusting to being a mom and nursing around the clock. I cannot stress enough she is just always worried about her feelings and what she wants in every moment.

Yes, her job is stressful. She is a recovering addict herself so the holidays are an emotional time and she missed a lot of my husband's childhood so wanting to experience this with the grandkids go back to this. Yet, as I mentioned it is not always about US because we are trying to accommodate her. Some are just due to her job situation.

excuse me, what now? she's pretty selfish.

OP, you do a lot to accommodate your crazy MIL. Time to focus on you and your family's needs.