DH didn’t get me anything - feeling hurt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - not a drama queen, I’m not making a big deal of it or ruining Christmas I’m just saying I’m bummed DH didn’t reciprocate since I got him some small things a few weeks ago for his holiday. I thought it was normal that he would do some small things for my holiday.

OP, you married a Jewish guy but for some reason you want him to act like a Christian guy? Hanukkah is not really about the gifts the same way Christmas is, and in many families grown ups don’t exchange Hanukkah gifts. So to expect a tit for tat without discussing your expectations with him was wrong. I mean, if you buy the matzah for the Seder are you going to be hurt when he doesn’t break out a chocolate bunny for you the following week?

Hanukkah and Christmas are completely different holidays. If you want him to behave a certain way at Christmas you need to tell him.

[Anonymous]

It’s not a religious thing and I don’t think anyone hasn’t heard of a Christmas gift before. Not exactly something you need to be deep into Christianity to understand.

[Anonymous]

Just tell him. Your feelings are valid, and if you communicate them you deserve to have them acknowledged through concrete actions. I wouldn't start with, I got you 4 thoughtful things how come you couldn't even get one, but just a simple, "to be honest, I like getting gifts at Christmas. Doesn't have to be anything big. If you'd be willing to get me something, I'm happy to give suggestions next year if you prefer or not if you want to surprise me." Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand you people who say this is ok. I’ve been married to my spouse for years, and it’s inconceivable that we wouldn’t get each other gifts, and without being told. No, this is not normal behavior in a normal marriage, unless it is expressly agreed to in advance. You have a right to be hurt and angry, OP.

Your marriage is not the standard for normal.

You are wrong.

Not wrong. There is no standard.
What works for your marriage doesn’t work for mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - not a drama queen, I’m not making a big deal of it or ruining Christmas I’m just saying I’m bummed DH didn’t reciprocate since I got him some small things a few weeks ago for his holiday. I thought it was normal that he would do some small things for my holiday.

OP, you married a Jewish guy but for some reason you want him to act like a Christian guy? Hanukkah is not really about the gifts the same way Christmas is, and in many families grown ups don’t exchange Hanukkah gifts. So to expect a tit for tat without discussing your expectations with him was wrong. I mean, if you buy the matzah for the Seder are you going to be hurt when he doesn’t break out a chocolate bunny for you the following week?

Hanukkah and Christmas are completely different holidays. If you want him to behave a certain way at Christmas you need to tell him.

It's Chanukkah, Chanukkah with a C. Get it right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband will buy me a gift on my birthday. Why should he buy me a gift on Jesus's birthday?

This is literally true for everyone but Jesus. Why buy anyone a gift on Christmas? Because it’s convention and you do it for friends and family. If you want to agree with your husband not to do it, that’s a joint decision, but absent that, it’s weird not to exchange gifts.

Its weird that you are celebrating Christmas by the cues given by retail industry. Your head may be your own but the ideas belong to people who control you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a religious thing and I don’t think anyone hasn’t heard of a Christmas gift before. Not exactly something you need to be deep into Christianity to understand.

Would you rather have peace in your family than a christmas family.

[Anonymous]

I would really like statistics on this, because the topic of husbands and gift giving shows up a lot. Categories:

1. DH who totally nails the gift-giving skill.
2. DH who reliably provides DW with a gift but has no clue (these guys improve when their daughters are old enough to instruct them).
3. DH who dutifully buys what DW has instructed/linked from Amazon.
4. DH who has been instructed (degree of specificity ay vary) but manages to instead get something that is enough of a departure his gift appears to have a hostile intent (but who knows).
5. DH who randomly gives a gift or not.
6. DH who buys insulting gifts (e.g. offensive gag gifts)
7. DH simply opts out of the gift-giving, may or may not explain in advance.

And as for DWs:

1. DW tells the truth about receiving a loving and appropriate gift from DH she did not know she was getting.
2. DW pretends the loving and appropriate gift she received was all DH's idea.
3. DW pretends her husband gave her the cashmere she bought for herself.
4. DW announces "our present to ourselves" (such as furniture or a vacation) something they would have gotten anyway
5. DW tells the truth about not receiving a gift from DH.

[Anonymous]

Make sure he knows what you want. Write it down and talk about expectations. We didn't do this and dh was miffed as to why i filled my own stocking and our kids stockings. Uhh because you never have? He proceeded to blame me for not telling him. Fair enough. So this year i asked if he'd like to fill the stockings. Yes he did. And nobody got stockings. And that is why i fill my own stocking.

[Anonymous]

DH didn’t get me anything either and almost never does. I use to get really upset, but I enjoy the holiday with my DS and family. I’m beyond the point of trying to correct his behavior, and just holding out for DS to be older to be rid of him. It is sad, but I can not always be upset because of him.

[Anonymous]

I always tell my DH what I want for Christmas. Giving thoughtful and creative is extremely difficult, even for women. DH always gets the thing I asked for and a few little treats (the candy I like, my favorite coffee). The little cheap things are my favorite, because it’s thoughtful when people remember small things I like. It’s insanely insensitive to get nothing for your wife at all. The whole men-are-clueless trope is overplayed and untrue. Like the previous poster said, Amazon sends this shit to your door, it takes effort to be that thoughtless.