Parental Involvement in College Decision Process

[Anonymous]

sometimes parent involvement is essential, in kickstarting the process. I was getting frustrated in November a few years ago, my DC still hadn't come up with a final list of schools, A friend of DC's said "It's too much information, it's paralyzing"
So I came up with a list of 50 schools, and DC picked a dozen off that list
I plan to be involved, because there are things which matter to me, and which a teen might overlook
public transportation? check
hospital nearby? check
campus housing? not always, so that has to be budgeted in
decent retention/graduation rate? check

[Anonymous]

What decent college doesn’t have a hospital nearby?

[Anonymous]

When DC mentioned certain attributes we had the knowledge, often, to guide. That took research. For a lot of parents it's a real thrill. It's a short time to gain a lot of knowledge and have something very relateable to discuss with DC

[Anonymous]

List of 50 schools. We did that too! DC wanted a large public. We knew the flagships and could listed 50 out-of-state we were willing to pay for. We said, " do your research and we suggest you choose 10 to apply to". If you want to inform us of others, we can discuss ..

[Anonymous]

My parents vetoed colleges when I was applying decades ago. It pissed me off, but I was happy where I ended up. Still, it bugs me to this day that their choices were based on their view of me as their little girl rather than as a young adult.

My DC is applying now (well, has applied to one place ED and has a list of others), and his first choice is not one I love for him, but it's objectively fine, so I am shutting up.

[Anonymous]

We did a lot of the legwork to identify schools based on criteria established by DC. (Unlike many teenage boys, he has a very specific major and preferred setting in mind.) Other than riding him a bit to get essays written and apps completed, the rest is on him. Assuming we can afford it, the choice will be all his as well.

[Anonymous]

I did my own college search without parental input, but it was ridiculously easy: Harvard, Wharton, Berkeley (where I was guaranteed a spot). Got into all of them; no FA. My parents had gone to college PT at night. No experience with selective admissions or residential campuses. My Dad did know Harvard and Wharton grads, so that shaped his opinions. Mom had had profs from Harvard and Columbia so that shaped hers. MBAs and PhDs, though— not undergrads, and maybe one of each.

It’d be insane to do what I did then today (without a guaranteed in-state option) and my DC has a parent who is an academic, so it’s a different ball game. And, as a family, we all research major decisions to death, with who does the heavy-lifting a function more of time/interest/efficiency than of who will ultimately make the choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did my own college search without parental input, but it was ridiculously easy: Harvard, Wharton, Berkeley (where I was guaranteed a spot). Got into all of them; no FA. My parents had gone to college PT at night. No experience with selective admissions or residential campuses. My Dad did know Harvard and Wharton grads, so that shaped his opinions. Mom had had profs from Harvard and Columbia so that shaped hers. MBAs and PhDs, though— not undergrads, and maybe one of each.

It’d be insane to do what I did then today (without a guaranteed in-state option) and my DC has a parent who is an academic, so it’s a different ball game. And, as a family, we all research major decisions to death, with who does the heavy-lifting a function more of time/interest/efficiency than of who will ultimately make the choice.

SO VERY TRUE - the first part for everyone, and the second part for my family

[Anonymous]

My kids are in ES. They will have a list of colleges they can apply to - which we can afford. End of story. They will not be eligible for FA and we are unable to fund two kids at the same time to an Ivy @ $140k per year + inflation x 4 years + grad school.

We will tour some colleges when they are in MS, as I did when I was in MS, just to get a sense of the college atmosphere.

And they are in academic programs designed to increase their chances at Canadian universities which require French.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What decent college doesn’t have a hospital nearby?

There are some that are in pretty rural locations and with limited hospital facilities. Some kids have health issues that may require being near a major hospital. That turned out to be the case for one of mine and luckily he is at a university with a leading hospital so it worked out. Of course we did not know that when we were looking at colleges so it wasn't a selection factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in ES. They will have a list of colleges they can apply to - which we can afford. End of story. They will not be eligible for FA and we are unable to fund two kids at the same time to an Ivy @ $140k per year + inflation x 4 years + grad school.

We will tour some colleges when they are in MS, as I did when I was in MS, just to get a sense of the college atmosphere.

And they are in academic programs designed to increase their chances at Canadian universities which require French.

So short-sighted. Your short list of "parent-approved" affordable colleges will omit many great schools that would throw merit money at qualified students. If your kids are average, then your plan is the way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids have a trust for education but I would not, for example, allow them to go to a military academy or a school well known for partying. You want my support? You follow my rules. It's that simple.

So glad you are not my parent for many reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I was just like you in that my parents didn't pay anything for my college and were not at all involved except to drop me off and pick me up freshman year (I think I got rides after that). I worked three jobs to make ends meet and wished I had parents who could have helped me more but I had many younger siblings and they just couldn't.

Fast forward to now and I have one in college and one getting ready. We pay full tuition and are very involved in our childrens' lives and decisions and we give them a lot of support both financially and otherwise. I toured and discussed many colleges with my oldest before she decided on her own path but I'm sure my influence was strong and helped her see some of the strengths and weaknesses of the places we visited. I would never make her attend a school she didn't like but since I know her better than almost anyone I am pretty qualified to help her find a good fit. She was happy for the support and is thrilled with her choice. Now that she's away at school we talk to her once a week and text a few times in between but don't control her every move because we know she's in a place where she can thrive.

Parental involvement can be a good thing when it's healthy.

+1. Very well said.

My parent's didn't pay for my college either and weren't involved at all. Never stepped foot on my college campus, never helped me decide on classes to take, didn't discussed majors and careers, etc.

But with my kids, I'm definitely involved. I'm paying for the bulk of it and the stakes are higher. When I went to UMD, tuition was only about $4K for the entire year. You could change majors, you could go an extra year, and it didn't break the bank. You also could get well-paying jobs with many majors. Much tougher now.

But just because I'm paying doesn't mean I dictate. But I do hope I'm opening up a lot more opportunities for my kids than I had. There are some colleges I want my kids to consider and explore, and there are colleges they want to explore. We're looking for a good fit for their goals, personalities, strengths.

[Anonymous]

My parents' involvement in my college selection was to suggest a couple schools they wanted me to consider (schools my dad liked to recruit from) and to tell me what they could afford to pay for. I ended up at an in-state public that was very affordable and my dad's favorite recruiting school.

My kids will also have a budget to work with -- going into debt is not an option -- and will need to apply to in-state publics but can also apply to other places that interest them, with the caveat that those schools will have to offer merit aid to bring down the cost to match public in-state cost. I expect DS will need some guidance and he and I will work together on the research while DD will likely be a lot more independent. She also already has a very focused interest so it will likely be easier for her to ID appropriate schools.

[Anonymous]

I cannot imagine why a parent would not want to be involved in what is one of the most important decisions their child will make and one of the last ones you will likely get to be involved with. Would you let them buy a car with your money without your involvement? Or a house? But it is also a fun process, researching schools, talking about them and your kid's interests, visiting schools, it is a great experience and something to experience together. Parents can clearly go too far but I think it would be just as bad to drop out of the process or just occasionally pat them on the head for getting an app in. I think if you let them do all the work you are also likely to find that they will mimic their friends, many of whom had their parents' involved, so you would be deferring to the parents of others.