Does APS have a duty of care to move a child if situation in current school untenable?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think a low SES school would actually be better and more accepting...more diversity means accepting all types of diversity among students.

Another Poster. I disagree.

I'm a little concerned about OP's statements that the comments were "hideous but innocent."

I am sympathetic, OP, but it sounds like this is not a case of bullying--which puts a different spin on this issue. Bullying is usually not innocent.

It's hard to figure out the situation from what you have said. If it is just that you have a non-traditional family, that is one thing. If your child does not fit a traditional model, that is another issue.

If the comments are truly innocent, I think you are going to have to face the issue head on with your child. You should request the help of the school, but I am not sure changing schools would get a different result.

Now, if it is bullying--then, a school change might be better. Nevertheless, I think you have to work with your child to understand that you have a different living situation from most, but that you are a family and that is fine--just different.

Unfortunately, part of this is that all kids want to be accepted, and they frequently think (erroneously) that being the same as everyone else is acceptance. Certainly, being different may make it more difficult, but it should not. Different does not mean worse. It only means different.

OP HERE- I keep forgetting to say that, hope clear in other responses. I definitely would not call it "bullying" in the real sense. Kids are young, don't understand and ask questions and put forward hypotheses my child finds extremely embarrassing to field and is too young to explain even with the coaching we have given. Some comments sound mean to my child but when they explain the context to me I can understand other child's misunderstandings and misperceptions.
And yes, it is this yearning to be not be different yet knowing they can do nothing about being different and being too young to understand why that is causing the pain. Direct quote " I dont know how to be happy being xxx". I want to go to heaven because I know I'll always be happy there." Or " Okay parent, I don't want to kill myself ( when I'm in tears over child saying they want to do just that) , I just don't want to be here anymore."

There are no words to describe the pain we, as parents, feel for dearest child who can't help their situation.

Is your child still in private therapy?

I admit, I'm having trouble understanding this situation. I appreciate you want your privacy I won't argue with that, but I'm also having a hard time imagining how your situation can be so unique that none of the children in your child's current school would have the vaguest understanding of it, yet there are enough similarly situated children in a choice program that your child could be moved there and wouldn't feel "different."

Think. What students might not be at a school like Jamestown, except for in the Pre-K class(es). Think really hard. I'm sure you'll get to it eventually.

I think if it were as simple as OP's child being a racial minority, OP wouldn't have spun a yarn about how it's such a deeply complex issue with many twists and turns.

It can't be racial minority based on what OP says:

We are in a very unique situation- hence my reluctance to discuss. The closedt I can give is same sex couple (and much much more complicated but I'll leave it there for now) and school has no others.

There are no schools in APS with only one racial minority student.

I also doubt it's an issue of the student being transgender because of what OP says here:

School admits they are remiss in this area but are taking/will be taking steps to address. How? By ensuring more "diversity" at the pre-k level were there is a choice in whom they admit.

I doubt APS is finding enough transgender preschoolers that they can try to create a more diverse student population on this point through preschool admissions.

False. When you take out the Pre-K students, there is at least one school that fits this profile.

Which schools would that be? This is the chart breaking down the population of each school by racial group for last school year, K-12 only. Preschool isn't counted here. There is not a single school that had only one minority student. The highest % white any APS school last year was Jamestown, 81.7% white.

https://www.apsva.us/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Civil-Rights-Table-1-2016-11-30-web.pdf

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I can't give too many details because I'm considering lawyering up. I just wanted to understand if and to what extent APS has a duty to transfer child if their current school is causing such misery as to make the child wish they were dead. Is the duty, if it exists, limited to just finding the child a different school or must they also ensure other things such as very good academics which exist in the current school is available in the transfer school?

Is someone has any references, I'd be most grateful

I can't imagine what you mean op. All of APS has excellent academics. That shouldn't be a consideration for transfer.

APS has some good elementary schools, one or two good middle schools, and no excellent high schools.

Let me guess, you highly recommend moving to McLean.

McLean (Langley) has their own tragedy, sadly. It does NO child any good to try to "hush it up".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you moved from DC to the suburbs, and to a wealthy school, all in search of "excellent academics" for an early elementary schooler.

But once you got there, you realized that the rich kids weren't particularly kind, nor particularly worldly about different families, cultures, etc?

Yeah. That's why most of us avoid the suburbs. This is a known problem, and fairly predictable.

x100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you mentioned your child was seeing a private therapist, what is the therapist's recommendation for how to proceed here?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you mentioned your child was seeing a private therapist, what is the therapist's recommendation for how to proceed here?

+1

Given that OP hasn't acknowledged this question even though it's been asked more than once, I suspect either the child is no longer seeing a therapist (in which case part of the answer here may be to get the child back into therapy to help develop coping skills), or the therapist doesn't agree that transferring schools is necessary or helpful.