Your biggest confrontation with a relative or IL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I have never had a "confrontation," big or otherwise, with a relative or inlaw.

Maybe if you're asking this question you need to think about what is the problem with you that you think that having a "confrontation" is normal or typical. Because it isn't.

What? How is it not normal or typical to confront someone you love about a difficult issue?

Why do you feel the need to "confront" instead of have a reasonable discussion? That's a problem with you if you think it is normal or typical to "confront" people about something.

Darling, don't you think it depends on what the something is? Should the poster on the first page have "gently approached" her father about his sexual abuse of her? Or was she right in confronting him?

GTFO.

Now you're being hyperbolic and condescending to divert the discussion, and a furtherance of your "confront" model. Hhhhmmmm. What does that say about you? 99.99999% of situations in life don't require an approach of "confront." If "confront" is your modus operandi then that is a problem with you, not with the other person.

You sound highly confrontational.

[Anonymous]

I told my MIL point-blank that she would never drive with my children in the car because of her drinking. Cabinets were slammed, feet were stomped and crocodile tears were shed. She is a lifelong manipulator with NPD and no one has even stood up to her or said the word "no" to her.

[Anonymous]

DH comes from a huge family where everyone lives near each other. They never really left their home state. I was offered a promotion at my job which would take us cross country. We were only married for a year, no kids. We announced we were moving to another state and ILs unleashed full anger, accusations, lots of f bombs instead of congratulating us. Accused me of splitting up their family. Fast forward 12 years. We still in that other state. DH has not spoken to his parents ever since. Our 2 kids never met them. His siblings reached out but DH was so hurt, he calls them maybe 2-3 times a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH comes from a huge family where everyone lives near each other. They never really left their home state. I was offered a promotion at my job which would take us cross country. We were only married for a year, no kids. We announced we were moving to another state and ILs unleashed full anger, accusations, lots of f bombs instead of congratulating us. Accused me of splitting up their family. Fast forward 12 years. We still in that other state. DH has not spoken to his parents ever since. Our 2 kids never met them. His siblings reached out but DH was so hurt, he calls them maybe 2-3 times a year.

Whoa. If this was the only major conflict/issues, I would try to reconcile after 12 years, TBH.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:A huge fight over how he was attacking friends of mine on FB over his Trump BS. I stayed away from his page, and asked him politely - repeatedly - to keep his crap off mine. But he just couldn’t stop. Then I started getting private messages about how I “needed to listen to [my] elders” (I was 47) and comments like how people like him with guns “weren’t going to take crap anymore.” But he was almost a bigot, racist and misogynist. Trump just made him feel like he could be more open about it. So yeah, done and blocked. Haven’t spoken to him since. Fallout - some tense times with his kids, but mostly they were ok to me. Things with them are almost back to normal. I’ve never regretted cutting him out. There were plenty of reasons to before, so no regrets.

Was this an uncle or an in-law?

The proverbial “everyone’s got that one racist uncle.” He was technically an in-law, married to my aunt. But he was around well before I was born, so always just my uncle.

So your biggest confrontation revolves around blocking a trump supporter on facebook? mkay

Um, no ahole. The blocking and never speaking to him again was how I ended it. The confrontation was the result decades of misogynistic and racist bullshit that increased because of Trump and spilled over to him attacking my friends on FB, and not-so-subtly making threats related to the firearms he owns. But nice try dipshit.

Uh huh. Nice virtual confrontation

[Anonymous]

Not allowing them to drive us or our kids around.

ADHD FIL with bad vision, a 30 yo vehicle he likes to go to the dump to get replacement parts for, a passive MIL who only wants to keep the peace, always asks MIL for directions- even to places they always drive, and he drives 10-20 mph UNDER the speed limit even on highways and freeways.

Oh and if he or my DH ask him to pls speed up or make a lane change, both FIL and MIL start actually scolding us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:This wasn't an all-out confrontation with shouting, etc., but I did tell my MIL and her boyfriend that he wasn't welcome at my house until he could stop saying racist and homophobic things. I am not white and neither are my children. He now comes to visit, but aside from laying on the couch and watching Fox News all day long, keeps his racist thoughts to himself.

Why the hell do you allow him to turn on Fox News and your home? I love my parents but I avoid going to their houses because that’s all that’s ever on and it’s so sad and hateful. It’s news for stupid people I cannot imagine actively allowing someone to turn that crap on in my house.

+1.

Don't forget CNN, and MSNBC equally nauseating and fake.

Will you just STFU with your tired nonsense? See, most of us can discern between news and opinion/info-news. We don't need you to trash news that you simply disagree with. Dick.

[Anonymous]

Wow, someone nasty is really hyper sensitive to calling out Mass Media shortcomings. Wowzers!

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend (of almost two years) and I were staying with my mom and she was being argumentative about everything. We said we were leaving a day earlier than planned, and my mom threatened to jump off the roof (15 stories).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, someone nasty is really hyper sensitive to calling out Mass Media shortcomings. Wowzers!

Sure thing, Boris.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH comes from a huge family where everyone lives near each other. They never really left their home state. I was offered a promotion at my job which would take us cross country. We were only married for a year, no kids. We announced we were moving to another state and ILs unleashed full anger, accusations, lots of f bombs instead of congratulating us. Accused me of splitting up their family. Fast forward 12 years. We still in that other state. DH has not spoken to his parents ever since. Our 2 kids never met them. His siblings reached out but DH was so hurt, he calls them maybe 2-3 times a year.

Whoa. If this was the only major conflict/issues, I would try to reconcile after 12 years, TBH.

Np. If I wasn’t also living through this then I would totally agree with you. Truly, though, it probably wasn’t the first time they’d displayed that kind of entitled behavior and when people are that nasty and hostile I don’t think the relationship can ever go back to what it was before they showed such disrespect. If they couldn’t bring thselves to be polite or civil then they should have remained silent instead of resorting to verbal abuse and emotional blackmail. In our case, the behavior was so egregious it shattered any desire to be around them, ever.

[Anonymous]

Taking the car keys away.

[Anonymous]

MIL literally videoed my son’s funeral behind my back like it was a kindergarten Christmas pageant. That was the straw that broke the camels back. She pulled many stunts with him in the hospital and I think she enjoyed the attention she received with a sick grandchild.

That was a few years ago and I still can’t look at her the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL literally videoed my son’s funeral behind my back like it was a kindergarten Christmas pageant. That was the straw that broke the camels back. She pulled many stunts with him in the hospital and I think she enjoyed the attention she received with a sick grandchild.

That was a few years ago and I still can’t look at her the same.

PP, I'm sorry for your loss doesn't even begin to cover it. Truly. That's such appalling behavior on your MIL's part. You'd be totally justified in going no contact. Again, truly sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What was your biggest confrontation with a relative or an in-law?

Did you recover? How well did you recover? What worked or didn't work about the fallout/healing process?

Honestly, I don't bother confronting crazy people.