Wife very much dislikes my family

[Anonymous]

So why haven't you stood up to your mom and explained that wife doesn't like random drop-bys, etc?

And why wouldn't you be there when your mom sees your kid? That is your job first and foremost. Your wife doesn't need to hang out with her MIL without you if the relationship just isn't there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife seems to lack manners. No big deal that MIL came by announanced, she is your mom and this announcing is beyond me. I don't understand why your wife dislikes your family though, there must be some reason. Are you very young, both of you? Are you putting your mom and dad first and last, and your wife is annoyed by your lack of effort to show her that you are her husbands and not just your parent's kid. If she feels that they come first to you, that would annoy the heck out of me and in that case resentment would be towards you and your family. Think back and see how you act in your marriage, if answer is that you will drop anything as soon as your parents call, then you know the problem. If that is not the case, ask your wife, why does she dislike your parental family. Just ask.

Please explain how the wife is lacking in manners. All we know is that the mother drove by and was told that the son was sleeping. Wife didn't ignore the mother, nor did she tell her to f*&k off. She didn't call her names. Supposedly the child could be seen from the window, but still don't know if the wife knew the child wasn't sleeping.

How was the wife rude?

She was rude by not inviting her MIL inside. That is a first rule of polite behavior. Even if MIL showed up unannounced, you invite friends and family in. That is how she was rude. You don't set boundaries at that moment. Excuse that kid was sleeping was lame, even if the kids was sleeping. Just how rude is our society becoming?

Anytime a person makes unannounced visits, it's always possible that the people that s/he wants to visits might be unavailable. Maybe they're out, busy/already have plans, or simply don't want to have people over on that day (which is perfectly legitimate). The MIL choose to make a surprise visit, it shouldn't have surprised her that her DIL and grandson were unavailable. The DW was not obligated to accommodate her MIL if she couldn't or didn't want to.

If the MIL wanted to be absolutely sure that she would able to see her grandson, then she should have called ahead and arranged a visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From what you've posted, I see no evidence that your DW dislikes your family as much as she likes healthy boundaries. She was very appropriate when your mother did the drive by.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife seems to lack manners. No big deal that MIL came by announanced, she is your mom and this announcing is beyond me. I don't understand why your wife dislikes your family though, there must be some reason. Are you very young, both of you? Are you putting your mom and dad first and last, and your wife is annoyed by your lack of effort to show her that you are her husbands and not just your parent's kid. If she feels that they come first to you, that would annoy the heck out of me and in that case resentment would be towards you and your family. Think back and see how you act in your marriage, if answer is that you will drop anything as soon as your parents call, then you know the problem. If that is not the case, ask your wife, why does she dislike your parental family. Just ask.

Please explain how the wife is lacking in manners. All we know is that the mother drove by and was told that the son was sleeping. Wife didn't ignore the mother, nor did she tell her to f*&k off. She didn't call her names. Supposedly the child could be seen from the window, but still don't know if the wife knew the child wasn't sleeping.

How was the wife rude?

She was rude by not inviting her MIL inside. That is a first rule of polite behavior. Even if MIL showed up unannounced, you invite friends and family in. That is how she was rude. You don't set boundaries at that moment. Excuse that kid was sleeping was lame, even if the kids was sleeping. Just how rude is our society becoming?

Nope. There is no excuse whatsoever for her not to have called first rather than just drop by randomly. She was rude and inconsiderate and Op's wife stood her ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife seems to lack manners. No big deal that MIL came by announanced, she is your mom and this announcing is beyond me. I don't understand why your wife dislikes your family though, there must be some reason. Are you very young, both of you? Are you putting your mom and dad first and last, and your wife is annoyed by your lack of effort to show her that you are her husbands and not just your parent's kid. If she feels that they come first to you, that would annoy the heck out of me and in that case resentment would be towards you and your family. Think back and see how you act in your marriage, if answer is that you will drop anything as soon as your parents call, then you know the problem. If that is not the case, ask your wife, why does she dislike your parental family. Just ask.

