s/o kitchen is closed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.

Some white people maybe. My mom will make ten times the amount of food needed for any type of guest. The biggest problem with being her guest is trying to leave without being overfull.

Should we start discussing some other issues as "cultural" things, like that would make it OK? You may be interested to know the demographics of the vast majority of people I've met who are on time, drive well, speak English properly, and "trust banks."

DP -- I get your point, and I don't think it is a race issue, but food is an area around which there are a lot of cultural "norms." I agree that strict policies around food are the result of personal issues (OCD, disordered eating, etc), but I do think there are some cultures that highly value hospitality and strongly associate food with that, and for which it would be unacceptable to not provide abundant and frequent refreshments. In other words, all kinds of people can have these tendencies, but there are some cultures that so strongly frown upon it that it's repressed, and others for which other cultural norms (privacy, frugality) may encourage, or at least no inhibit, such behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, maybe I’m wrong, but I interpreted the post about the closed kitchen to mean that the MIL was in there preparing the food for the big dinner and didn’t want other people in the kitchen while she was trying to work. I assumed she had a small kitchen and didn’t have space for other people in there while she was cooking.

This is the only way I’ve heard that expression used- just that the cook needed to use the space and there was no room for other activities in the kitchen during the prep for the big meal.

No, the way the phrase has been used by notorious DCUM posters and difficult in-laws is different. They declare that the kitchen is closed at a certain point (like after breakfast) and no one, including house guests, are allowed back in the kitchen at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.

Some white people maybe. My mom will make ten times the amount of food needed for any type of guest. The biggest problem with being her guest is trying to leave without being overfull.

Should we start discussing some other issues as "cultural" things, like that would make it OK? You may be interested to know the demographics of the vast majority of people I've met who are on time, drive well, speak English properly, and "trust banks."

DP -- I get your point, and I don't think it is a race issue, but food is an area around which there are a lot of cultural "norms." I agree that strict policies around food are the result of personal issues (OCD, disordered eating, etc), but I do think there are some cultures that highly value hospitality and strongly associate food with that, and for which it would be unacceptable to not provide abundant and frequent refreshments. In other words, all kinds of people can have these tendencies, but there are some cultures that so strongly frown upon it that it's repressed, and others for which other cultural norms (privacy, frugality) may encourage, or at least no inhibit, such behavior.

Again, I'm waiting to hear what CULTURES you are referring to. "White" is not a culture, or so was claimed earlier.

[Anonymous]

Pp, that makes me feel better. Thank you for sharing!

[Anonymous]

At my ILs it means no food of any kind but you are allowed to have beverages. However, everyone only gets one drinking cup for the day and that’s it. And not even a nice glass either.
My MIL buys those party packs of Solo cups at Costco. You break your Solo cup and you are SOL, baby. Not joking. It’s no wonder my wife had been in therapy for 8 years when I met her to correct her disordered eating.

We take quiet snacks and hide the evidence in our suitcases to throw away when we are out. Now that our kids are older (12-19), they make a challenge out of it. When we were there for Easter, the kids challenged each other to see who could sneak in and consume the smelliest fast food without being caught.

My ILs don’t eat lunch. They think lunch is why Americans are so fat. They didn’t allow their kids to have lunch either when in school. They were just permitted water to keep full. Still blows my mind how they never got reported to CPS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At my ILs it means no food of any kind but you are allowed to have beverages. However, everyone only gets one drinking cup for the day and that’s it. And not even a nice glass either.
My MIL buys those party packs of Solo cups at Costco. You break your Solo cup and you are SOL, baby. Not joking. It’s no wonder my wife had been in therapy for 8 years when I met her to correct her disordered eating.

We take quiet snacks and hide the evidence in our suitcases to throw away when we are out. Now that our kids are older (12-19), they make a challenge out of it. When we were there for Easter, the kids challenged each other to see who could sneak in and consume the smelliest fast food without being caught.

My ILs don’t eat lunch. They think lunch is why Americans are so fat. They didn’t allow their kids to have lunch either when in school. They were just permitted water to keep full. Still blows my mind how they never got reported to CPS!

I would subject my kids to that environment exactly never. Hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.

Some white people maybe. My mom will make ten times the amount of food needed for any type of guest. The biggest problem with being her guest is trying to leave without being overfull.

Should we start discussing some other issues as "cultural" things, like that would make it OK? You may be interested to know the demographics of the vast majority of people I've met who are on time, drive well, speak English properly, and "trust banks."

DP -- I get your point, and I don't think it is a race issue, but food is an area around which there are a lot of cultural "norms." I agree that strict policies around food are the result of personal issues (OCD, disordered eating, etc), but I do think there are some cultures that highly value hospitality and strongly associate food with that, and for which it would be unacceptable to not provide abundant and frequent refreshments. In other words, all kinds of people can have these tendencies, but there are some cultures that so strongly frown upon it that it's repressed, and others for which other cultural norms (privacy, frugality) may encourage, or at least no inhibit, such behavior.

Again, I'm waiting to hear what CULTURES you are referring to. "White" is not a culture, or so was claimed earlier.

I was not the previous poster, and I didn't say any race was a "culture." I avoided specifying a culture, because I knew that, as soon as I did, someone would come up with a anecdote that "disproves" it. I'm sure such anecdote will be true. As I said, there are individuals with these tendencies everywhere. However, there are places where social pressure inhibits, even if it doesn't completely prevent, such behavior.

