I am tired of people making fun of the parents of only children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the mom of an only (due to secondary infertility) and I definitely feel judged and left out of things due to having one child, mainly by the cliquey moms at preschool, where we are the only only child family. I know that I'm left out of class get togethers, etc. and I have had so many of the moms ask why "we only have one."

I wouldn't say I've ever "been made fun of" but I definitely feel judged and left out of things. It's sad because having an only was not our choice but it's the way things worked out and I'm trying to make the best of it. And my daughter loves being an only, so that makes me feel better.

I truly don't understand why anybody would care if you only had one child. I think most people would assume fertility issues. No offense but there may be other reasons you're not included in those get-togethers.

[Anonymous]

There does exist a stereotype. Like all stereotypes, it is an unfair generality based on a kernel of truth but unfairly applied to all. The stereotype is that only children are spoiled and smothered and have poor social skills because they never learn to share. I have seen some families who reflect this stereotype and many who don't.

[Anonymous]

Parent of an only. I've never felt made fun of, but I've felt sort of spoken down to. Like, "Oh, you don't understand because you only have one"...not said exactly like that, but close enough.

[Anonymous]

I have never heard people judge parents with only children! What on earth could they possibly say?!

[Anonymous]

only children are spoiled and smothered and have poor social skills

I have an only. He is definitely spoiled in terms of having a lot of toys and us accommodating his many dietary peculiarities. He is not smothered since we both work full time plus and don't have time to smother him. His social skills are pretty good. Lots of kids in our neighborhood and they all hang out together.

[Anonymous]

Why do they judge? Because everyone wants their choices to be validated. Whether you have one child, five kids, or none, everyone likes to think they made the BEST decision.

And something so personal, such as family composition, is deeply emotional. No one wants to admit that they didn't make the ideal choice.

In other words, insecurity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent of an only. I've never felt made fun of, but I've felt sort of spoken down to. Like, "Oh, you don't understand because you only have one"...not said exactly like that, but close enough.

But you DONT understand. I don’t understand what it’s like or what different issues you face because you have different concerns with just one. Your childless friends don’t understand exactly what it’s Lille to have a child- just like you do f understand what it’s like to have several children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of an only. I've never felt made fun of, but I've felt sort of spoken down to. Like, "Oh, you don't understand because you only have one"...not said exactly like that, but close enough.

But you DONT understand. I don’t understand what it’s like or what different issues you face because you have different concerns with just one. Your childless friends don’t understand exactly what it’s Lille to have a child- just like you do f understand what it’s like to have several children.

Just because you haven't experienced something doesn't mean you don't "understand." Maybe the pp has friends or family members with multiples, and has seen how hectic it is juggling more than one kid. Maybe someone with multiple kids understands that parenting one kid can be hard on vacations because there isn't another child for your child to relate to. Blanket statements like "you don't understand..." really are unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never heard this. Do people really do this?

I only judge other parents for being sanctimonious know-it-alls. It doesn't matter how many kids they have.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been told we’re selfish for adopting only one child and depriving him of siblings.

[Anonymous]

Eh, the only times I've seen someone being judged due to the number of children she has were awhen couple of times when (horrible) women found out my friend has zero kids & proceeded to smirk at her & then exclude her from further conversations in a very rude & obvious manner.

I'm sure parents of only children so get judged occasionally but I'm also guessing that the only people who get judged for the number of children they have on anything even approaching a regular basis are those who have no children & those who have enough children to field their own baseball team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of an only. I've never felt made fun of, but I've felt sort of spoken down to. Like, "Oh, you don't understand because you only have one"...not said exactly like that, but close enough.

But you DONT understand. I don’t understand what it’s like or what different issues you face because you have different concerns with just one. Your childless friends don’t understand exactly what it’s Lille to have a child- just like you do f understand what it’s like to have several children.

Just because you haven't experienced something doesn't mean you don't "understand." Maybe the pp has friends or family members with multiples, and has seen how hectic it is juggling more than one kid. Maybe someone with multiple kids understands that parenting one kid can be hard on vacations because there isn't another child for your child to relate to. Blanket statements like "you don't understand..." really are unnecessary.

Maybe. Maybe I lack imagination. When I didn’t have kids I always knew I wanted them but I still didn’t understand what it was actually like. I’m sure OP has experienced the like. THAT DAID I agree with you that it’s unnecessary and undermining to say. I wouldn’t, but I understand what others may mean.

[Anonymous]

Who do you hang out with????
I am part of a neighborhood playgroup (hence members are moms), there are lots of moms at my work, I have lots of mom friends (I'm 40) and never once have I heard it made fun of from them. The only time I've heard a negative comment was from someone who was over 60 and thought "these young women who only have one child are selfish"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the parent of an only child. That was not our plan; we wanted two kids. But my DW had two miscarriages after DD was born. We tried to adopt after the second, but a few months into the process I was diagnosed with metastatic cancer. The social worker we were working with said that it would be disqualifying.

DD is now a HS student. Socially, there are huge disadvantage to being an only child: many of the conflict resolution skills she would have developed with a sibling are undeveloped.

OP here.

I'm sorry for your losses.

We have a large family. It's right for us. That said, there are also disadvantages of being one of several children and the stereotypes, negative and positive, that exist regarding children in large families probably exist for a reason.

I'm guessing your kid probably benefited in many ways from being an only child...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't worry, parents of only children judge those who overpopulate.

Agreed!

Hasn't this been debunked for industrialized nations?