Worried about perpetually messy house impact on kids

[Anonymous]

OP, the house messiness doesn't really matter. Your health does.

[Anonymous]

I have not read many of the replies but I’ll share my story. I grew up in an incredibly messy house and we did not have any friends over. Ever. It was mortifying. We had to come up with all sorts of excuses to keep people away. I encourage you not to let that happen. Now as an adult I love to host. My house is not super clean but it is not messy or as cluttered and I feel so happy about it. We pay for a housekeeper. I never learned good cleaning habits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not damaging them bc of the state of the house. You aren’t living in squalor. You are keeping them happy healthy and fed. Is it cluttered? Sure. But it won’t give them a complex unless you specifically bring attention to it.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way. The clutter is probably effecting you. Can you set a timer to go through the clutter for a certain amount of time each day? Even if you start with just 10 minutes of going through the mail stack at night? 10 minute vacuum the next night? It may seem stupid at first but those 10 minutes may lead to more motivation to do other things other times of the day. Also, every week or every two weeks increase the time by 2 minutes, until you have the mess under control

This.

And may I suggest you do let them have friends over. That seems to be more of an issue to me than the mess.

Get a box, dump piles in to accommodate play date. You can deal with it later.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get terribly stressed about my house-it's not dirty, but not as clean everywhere as I want. I work full time and commute 2 hrs a day and have a young child with SN. I have a DH and young adult dc and I always feel that they are not helping enough.

A few things that relieve stress for me is-to be decluttered as much as possible. Less stuff=less stress, for me at least. Keeping cleaning supplies I need at handy spots, like clorox wipes under the bathroom sinks, helps too.

About 6 months ago, I finally started paying for a cleaner every two weeks-this is the BEST thing I have done for my mental health!!! For a long time, I did not feel justified in spending money on that. Then I realized, MY health is important too.

This week, the owner of the company (it's a mom from church who had one employee) let me know that her employee left and her own dh has medical needs currently, so I won't get cleaned for 8 weeks. This sent me reeling I've spent the last two evenings griping at my dh and grown kids about what they aren't doing. I really didn't realize how good the cleaner is for my stress level.

Anyhow, OP I understand what you're saying. Look, there is a long weekend coming up this month. I would plan out a 'house attack' get stuff like boxes and bags ready, and tell dh and kids that you all are cleaning and purging from top to bottom taht weekend. Then, I'd try to have a cleaner start coming. Even if you have to stretch elsewhere. My mental health is worth it.