Please explain how the wife is lacking in manners. All we know is that the mother drove by and was told that the son was sleeping. Wife didn't ignore the mother, nor did she tell her to f*&k off. She didn't call her names. Supposedly the child could be seen from the window, but still don't know if the wife knew the child wasn't sleeping.

How was the wife rude?

She was rude by not inviting her MIL inside. That is a first rule of polite behavior. Even if MIL showed up unannounced, you invite friends and family in. That is how she was rude. You don't set boundaries at that moment. Excuse that kid was sleeping was lame, even if the kids was sleeping. Just how rude is our society becoming?

Nope. There is no excuse whatsoever for her not to have called first rather than just drop by randomly. She was rude and inconsiderate and Op's wife stood her ground.

If MIL really was driving by and saw the wife outside, and I have no reason to believe she didn't, that's a little different than a premeditated pop up. It was more like a coincidence, like seeing a neighbor across the street and going to speak to them. No one would call that rude or inconsiderate, I'd hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents and siblings all get together on Sundays. That's always been the tradition. Forced Sunday plans drive DW crazy. Just an example of personality difference.

Every Sunday? If you work that is a lot of time - 50% of your days off every week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife seems to lack manners. No big deal that MIL came by announanced, she is your mom and this announcing is beyond me. I don't understand why your wife dislikes your family though, there must be some reason. Are you very young, both of you? Are you putting your mom and dad first and last, and your wife is annoyed by your lack of effort to show her that you are her husbands and not just your parent's kid. If she feels that they come first to you, that would annoy the heck out of me and in that case resentment would be towards you and your family. Think back and see how you act in your marriage, if answer is that you will drop anything as soon as your parents call, then you know the problem. If that is not the case, ask your wife, why does she dislike your parental family. Just ask.

Please explain how the wife is lacking in manners. All we know is that the mother drove by and was told that the son was sleeping. Wife didn't ignore the mother, nor did she tell her to f*&k off. She didn't call her names. Supposedly the child could be seen from the window, but still don't know if the wife knew the child wasn't sleeping.

How was the wife rude?

She was rude by not inviting her MIL inside. That is a first rule of polite behavior. Even if MIL showed up unannounced, you invite friends and family in. That is how she was rude. You don't set boundaries at that moment. Excuse that kid was sleeping was lame, even if the kids was sleeping. Just how rude is our society becoming?

Anytime a person makes unannounced visits, it's always possible that the people that s/he wants to visits might be unavailable. Maybe they're out, busy/already have plans, or simply don't want to have people over on that day (which is perfectly legitimate). The MIL choose to make a surprise visit, it shouldn't have surprised her that her DIL and grandson were unavailable. The DW was not obligated to accommodate her MIL if she couldn't or didn't want to.

If the MIL wanted to be absolutely sure that she would able to see her grandson, then she should have called ahead and arranged a visit.

+1

[Anonymous]

The real question is, has your mother learned that she'd better schedule a visit next time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife seems to lack manners. No big deal that MIL came by announanced, she is your mom and this announcing is beyond me. I don't understand why your wife dislikes your family though, there must be some reason. Are you very young, both of you? Are you putting your mom and dad first and last, and your wife is annoyed by your lack of effort to show her that you are her husbands and not just your parent's kid. If she feels that they come first to you, that would annoy the heck out of me and in that case resentment would be towards you and your family. Think back and see how you act in your marriage, if answer is that you will drop anything as soon as your parents call, then you know the problem. If that is not the case, ask your wife, why does she dislike your parental family. Just ask.

Please explain how the wife is lacking in manners. All we know is that the mother drove by and was told that the son was sleeping. Wife didn't ignore the mother, nor did she tell her to f*&k off. She didn't call her names. Supposedly the child could be seen from the window, but still don't know if the wife knew the child wasn't sleeping.

How was the wife rude?

She was rude by not inviting her MIL inside. That is a first rule of polite behavior. Even if MIL showed up unannounced, you invite friends and family in. That is how she was rude. You don't set boundaries at that moment. Excuse that kid was sleeping was lame, even if the kids was sleeping. Just how rude is our society becoming?

Nope. There is no excuse whatsoever for her not to have called first rather than just drop by randomly. She was rude and inconsiderate and Op's wife stood her ground.

