Is it rude to bring food if you are asked 'just to bring yourselves'?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you are complaining about 5 beers, half a log of goat cheese, and some fresh fruit in your fridge. The goat cheese would have been gone immediately because I’m a goat cheese lover and I would have tossed the pasta salad right away. This is not something to think about for more than 30 seconds.

You and I think similarly. No wonder so many people are over-stressed and overwhelmed in life. This is the type of thing that should require 0 mental energy.

Then don't give it the mental energy you just did. See how that works?

Stop. You don't get to tell people what they can post or say or think.

There is a difference between having an opinion on how people react to a situation and getting upset at the situation the OP describes.

So...we're not allowed to tell people what they can post or say or think when they respond to an OP, but the OP isn't allowed to post or say or think what they post or say or think?

Got it.

[Anonymous]

Do you or your husband work? People at my job are constantly bringing food to the break room. People leave it out or leave a sign “cupcakes in the fridge. Help yourself.” What does not get eaten in a day or two, the bringer just tosses.
Gets a little annoying after thanksgiving because so many people have so much left over, but a random Thursday, score!

[Anonymous]

I would like just brought over a bottle of wine, but I don't think it was rude. Like you said, it was good intentions/generous spirit. That said, my MIL always goes overboard and brings tons of random stuff and it gets on my nerves, but that has more to do with my relationship with her

[Anonymous]

Wrong, OP.
The guest was kind and generous.

Haven’t you ever heard, ‘ring the doorbell with your elbows?’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So throw it away? You are under no obligation to keep the food. The person who brought it thought they were being a good guest and now you come here to whine. If hosting when you revive extra (and good) food stresses you out to the point you’re talking about it days later, then maybe hosting isn’t for you.

+1. This is so not a big deal. Throw it away if you don’t want it. Give it to your neighbors or take it to work. Lots of options.

They were trying to be nice. If this stresses you out so much, stop hosting parties.

[Anonymous]

This a control thing. OP thinks any extra food or drink is an indictment of her menu.

It's not, OP. It's just being polite.

[Anonymous]

Agree - having extra food is a high class problem to have. Its rude to show up with nothing!

Too much leftover? Send items home with guests, eat them, or, donate to homeless or toss. So many options, but you choose to complain?

[Anonymous]

OP, yes it may be annoying but you do realize this is a first world problem. Too much food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, yes it may be annoying but you do realize this is a first world problem. Too much food.

Right, but that's part of why this bothers people like me and OP so much--why don't you get that? It's horribly wasteful to bring food that you know to be extraneous because the host asked you not to bring anything! You're piling food on top of all that your host has already provided. If OP is like me, she had a bountiful menu that was meant to offer an array of choices that all complement one another.

I hate this at the holidays, too, OP. Even with Thanksgiving, when people ask what they can bring and I "assign" them something specific--let's say corn bread muffins--and they show up with that AND two kinds of pie? Well, let's put that next to the three pies I already baked, and look, Sally Jean also brought a pie in addition to the veggie tray I did ask her to bring. So now we've got five pies, a cake, and cookies. And only six adults.

The whole reason I personally get miffed about that is BECAUSE it is a first world problem--too much food!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, yes it may be annoying but you do realize this is a first world problem. Too much food.

Right, but that's part of why this bothers people like me and OP so much--why don't you get that? It's horribly wasteful to bring food that you know to be extraneous because the host asked you not to bring anything! You're piling food on top of all that your host has already provided. If OP is like me, she had a bountiful menu that was meant to offer an array of choices that all complement one another.

I hate this at the holidays, too, OP. Even with Thanksgiving, when people ask what they can bring and I "assign" them something specific--let's say corn bread muffins--and they show up with that AND two kinds of pie? Well, let's put that next to the three pies I already baked, and look, Sally Jean also brought a pie in addition to the veggie tray I did ask her to bring. So now we've got five pies, a cake, and cookies. And only six adults.

The whole reason I personally get miffed about that is BECAUSE it is a first world problem--too much food!

Oops, I'm clearly bad at math--that would be six pies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wrong, OP.
The guest was kind and generous.

Haven’t you ever heard, ‘ring the doorbell with your elbows?’

I like that!

[Anonymous]

I hope those of you who routinely show up with extra food (and no, I'm not talking about hostess gifts--things that don't require immediate attention or usage at the party) will at least see that not everyone sees this as welcome, or generous. At least understand that different perspectives exist on this topic.

How about:

"Can we bring anything?"

"Just yourselves!"

"I've been craving Old Bay shrimp--would you mind if I brought a pound?"

THEN, we can all get on the same page, and the host can either say "sounds great" or "actually, I already will have a bunch of shrimp, so please don't bother."

[Anonymous]

However, sometimes when people asked, "Just bring yourselves" they don't truly mean it. I have a neighbor who always have big events and socials throughout the year. Even though people come empty handed because she requested it she goes off behind closed doors about how greedy people are. Since I'm close to her I know to bring something. She complains after each event how much money she spent on food, decoration, music. etc., but the ingrates didn't bother to bring a dish to share. At the Fourth of July gathering she was angry because no one bought a dish besides me. She even made an announcement during her toast that I was the only one that offered to help her. I felt bad for the other guests.

I was raised that it is rude to show up at someone's house empty handed. I always bring something to share because behind closed doors I don't want anyone complaining that I'm taking advantage of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:However, sometimes when people asked, "Just bring yourselves" they don't truly mean it. I have a neighbor who always have big events and socials throughout the year. Even though people come empty handed because she requested it she goes off behind closed doors about how greedy people are. Since I'm close to her I know to bring something. She complains after each event how much money she spent on food, decoration, music. etc., but the ingrates didn't bother to bring a dish to share. At the Fourth of July gathering she was angry because no one bought a dish besides me. She even made an announcement during her toast that I was the only one that offered to help her. I felt bad for the other guests.

I was raised that it is rude to show up at someone's house empty handed. I always bring something to share because behind closed doors I don't want anyone complaining that I'm taking advantage of them.

Surely you realize this “friend” of yours is an odd outlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, yes it may be annoying but you do realize this is a first world problem. Too much food.

Right, but that's part of why this bothers people like me and OP so much--why don't you get that? It's horribly wasteful to bring food that you know to be extraneous because the host asked you not to bring anything! You're piling food on top of all that your host has already provided. If OP is like me, she had a bountiful menu that was meant to offer an array of choices that all complement one another.

I hate this at the holidays, too, OP. Even with Thanksgiving, when people ask what they can bring and I "assign" them something specific--let's say corn bread muffins--and they show up with that AND two kinds of pie? Well, let's put that next to the three pies I already baked, and look, Sally Jean also brought a pie in addition to the veggie tray I did ask her to bring. So now we've got five pies, a cake, and cookies. And only six adults.

The whole reason I personally get miffed about that is BECAUSE it is a first world problem--too much food!

I agree with this. It just becomes too much. Not to mention the fact that if I spent a lot of time making something, I want people to eat it!