However, since you're so determined, I say that it seems to me that "southern" cultures, whether in the US or Europe, for example, tend to put more focus on an over abundance of food as part of hospitality (not just food itself, which I think all cultures see as an essential part of hospitality). I wonder if its some remnant of times when being in a warmer climate made access to food easier and more consistent? It makes sense that if you're living on the frontier in Minnesota or a Nordic country with a very short growing season, that there would be a premium placed on avoiding food waste.

I also think there is a socioeconomic element. This made me think of Tom Wolfe and his "social x-rays." He says something along the line of "The only people who can be that thin are people who have absolutely no doubt about where their next meal is coming from." There can be a snobbery around not eating. Someone said the other day that "You should never trust someone who eats at cocktail parties." It is a thing among certain classes. (On the other hand, I find that these people tend to drink a lot of alcohol instead).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At my ILs it means no food of any kind but you are allowed to have beverages. However, everyone only gets one drinking cup for the day and that’s it. And not even a nice glass either.
My MIL buys those party packs of Solo cups at Costco. You break your Solo cup and you are SOL, baby. Not joking. It’s no wonder my wife had been in therapy for 8 years when I met her to correct her disordered eating.

We take quiet snacks and hide the evidence in our suitcases to throw away when we are out. Now that our kids are older (12-19), they make a challenge out of it. When we were there for Easter, the kids challenged each other to see who could sneak in and consume the smelliest fast food without being caught.

My ILs don’t eat lunch. They think lunch is why Americans are so fat. They didn’t allow their kids to have lunch either when in school. They were just permitted water to keep full. Still blows my mind how they never got reported to CPS!

This is horrifying (though you cracked me up with the solo cup description). Do the in-laws have redeeming features? Does your wife actually want to see them?

[Anonymous]

I think this is super common in retirement communities. The seniors start living in a bubble of other seniors. I noticed that when our in laws moved into one of these Florida communities they started adopting all sorts of strange old people things. They see others doing it and it becomes a thing.

These included having no food in the refrigerator. The food that was there was often expired. Not serving normal meals. Closing the kitchen and then being really surprised when we kept taking our kids out to eat.

Not only having carpeting in the bathroom and in ones that didn't having a fluffy rug under the toilet. These all had matching furry toilet seat covers and tissue box covers.

Going to bed at 7 pm and getting up at 5 am.

These things all emerged with two years of them moving there. They were closer to normal before the move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.

Some white people maybe. My mom will make ten times the amount of food needed for any type of guest. The biggest problem with being her guest is trying to leave without being overfull.

Should we start discussing some other issues as "cultural" things, like that would make it OK? You may be interested to know the demographics of the vast majority of people I've met who are on time, drive well, speak English properly, and "trust banks."

DP -- I get your point, and I don't think it is a race issue, but food is an area around which there are a lot of cultural "norms." I agree that strict policies around food are the result of personal issues (OCD, disordered eating, etc), but I do think there are some cultures that highly value hospitality and strongly associate food with that, and for which it would be unacceptable to not provide abundant and frequent refreshments. In other words, all kinds of people can have these tendencies, but there are some cultures that so strongly frown upon it that it's repressed, and others for which other cultural norms (privacy, frugality) may encourage, or at least no inhibit, such behavior.

Again, I'm waiting to hear what CULTURES you are referring to. "White" is not a culture, or so was claimed earlier.

Good lord it's probably time to let it go at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I also think there is a socioeconomic element. This made me think of Tom Wolfe and his "social x-rays." He says something along the line of "The only people who can be that thin are people who have absolutely no doubt about where their next meal is coming from." There can be a snobbery around not eating. Someone said the other day that "You should never trust someone who eats at cocktail parties." It is a thing among certain classes. (On the other hand, I find that these people tend to drink a lot of alcohol instead).

I remember The Preppy Handbook saying that parties (or maybe just wedding receptions?) had a distinct take on catering: never enough food, always enough liquor.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, my parents don't officially close the kitchen at any time, but they buy food basically meal by meal, so they always get annoyed if you take anything out of the fridge because they have exact plans for how it is going to be used. They also get annoyed if you buy food and put it in their fridge, because they're the hosts. So annoying. Especially now that we have young kids, because they always fully prepare things w/o thinking about kid tastes (e.g., dressing on salads, salsa on chicken fajitas, cream cheese on bagels), so our kids end up starving (even though they try pretty well for 2 & 4) and the basics of the foods they have could work just fine/there is plenty in the fridge they could eat.

[Anonymous]

This is why we always stay in a hotel. The food police ruin everything.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why everyone is criticizing. I also close my kitchen after meals. I make hearty meals - there’s no need to go into the kitchen every couple of hours. I agree with the previous poster who said this is why there’s an obesity problem in this country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why everyone is criticizing. I also close my kitchen after meals. I make hearty meals - there’s no need to go into the kitchen every couple of hours. I agree with the previous poster who said this is why there’s an obesity problem in this country.

My toddlers eating breakfast and lunch at mealtimes is not why there’s an obesity epidemic.

If you don’t want to host people, that’s okay, don’t do it. No hard feelings. But trying to control the amount of food your guests eat is super weird. It’s a sign of OCD, control issues or other disorders. That you lump anyone who doesn’t conform to your disordered eating as the reason for the obesity epidemic is crazy. Interesting enough everyone in my nuclear family is a normal weight/BMI. The only people I know who have the “kitchen is closed” policies are overweight senior citizens.