DH didn’t get me anything - feeling hurt

[Anonymous]

OP, does he do this every year or is this the first time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got Henkels knives that he wanted.

Exchange them for something you want.

LOL agree!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him flat out what you want. I’d you wait for him to be a mind reader, you could be waiting for a long time.

Be careful with that. Don't mention something you need around the house, and then get all mad Xmas morning when you open your new toaster expecting something more romantic.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand you people who say this is ok. I’ve been married to my spouse for years, and it’s inconceivable that we wouldn’t get each other gifts, and without being told. No, this is not normal behavior in a normal marriage, unless it is expressly agreed to in advance. You have a right to be hurt and angry, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, I usually buy my own gifts, wrap them, and he writes out the card. Generally at Xmas, he feels sheepish and complains about me buying a few small gifts for myself. So guess what. I did not do it this year. He got nothing. It was awkward this am. There's no winning with these guys. I am just planning to quietly buy my own gifts over the next few weeks but I honestly do feel bad about all the effort I put in...something about the way it might translate to kids. Ah well.

[Anonymous]

My DH has also not given me gifts some years and I’m like OP in that I truly am not into things but I think there’s a message in not taking time to give something. It makes me sad that he doesn’t but I’m resigned to it too on some level.

I have told my DH that teaching our children to think of others and give gifts to me is something we should model so I have asked that he work with them to get/make me something just like I do with them for him. Despite agreeing on prinicipal his follow through is pretty lax. Kids on their own have taken it on now that their older but he makes it hard for them if they need supplies or help with prohects. And I do get my DH gifts and try hard to get things that he’s mentioned, admired or that I think would please him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand you people who say this is ok. I’ve been married to my spouse for years, and it’s inconceivable that we wouldn’t get each other gifts, and without being told. No, this is not normal behavior in a normal marriage, unless it is expressly agreed to in advance. You have a right to be hurt and angry, OP.

Your marriage is not the standard for normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - not a drama queen, I’m not making a big deal of it or ruining Christmas I’m just saying I’m bummed DH didn’t reciprocate since I got him some small things a few weeks ago for his holiday. I thought it was normal that he would do some small things for my holiday.

Is this your first Christmas together or something? I don't think it matters at all that he didn't get you something, if that's his normal way. But if he's always been a gift-giver I can see why you'd be disappointed. It seems like your resentful over his lack of participation in your marriage in general or something larger along those lines, not in the gift part.

My parents have been married for 45 years and my dad has never once gotten my mother a gift. It's just how he is. She knows this so she has expectations that match and total freedom to buy herself whatever she wants whenever she wants it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes women seem so petty. You can't do things for yourself?

NP. Why should anyone -- man or woman -- buy their own Christmas gift? Amazon will literally drop the shit on your doorstep. It's Christmas, a gift giving holiday. If he opened gifts today he should feel like shit that his wife had nothing from him under the tree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand you people who say this is ok. I’ve been married to my spouse for years, and it’s inconceivable that we wouldn’t get each other gifts, and without being told. No, this is not normal behavior in a normal marriage, unless it is expressly agreed to in advance. You have a right to be hurt and angry, OP.

Your marriage is not the standard for normal.

It’s not normal to have it be standard that you and your spouse exchange gifts on Christmas??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand you people who say this is ok. I’ve been married to my spouse for years, and it’s inconceivable that we wouldn’t get each other gifts, and without being told. No, this is not normal behavior in a normal marriage, unless it is expressly agreed to in advance. You have a right to be hurt and angry, OP.

Your marriage is not the standard for normal.

It’s not normal to have it be standard that you and your spouse exchange gifts on Christmas??

We don’t do it either. Christmas presents are just for the kids.

[Anonymous]

I was just hoping for some lotion for my purse

LOL, used to have a t-shirt that said this!

we also celebrate Hanukkah

Quick question: do you ever call it Chanukkah? It's cool when that happens.

[Anonymous]

op, how did your kids react? We are a small family of 3, so admittedly it would be very noticeable, but if there was nothing for me under the tree I think my DD would be horrified. It’s so rude!! My DH and I buy each other small, almost token, gifts so it’s not about needing something specific. It’s a symbol and part of the traditions of Christmas. This year I got my DH an expensive bottle of balsamic vinegar (he loves to cook) and he got me fuzzy socks.

I’m really sorry, OP. I would be sad, too.

[Anonymous]

My kids didn’t notice in the chaos of opening their own gifts. They’re pretty little so I don’t know if they connected it. They helped me pick out some of DH’s gifts but they didn’t seem to wonder I guess why they didn’t do the same with him for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I wouldn’t be offended for something small, not that kind of person. I actually like that kind of thing and prefer it over something expensive. I didn’t specifically say - get me x - but is that necessary? Genuine question, I feel like I do 99% when it comes to holidays. Do I also have to handle my own gift?

No, you handle things you want or need yourself. Go out and buy. Why do you have to create unnecessary drama?

+1

There is nothing special about going and buying what I want myself. It would be nice for once to be seen and heard and not do all the work.