Invite (step)dd's mom? cancel trip?

[Anonymous]

My son spends 2 solid weeks with his dad every summer (x2), and has spent an entire month with his dad. He’s 9, and has been doing this since he was 5.

Step dd’s mom is being massively overprotective and needs to let DD spend more time away from her.

[Anonymous]

Why can't mom come on day 7 and stay through 12? That way you guys get a week alone and she is there for the longer part that worries her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I thought I would post an update. Last night I called DD's mom and explained how sorry we were to bring it up in front of her but we hadn't assumed it would be an issue and how much of an oversight that was. I also invited her to "shadow" us and we could all make a vacation out of it. She really reacted positively to that idea and said that sounds like a win/win and we hung up on good terms. She then texted me this morning explaining how that was a really nice offer but work wise its not a good time of year for her to take off. She said that she appreciates the gesture and will most likely let DD come with us after we work a few details out (mainly referring to a certain equestrian camp/ working out dates.). So Im thinking this is heading towards a positive direction. I love being a step mom but there is no handbook and there are a lot of muddy waters. I really just try and do my best and not offend anyone. Its hard because I also want my kids to have various experiences and it seems keeping everything equal is a must but thats not something I can always control. Thanks for all the responses.

That's awesome. Having her tag along sounds terrible, frankly, but you made the gesture, and her mom is coming around to a situation she likely would have agreed to had she been approached respectfully first.

Breathe a sigh of relief, and you and DH don't screw up like this again.

Oh Jesus. Screw up like this again. Parents and people screw up all the time. They shared something they were excited about not knowing mom
would have a weird response. Hardly the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

So happy it seems to be positive!

I work for an international organization- and am appalled at all the people who seem to think kids, of any age, can't appreciate the benefits of travel. Italy in particular adores children ... and who knows- maybe the OP has rented a villa or actually made plans taking into consideration the ages of the three kids? I certainly suspect she has!

As someone earlier stated- keep doing you- and what a great example you are showing the 9 year old of how to have constructive conflict, where all the people who love her are trying to reach an agreement so that she can have wonderful experiences!

And FWIW, I believe 9 year olds CAN be separated from their parents for more than a week, especially as this would not be the first time!

[Anonymous]

You and DH made a big mistake and I think you now suffer whatever consequences. You really disrespected her by bringing this up in front of step-daughter. I don't care how inconvenient it is for you now - maybe you've learned an important lesson.

[Anonymous]

It's the disrespect, not the details on # of days and where you're going that's important. You were very disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

OP, you seem like a terrific stepmom. I am glad this is working out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the disrespect, not the details on # of days and where you're going that's important. You were very disrespectful.

Oh please. Some of you are so DRAMATIC.

OP, you and your husband definitely could have handled things a little better, but it is far from the end of the world. If your stepdaughter's mom doesn't want her to go on a trip with her FATHER and his family, then unfortunately it is your stepdaughter's loss.

Glad to hear things worked out.

[Anonymous]

Great update, OP. You sound like a wonderful and thoughtful stepmom.