"Racists are recruiting. Watch your white sons."

[Anonymous]

This is my worst fear about my son. And of course that makes my white privilege more obvious because my worst fear doesn’t have to be that he will be killed by a cop in an ordinary traffic stop or a wellness check.

I am doing my dammdest to be actively anti-racist right now, with the books we read and the stories we center and the discussions we have.

But my husband is a racist. Maybe he always was and I chose not to notice the signs. But in the past 6 years, it has gotten overt. He started listening to all these poisoning podcasts...Joe Rohan led to Jordan Peterson and virulent anti-feminism, then down a rabbit hole that has led to full on MAGA shit. In front of our child, he will not use the n-word, as he doesn’t want me to leave him, but he comes close and his white-guy victimhood is matched only by his growing rage against women and brown people.

We live in entirely different universes of information. Entirely different. I would never, ever be friends with him if we were not raising children together. I can’t leave him to 50/50 custody and the virulent racism without me at least having some kind of cap on it. Right now, my children adore me and see me as a hero and a role model. But what if adolescence hits and all of a sudden my son chases after his emotionally remote father’s approval by alighting with his “white pride”? Or since his dad is such a jerk, he seeks approval and identity by aligning with these alt-right monsters?

It’s stunning to me how quickly and virulently all of this racism has bubbled up in just a few years...I guess I was oblivious to it being there all along, but it is terrifying to me how open and contagious it is now.

[Anonymous]

I think if you're white it's really important to present role models of white people who have fought for civil rights. Did anyone read, "Lies my Teacher Told Me?" The author talks a lot about this. I think you have to be careful not to present it as a 'white savior,' kind of thing, like look at this great white person who saved all the black people. However, I think children do benefit in seeing that white people can play an important anti-racist role. Too many people believe that white people who supported slavery and segregation were just products of their times, and should not be held accountable. Actually, there were many white people fighting against these systems. Children need to understand that they have a choice whether or not to support people with less power and privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you're white it's really important to present role models of white people who have fought for civil rights. Did anyone read, "Lies my Teacher Told Me?" The author talks a lot about this. I think you have to be careful not to present it as a 'white savior,' kind of thing, like look at this great white person who saved all the black people. However, I think children do benefit in seeing that white people can play an important anti-racist role. Too many people believe that white people who supported slavery and segregation were just products of their times, and should not be held accountable. Actually, there were many white people fighting against these systems. Children need to understand that they have a choice whether or not to support people with less power and privilege.

OP here - thank you for better articulating what I meant! I have no interest in inculcating white pride, but just raising my child with the awareness that many of all colors have fought for justice. When he gets older he can understand more subtle stuff like the white savior stereotype, privilege, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my worst fear about my son. And of course that makes my white privilege more obvious because my worst fear doesn’t have to be that he will be killed by a cop in an ordinary traffic stop or a wellness check.

I am doing my dammdest to be actively anti-racist right now, with the books we read and the stories we center and the discussions we have.

But my husband is a racist. Maybe he always was and I chose not to notice the signs. But in the past 6 years, it has gotten overt. He started listening to all these poisoning podcasts...Joe Rohan led to Jordan Peterson and virulent anti-feminism, then down a rabbit hole that has led to full on MAGA shit. In front of our child, he will not use the n-word, as he doesn’t want me to leave him, but he comes close and his white-guy victimhood is matched only by his growing rage against women and brown people.

We live in entirely different universes of information. Entirely different. I would never, ever be friends with him if we were not raising children together. I can’t leave him to 50/50 custody and the virulent racism without me at least having some kind of cap on it. Right now, my children adore me and see me as a hero and a role model. But what if adolescence hits and all of a sudden my son chases after his emotionally remote father’s approval by alighting with his “white pride”? Or since his dad is such a jerk, he seeks approval and identity by aligning with these alt-right monsters?

It’s stunning to me how quickly and virulently all of this racism has bubbled up in just a few years...I guess I was oblivious to it being there all along, but it is terrifying to me how open and contagious it is now.