If MIL really was driving by and saw the wife outside, and I have no reason to believe she didn't, that's a little different than a premeditated pop up. It was more like a coincidence, like seeing a neighbor across the street and going to speak to them. No one would call that rude or inconsiderate, I'd hope.

I agree- a genuine coincidence is different than a premeditated pop-up. But at the same time, it's not rude for the wife to decline an unannounced visit regardless of whether it was coincidental or premeditated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife seems to lack manners. No big deal that MIL came by announanced, she is your mom and this announcing is beyond me. I don't understand why your wife dislikes your family though, there must be some reason. Are you very young, both of you? Are you putting your mom and dad first and last, and your wife is annoyed by your lack of effort to show her that you are her husbands and not just your parent's kid. If she feels that they come first to you, that would annoy the heck out of me and in that case resentment would be towards you and your family. Think back and see how you act in your marriage, if answer is that you will drop anything as soon as your parents call, then you know the problem. If that is not the case, ask your wife, why does she dislike your parental family. Just ask.

Please explain how the wife is lacking in manners. All we know is that the mother drove by and was told that the son was sleeping. Wife didn't ignore the mother, nor did she tell her to f*&k off. She didn't call her names. Supposedly the child could be seen from the window, but still don't know if the wife knew the child wasn't sleeping.

How was the wife rude?

She was rude by not inviting her MIL inside. That is a first rule of polite behavior. Even if MIL showed up unannounced, you invite friends and family in. That is how she was rude. You don't set boundaries at that moment. Excuse that kid was sleeping was lame, even if the kids was sleeping. Just how rude is our society becoming?

Nope. There is no excuse whatsoever for her not to have called first rather than just drop by randomly. She was rude and inconsiderate and Op's wife stood her ground.

If MIL really was driving by and saw the wife outside, and I have no reason to believe she didn't, that's a little different than a premeditated pop up. It was more like a coincidence, like seeing a neighbor across the street and going to speak to them. No one would call that rude or inconsiderate, I'd hope.

Unless they live on a major road, it's unlikely the MIL was just somehow "driving by" and happened to see the wife outside. I mean come on. It's likely she had no business on the street other than to come by unannounced. Which seems to be fine for the husband but not the wife, hence the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and siblings all get together on Sundays. That's always been the tradition. Forced Sunday plans drive DW crazy. Just an example of personality difference.

Every Sunday? If you work that is a lot of time - 50% of your days off every week.

That would be 1/7 of my days off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife seems to lack manners. No big deal that MIL came by announanced, she is your mom and this announcing is beyond me. I don't understand why your wife dislikes your family though, there must be some reason. Are you very young, both of you? Are you putting your mom and dad first and last, and your wife is annoyed by your lack of effort to show her that you are her husbands and not just your parent's kid. If she feels that they come first to you, that would annoy the heck out of me and in that case resentment would be towards you and your family. Think back and see how you act in your marriage, if answer is that you will drop anything as soon as your parents call, then you know the problem. If that is not the case, ask your wife, why does she dislike your parental family. Just ask.

Please explain how the wife is lacking in manners. All we know is that the mother drove by and was told that the son was sleeping. Wife didn't ignore the mother, nor did she tell her to f*&k off. She didn't call her names. Supposedly the child could be seen from the window, but still don't know if the wife knew the child wasn't sleeping.

How was the wife rude?

She was rude by not inviting her MIL inside. That is a first rule of polite behavior. Even if MIL showed up unannounced, you invite friends and family in. That is how she was rude. You don't set boundaries at that moment. Excuse that kid was sleeping was lame, even if the kids was sleeping. Just how rude is our society becoming?

Nope. There is no excuse whatsoever for her not to have called first rather than just drop by randomly. She was rude and inconsiderate and Op's wife stood her ground.

