Would you let your 13 year old travel internationally with another family for a month?

[Anonymous]

Yes and no.

We are foreigners ourselves and my children have traveled to Europe and Asia with us.

However, not China!

He has a lethal peanut allergy and in many areas of China, they automatically put peanuts on the table as snacks, and have peanuts in multiple dishes. I would be extremely concerned about contamination of supposedly non-peanut dishes. An Epipen is not life-saving in certain circumstances.

[Anonymous]

It completely depends on your relationship with the other parents. I have a 13 yo DD. There are two families I’d let her do this with, her other friends’ parents—no. I don’t know/don’t trust them well enough to make good decisions in my absence.
My DD would be fine with the distance,culture difference and time away. She’s mature enough.

[Anonymous]

I’d absolutely let my child go. My friend came with my family to Morocco when we were 14. We had a wonderful month of exploring! Way more “developing” than China.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d absolutely let my child go. My friend came with my family to Morocco when we were 14. We had a wonderful month of exploring! Way more “developing” than China.

Your ignorance is showing. Go and educate yourself about China.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d absolutely let my child go. My friend came with my family to Morocco when we were 14. We had a wonderful month of exploring! Way more “developing” than China.

Your ignorance is showing. Go and educate yourself about China.

Morocco is poorer than large parts of China and Morocco also has cultural issues I'd be slightly more uncomfortable with than in China.

OP. we are an expat family living in the Middle East and lived in Hong Kong in the past. I only mention this to indicate that we've seen a lot of the world. I'd be ok with a 13 year old kid spending three weeks in China (plus a week in Japan) with good friends of the family that I trusted. Just stay on top of the health requirements. China is pretty safe internally, especially as long as you spend all your time with a well off Chinese family. Shanghai is very westernized, especially in the old French Concession area. At your son's age I would have been thrilled to have had this opportunity because I loved travelling and seeing new places. Other types of kids wouldn't enjoy it at all, but it seems like your son is serious about this opportunity given the presentation he made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband spent time when he was a young teen with his best friend’s Chinese family for six weeks in China. It was a wonderful experience for him. It sparked an interest (and career) in Asia. Only you know how we your child will handle the potential culture shock, the reliance on the family for communication, being far from friends and family and the familiar. For some kids this is possible, others are not ready. He should be prepared for some potentially tough days and possibly feeling a bit isolated. Getting a child interested in Asia is a huge plus. It’s the future.

+1

Really depends on your kid and the family. How well do you know them? Is your kid ready for a month away from mom and dad? Has he done overnight camps before? Spent extended time away with other family? While mom is at the conference who is in charge?

Under the right circumstances, I could see allowing my 13 yo do this, but that's a really individualized decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS 13 will be a freshman next year.

He has a good friend whose parents are from China and his friend and his mother go to China to visit family every summer.
They have invited DS to go with them—it would be a month long trip including Shanghai, another large city in China, and a week in Japan while the mom attends a professional conference.

The boys made a presentation with an itinerary (visiting family, historical and cultural sites, amusement parks, etc.). We had been thinking he was too young for a big trip like this without a parent but it really does seem like it would be a great experience. Of he doesn’t go this summer he could probably go in a year or two, and I’m thinking that he might get more out of it when he’s older. He has never travelled internationally before.

Thoughts? Anything we should consider? It will probably be around $3000.

Does your 13-year-old have that kind of money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS 13 will be a freshman next year.

He has a good friend whose parents are from China and his friend and his mother go to China to visit family every summer.
They have invited DS to go with them—it would be a month long trip including Shanghai, another large city in China, and a week in Japan while the mom attends a professional conference.

The boys made a presentation with an itinerary (visiting family, historical and cultural sites, amusement parks, etc.). We had been thinking he was too young for a big trip like this without a parent but it really does seem like it would be a great experience. Of he doesn’t go this summer he could probably go in a year or two, and I’m thinking that he might get more out of it when he’s older. He has never travelled internationally before.

Thoughts? Anything we should consider? It will probably be around $3000.

So a male parent will be going on the trip? Much of DCUM will tell you that means the trip is too dangerous - 50% chance he could be a molester waiting to pounce!

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

Assuming he really really wants to go (sounds like it) and you trust the parents etc. -- I'd say 1-2 weeks max, NOT a whole month. A month is a really long time to be with someone else's family and presumably extended family where you're the outsider and don't speak the language. Plus I know he has his friend there but what if he and friend aren't getting along when they have to live with each other 24-7? I imagine they'll have a great time with each other for 3-5 days and then what if they tire of each other? Well if it's only a 7-10 day trip, he toughs out 2-5 more days and is back AND friend gets some of his relaxing trip with HIS family without having to worry about entertaining your DS.

Sounds like the trip has multiple parts -- Shanghai; another city in China (is it a major developed city?); and Tokyo. Depending on how long they're staying why not allow him to do Shanghai and then fly back (or if that'd only be a handful of days -- Shanghai + other city but then he flies back before Tokyo)? You'd have to do it in such a way as to not inconvenienced the family. I.E. if day 10 falls exactly when they are in the other city far from an international airport, then I think it's unreasonable to expect that they get your 13 yr old back to Shanghai so he can fly home -- so then maybe he flies back to the US when they are already going to be in a major city to go to Tokyo; or maybe he just does Shanghai with them and leaves from there and doesn't go to city #2.

Major developing world/China issue -- how is your DS with food? Will he eat everything the family will eat or will he starve the whole time and/or is he thinking -- NBD China has McDonalds; bc while China has those things, these are massively large cities and he can't expect that people will drive 1 hr+ to get him McDs bc he won't eat local food. Honestly I'd worry about the food situation the most -- will they be eating in family homes or eating out? Cleanliness of eating out etc. I'd talk to the other mom about that. Could be that she will feed her own DS as a tourist (no raw fruits/vegetables etc.) bc it's not like he's been born and raised in China - so she'd treat your DS the same. If OTOH her attitude is -- nah, when in Rome, the boys will adjust . . . then I'd say NO; your DS doesn't have local immunities.

[Anonymous]

Op I had a friend in almost this exact situation 3 years ago. Same ages/ same story. They let him go and it was much harder on him than anticipated. In the end, he had a good time but there were many hours of tears on the phone.

[Anonymous]

Nope, absolutely not. Nor would I ever invite another 13 yo on our family trip.

[Anonymous]

No, because of the language barrier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, because of the language barrier.

I wouldn't rule it out because of the language, but this is a good point I am surprised no one has brought up. Some questions:
1. Does your son speak Chinese?
2. Does the family that they will be visiting with speak any English?

If no, is your son okay with lots and lots of time spent with people who don't speak the same language as him and thus, he will not be able to understand/participate in the conversation? I studied abroad in China for 4 months and had a Mandarin minor, so four years of high school + 3 semesters of college Mandarin classes and even that was a bit of a struggle adjusting to the language. Going away from home for a month at 13 I think would be difficult for most kids, to a place where you understand none of the language? Forget about it.

[Anonymous]

Yes! No allergies and we’d get necessary vaccinations. As long as the parents speak English, I’d have no issues with language barrier in the country.