That’s awful. I’m so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you're white it's really important to present role models of white people who have fought for civil rights. Did anyone read, "Lies my Teacher Told Me?" The author talks a lot about this. I think you have to be careful not to present it as a 'white savior,' kind of thing, like look at this great white person who saved all the black people. However, I think children do benefit in seeing that white people can play an important anti-racist role. Too many people believe that white people who supported slavery and segregation were just products of their times, and should not be held accountable. Actually, there were many white people fighting against these systems. Children need to understand that they have a choice whether or not to support people with less power and privilege.

I agree this is important. There are studies showing that white men at work tend to tune out the anti-discrimination and diversity trainings — especially if they are conducted by women or POC—because they implicitly assume that the training is “not for them.” There are also a lot of studies that show that one of the best ways to change a discriminatory or exclusionary culture at work is for “allies” in the dominant group to speak up. For instance, if the white male sees that the black female is always getting cut off when she makes a point, it’s really helpful if he says something like “wait—I think larla was trying to say something and I’d like to hear her thoughts.” The truth is that it’s really hard to make progress without allies of all types. The Underground Railroad would not have been possible without brave white people opening their homes—and even braver blacks people like Harriet Tubman risking capture to get people out. White boys need to understand that the work of the civil rights movement is their work too. I think that’s one thing that’s lost when school cabin the civil rights movement to just Black History Month.

[Anonymous]

At 7 years old the best role model your kid will have is you. How easily can you, as a white person, talk about race, structural racism, human biases, etc - to include talking about your own biases and privilege? And what are you doing about it? You have to live this, be active, include your kid - join Surjnova.org or a similar organization. Get your church group involved. Whatever works for your family, just do something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my worst fear about my son. And of course that makes my white privilege more obvious because my worst fear doesn’t have to be that he will be killed by a cop in an ordinary traffic stop or a wellness check.

I am doing my dammdest to be actively anti-racist right now, with the books we read and the stories we center and the discussions we have.

But my husband is a racist. Maybe he always was and I chose not to notice the signs. But in the past 6 years, it has gotten overt. He started listening to all these poisoning podcasts...Joe Rohan led to Jordan Peterson and virulent anti-feminism, then down a rabbit hole that has led to full on MAGA shit. In front of our child, he will not use the n-word, as he doesn’t want me to leave him, but he comes close and his white-guy victimhood is matched only by his growing rage against women and brown people.

We live in entirely different universes of information. Entirely different. I would never, ever be friends with him if we were not raising children together. I can’t leave him to 50/50 custody and the virulent racism without me at least having some kind of cap on it. Right now, my children adore me and see me as a hero and a role model. But what if adolescence hits and all of a sudden my son chases after his emotionally remote father’s approval by alighting with his “white pride”? Or since his dad is such a jerk, he seeks approval and identity by aligning with these alt-right monsters?

You can not allow your child to be exposed to this. You may think that you are helping with countering your husband by staying in the marriage. However, the message to your son will be "My dad can't be all that bad because my mom is married to him"

It’s stunning to me how quickly and virulently all of this racism has bubbled up in just a few years...I guess I was oblivious to it being there all along, but it is terrifying to me how open and contagious it is now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my worst fear about my son. And of course that makes my white privilege more obvious because my worst fear doesn’t have to be that he will be killed by a cop in an ordinary traffic stop or a wellness check.

I am doing my dammdest to be actively anti-racist right now, with the books we read and the stories we center and the discussions we have.

But my husband is a racist. Maybe he always was and I chose not to notice the signs. But in the past 6 years, it has gotten overt. He started listening to all these poisoning podcasts...Joe Rohan led to Jordan Peterson and virulent anti-feminism, then down a rabbit hole that has led to full on MAGA shit. In front of our child, he will not use the n-word, as he doesn’t want me to leave him, but he comes close and his white-guy victimhood is matched only by his growing rage against women and brown people.

We live in entirely different universes of information. Entirely different. I would never, ever be friends with him if we were not raising children together. I can’t leave him to 50/50 custody and the virulent racism without me at least having some kind of cap on it. Right now, my children adore me and see me as a hero and a role model. But what if adolescence hits and all of a sudden my son chases after his emotionally remote father’s approval by alighting with his “white pride”? Or since his dad is such a jerk, he seeks approval and identity by aligning with these alt-right monsters?


It’s stunning to me how quickly and virulently all of this racism has bubbled up in just a few years...I guess I was oblivious to it being there all along, but it is terrifying to me how open and contagious it is now.