I'm sure this is not the first, fifth or tenth time that the MIL has showed up uninvited. And I'm sure OP or OP's wife has told her what the boundaries are. Hence OP saying that his mother was supposed to visit DS when he was there. So, what OP's wife was doing was enforcing already established boundaries. There is no point in having boundaries that you do not enforce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife seems to lack manners. No big deal that MIL came by announanced, she is your mom and this announcing is beyond me. I don't understand why your wife dislikes your family though, there must be some reason. Are you very young, both of you? Are you putting your mom and dad first and last, and your wife is annoyed by your lack of effort to show her that you are her husbands and not just your parent's kid. If she feels that they come first to you, that would annoy the heck out of me and in that case resentment would be towards you and your family. Think back and see how you act in your marriage, if answer is that you will drop anything as soon as your parents call, then you know the problem. If that is not the case, ask your wife, why does she dislike your parental family. Just ask.

Please explain how the wife is lacking in manners. All we know is that the mother drove by and was told that the son was sleeping. Wife didn't ignore the mother, nor did she tell her to f*&k off. She didn't call her names. Supposedly the child could be seen from the window, but still don't know if the wife knew the child wasn't sleeping.

How was the wife rude?

She was rude by not inviting her MIL inside. That is a first rule of polite behavior. Even if MIL showed up unannounced, you invite friends and family in. That is how she was rude. You don't set boundaries at that moment. Excuse that kid was sleeping was lame, even if the kids was sleeping. Just how rude is our society becoming?

Nope. There is no excuse whatsoever for her not to have called first rather than just drop by randomly. She was rude and inconsiderate and Op's wife stood her ground.

If MIL really was driving by and saw the wife outside, and I have no reason to believe she didn't, that's a little different than a premeditated pop up. It was more like a coincidence, like seeing a neighbor across the street and going to speak to them. No one would call that rude or inconsiderate, I'd hope.

Unless they live on a major road, it's unlikely the MIL was just somehow "driving by" and happened to see the wife outside. I mean come on. It's likely she had no business on the street other than to come by unannounced. Which seems to be fine for the husband but not the wife, hence the problem.

Some people have to live on a major road, why not them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife seems to lack manners. No big deal that MIL came by announanced, she is your mom and this announcing is beyond me. I don't understand why your wife dislikes your family though, there must be some reason. Are you very young, both of you? Are you putting your mom and dad first and last, and your wife is annoyed by your lack of effort to show her that you are her husbands and not just your parent's kid. If she feels that they come first to you, that would annoy the heck out of me and in that case resentment would be towards you and your family. Think back and see how you act in your marriage, if answer is that you will drop anything as soon as your parents call, then you know the problem. If that is not the case, ask your wife, why does she dislike your parental family. Just ask.

Please explain how the wife is lacking in manners. All we know is that the mother drove by and was told that the son was sleeping. Wife didn't ignore the mother, nor did she tell her to f*&k off. She didn't call her names. Supposedly the child could be seen from the window, but still don't know if the wife knew the child wasn't sleeping.

How was the wife rude?

She was rude by not inviting her MIL inside. That is a first rule of polite behavior. Even if MIL showed up unannounced, you invite friends and family in. That is how she was rude. You don't set boundaries at that moment. Excuse that kid was sleeping was lame, even if the kids was sleeping. Just how rude is our society becoming?

Nope. There is no excuse whatsoever for her not to have called first rather than just drop by randomly. She was rude and inconsiderate and Op's wife stood her ground.

If MIL really was driving by and saw the wife outside, and I have no reason to believe she didn't, that's a little different than a premeditated pop up. It was more like a coincidence, like seeing a neighbor across the street and going to speak to them. No one would call that rude or inconsiderate, I'd hope.

Unless they live on a major road, it's unlikely the MIL was just somehow "driving by" and happened to see the wife outside. I mean come on. It's likely she had no business on the street other than to come by unannounced. Which seems to be fine for the husband but not the wife, hence the problem.

It wasn't the driving by a waving "Hi!" to Op's wife, it was the demand to see her grandchild right then and when Op's wife said it wasn't a good time the MIL made an issue out of it. Either way, MIL was rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and siblings all get together on Sundays. That's always been the tradition. Forced Sunday plans drive DW crazy. Just an example of personality difference.

Every Sunday? If you work that is a lot of time - 50% of your days off every week.

That would be 1/7 of my days off.

You don't work, but maybe the DW does.