Parental Involvement in College Decision Process

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why should PP care what you, smug anonymous poster, think when it's clear that you pass judgment based on minimal information? You've already demonstrated that you are someone (or people) whose opinions aren't worth taking seriously.

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The level of involvement needs to be high if parents are paying for college. Sadly, I can't easily afford any of the 50K per year or more colleges, so, yes, our involvement was crucial from the financial point of view. Our kids don't qualify for financial aid, but the process is what it is, and even if they think we can afford it, we know we absolutely can't. Does that make me a bad parent? Should I saddle myself with 200K debt, and double it after my second goes to college? I don't think so. Do I want my kid to get a bachelors degree and be saddled with 200K in debt? Also no. I see nothing wrong with our involvement, in this case. If we had that money, then my kids could choose, sadly that is not the reality for most families. So, from that point of view, OP, you sound judgy and high and mighty on your rich pedestal.

Wow, not sure how I came across as high and mighty or rich! As I said in my op my parents were dirt poor, so I was lucky in a way to be in a position to qualify for almost 100% aid (and even luckier to attend a school that decided to eliminate the loan component of aid the year I began). While my husband and I are much better off by comparison, we're by no means wealthy (HHI of ~200,000/year in metro DC). We have prioritized college savings and hope to be able to fully fund our chilrens' undergrad, which is still a few years out, but there's definitely a good chance we'll still come up short.

I guess from my perspective their college funds are a gift that we plan to give them with few strings attached (other than that it must be used for an accredited college/university). i absolutely plan to be very involved in helping them to navigate the process and give advice/work through the options with them (or try to talk them out of a poor decision) , but in my mind at the end of the day it is their choice and I'm not going to put restrictions on where they can or can't go, other than the limit we can contribute. It just doesn't seem fair to me to dictate or restrict my children's options when mine were not, just because we make enough to prevent them from qualifying for aid.

[Anonymous]

^^ You live in a bubble honey. Also you clearly learned zero empathy while in college or thereafter.

[Anonymous]

I'm not going to put restrictions on where they can or can't go, other than the limit we can contribute. It just doesn't seem fair to me to dictate or restrict my children's options when mine were not

Op, it's all good intent. Talk to us when you have a HS senior. Bookmark this discussion and revisit it in a few years. I'll bet, then, it won't seem like this discussion needed to be so contentious.

[Anonymous]

The limit of our involvement has been to say - Look in state and choose in state public schools to apply to. Consider doing a couple of years at a community college and transferring to a 4 year university.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The limit of our involvement has been to say - Look in state and choose in state public schools to apply to. Consider doing a couple of years at a community college and transferring to a 4 year university.


NP here - THank the Lord for Virginia Universities! Got two in them right now and my children are so happy. We turned out to be a donut hole family, so it was either $72K a year for Ivy or $26K a year Wm & Mary or UVA. Bless my kids, they went State!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The limit of our involvement has been to say - Look in state and choose in state public schools to apply to. Consider doing a couple of years at a community college and transferring to a 4 year university.


NP here - THank the Lord for Virginia Universities! Got two in them right now and my children are so happy. We turned out to be a donut hole family, so it was either $72K a year for Ivy or $26K a year Wm & Mary or UVA. Bless my kids, they went State!

Well done, that's an ideal situation and those two colleges are very prestigious.

[Anonymous]

When I went to college, back in the early 80s, my parents picked my college for me. I was ranked 5th in my class at a nationally-ranked public high school in New Jersey. But I really was a shy, immature young lady who was very interested in learning, but not very interested in actual living. I didn't resent at all their involvement, and in fact appreciated it.

It worked out well for me. College helped me grow up. My parents chose well.

I think the amount of parental involvement depends a lot on the kid. Some kids are ready to do most of it themselves. Some would still benefit from very active help from their parents.

All of you know your kids well. Do what seems to be right for that kid, not some hypothetical average kid, or the kid you hoped you had raised.

[Anonymous]

DC is a rising senior and will go to the school that costs the least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At $70k/year? Damn right i’m Involved.

Yep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids have a trust for education but I would not, for example, allow them to go to a military academy or a school well known for partying. You want my support? You follow my rules. It's that simple.

+1. And I plus one you as an alum of a party school. Had fun and did fine, but such a major regret. I was naive and didn't know any better, just followed friends to college with no real input from family.

It doesn't sound very nice to be a kid in that house. Are they allowed any input into how they do anything, or is it always my way or the high way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The level of involvement needs to be high if parents are paying for college. Sadly, I can't easily afford any of the 50K per year or more colleges, so, yes, our involvement was crucial from the financial point of view. Our kids don't qualify for financial aid, but the process is what it is, and even if they think we can afford it, we know we absolutely can't. Does that make me a bad parent? Should I saddle myself with 200K debt, and double it after my second goes to college? I don't think so. Do I want my kid to get a bachelors degree and be saddled with 200K in debt? Also no. I see nothing wrong with our involvement, in this case. If we had that money, then my kids could choose, sadly that is not the reality for most families. So, from that point of view, OP, you sound judgy and high and mighty on your rich pedestal.

Wow, not sure how I came across as high and mighty or rich! As I said in my op my parents were dirt poor, so I was lucky in a way to be in a position to qualify for almost 100% aid (and even luckier to attend a school that decided to eliminate the loan component of aid the year I began). While my husband and I are much better off by comparison, we're by no means wealthy (HHI of ~200,000/year in metro DC). We have prioritized college savings and hope to be able to fully fund our chilrens' undergrad, which is still a few years out, but there's definitely a good chance we'll still come up short.

I guess from my perspective their college funds are a gift that we plan to give them with few strings attached (other than that it must be used for an accredited college/university). i absolutely plan to be very involved in helping them to navigate the process and give advice/work through the options with them (or try to talk them out of a poor decision) , but in my mind at the end of the day it is their choice and I'm not going to put restrictions on where they can or can't go, other than the limit we can contribute. It just doesn't seem fair to me to dictate or restrict my children's options when mine were not, just because we make enough to prevent them from qualifying for aid.

I went back and read what you wrote and I don't see how you come across as such either.

I agree that in the end, within a few parameters, it is ultimately the child's choice. Our DS is a HS senior and just last week committed to an out of state school. Although we visited two schools during the fall of his junior year, we started to look at schools he was interested in during the spring. We discussed with him his thoughts about interests, school size, and of course cost and made it clear how much we will be able to contribute. Our HHI is ~20k less than yours, but we didn't write off any school simply because of the "sticker price" or because it wasn't in-state or was private. Contrary to what some will post, not all schools will cost you $70k/year. He did most of the narrowing down based on the size of the school, majors offered and whether or not they had the sport he wants to continue (this last one helped to weed out many quite quickly). All along we have guided and supported without pushing.

In the end he chose an out of state public. I don't know why people automatically write-off OOS schools. It can't hurt to look. Some schools offer regional rates or substantial reductions for "high achieving students" with SATs over a certain number. In our case the tuition next year will be ~$11k (due to discounted tuition of $5,700 based on SAT score). Of course there are fees, room and board on top of that but you pay that in state as well.