You can not allow your child to be exposed to this. You may think that you are helping with countering your husband by staying in the marriage. However, the message to your son will be "My dad can't be all that bad because my mom is married to him"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh for pete's sake, would you people give it a rest! Leave these kids alone and stop poisoning them with your thought police crap and they will be fine. Just get out of the way with your generational baggage and let them be.

Please clarify

So tiresome

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my worst fear about my son. And of course that makes my white privilege more obvious because my worst fear doesn’t have to be that he will be killed by a cop in an ordinary traffic stop or a wellness check.

I am doing my dammdest to be actively anti-racist right now, with the books we read and the stories we center and the discussions we have.

But my husband is a racist. Maybe he always was and I chose not to notice the signs. But in the past 6 years, it has gotten overt. He started listening to all these poisoning podcasts...Joe Rohan led to Jordan Peterson and virulent anti-feminism, then down a rabbit hole that has led to full on MAGA shit. In front of our child, he will not use the n-word, as he doesn’t want me to leave him, but he comes close and his white-guy victimhood is matched only by his growing rage against women and brown people.

We live in entirely different universes of information. Entirely different. I would never, ever be friends with him if we were not raising children together. I can’t leave him to 50/50 custody and the virulent racism without me at least having some kind of cap on it. Right now, my children adore me and see me as a hero and a role model. But what if adolescence hits and all of a sudden my son chases after his emotionally remote father’s approval by alighting with his “white pride”? Or since his dad is such a jerk, he seeks approval and identity by aligning with these alt-right monsters?


It’s stunning to me how quickly and virulently all of this racism has bubbled up in just a few years...I guess I was oblivious to it being there all along, but it is terrifying to me how open and contagious it is now.

You can not allow your child to be exposed to this. You may think that you are helping with countering your husband by staying in the marriage. However, the message to your son will be "My dad can't be all that bad because my mom is married to him"

yes, you should leave your husband immediately because he likes Donald trump. that will teach your children a valuable lesson + form a great foundation for your future relationship with them

[Anonymous]

There has been a concerted effort on the progressive left to make people aware that to be colorblind is an effect of privilege, and to educate kids (and adults) to be aware of their own whiteness.

Why then does it come as a shock that this new awareness of whiteness is going to lead some people to place value on their whiteness? This was a foreseeably disastrous outcome.

[Anonymous]

I was recently reading a New Yorker article about one of the heads of the new alt-right movement (can't recall the name, maybe someone can helpfully supply the link), and it mentioned how he grew up in a leftie family, and that led to his rebellion. So, that's something I'd worry about, the kid feeling stymied and rejecting parents' beliefs in favor of opposite extreme. Luckily my kid is half-Asian and half-Jewish, so no Aryan brotherhood for him. And of course we still talk about all this stuff, I just try not to be overly ardent about it and make it a conversation rather than a lecture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was recently reading a New Yorker article about one of the heads of the new alt-right movement (can't recall the name, maybe someone can helpfully supply the link), and it mentioned how he grew up in a leftie family, and that led to his rebellion. So, that's something I'd worry about, the kid feeling stymied and rejecting parents' beliefs in favor of opposite extreme. Luckily my kid is half-Asian and half-Jewish, so no Aryan brotherhood for him. And of course we still talk about all this stuff, I just try not to be overly ardent about it and make it a conversation rather than a lecture.

Race alone does not guarantee anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There has been a concerted effort on the progressive left to make people aware that to be colorblind is an effect of privilege, and to educate kids (and adults) to be aware of their own whiteness.

Why then does it come as a shock that this new awareness of whiteness is going to lead some people to place value on their whiteness? This was a foreseeably disastrous outcome.

THis is what we call backlash---and we are not going to coddle people who can't handle that they are no longer the center of the universe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There has been a concerted effort on the progressive left to make people aware that to be colorblind is an effect of privilege, and to educate kids (and adults) to be aware of their own whiteness.

Why then does it come as a shock that this new awareness of whiteness is going to lead some people to place value on their whiteness? This was a foreseeably disastrous outcome.

THis is what we call backlash---and we are not going to coddle people who can't handle that they are no longer the center of the universe

Yeah, I don’t think that’s what this is about. Good luck, though.