When he turns it down

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All we ever hear about on this forum is wives who are "low-drive"; what about when your husband never wants it? I've made overtures to DH three times in the last week; nothing. This is kind of typical. And no, I'm not fat and yes, we do have a good relationship, otherwise. I haven't let myself go. We have young kids and both WOH, but we are happy and have a decent amount of down time in the evenings.

What gives?

Same deal here. I got tired of it and found someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any wife in this predicament should seek fulfillment out there. Should be easy enough to find.

How, in a discreet and disease free way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read five love languages. There is a catalyst somewhere if health isn't an issue. For example- if his language is words of affirmation, if you said something to him that hurts his feelings he will not want to have sex with you. People where is is important rarely forgive or have a hard time getting over verbal transgressions.

Also, how do you look? If you were 120lbs and how your 190 that could also have something to do with it.

Eh that love languages shit is for the women. When she gets naked, that's speaking the love language of most men.

That's right. Men can take the quiz and it is (almost) always going to end up being physical touch. The other stuff, the women's love languages, those are important so the men can figure out what it takes to get her naked so she'll touch him.

Respect is my husband's love language. Physical touch not so much. But then again, he's always been pretty low drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read five love languages. There is a catalyst somewhere if health isn't an issue. For example- if his language is words of affirmation, if you said something to him that hurts his feelings he will not want to have sex with you. People where is is important rarely forgive or have a hard time getting over verbal transgressions.

Also, how do you look? If you were 120lbs and how your 190 that could also have something to do with it.

Eh that love languages shit is for the women. When she gets naked, that's speaking the love language of most men.

That's right. Men can take the quiz and it is (almost) always going to end up being physical touch. The other stuff, the women's love languages, those are important so the men can figure out what it takes to get her naked so she'll touch him.

Respect is my husband's love language. Physical touch not so much. But then again, he's always been pretty low drive.

Did you read the love languages or take the quiz? Respect isn't one of them. I don't doubt that he needs/wants respect, but I think that is a basic human need/right, not a love language.

Physical touch
Words of affirmation
Receiving gifts
Acts of Service
Quality time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Monogamous sex for years and years is kind of a mindfuck. That's reality. Life isn't a fairytale.

Yes, absolutely, but isn't sex initiated by DW better than no sex or less sex?

My husband doesn't think so. He calls himself a sexual camel

[Anonymous]

I keep wondering what the impact of antidepressants are having on sex drive.

My DH started taking an antidepressant to help with anxiety and since then he has been super low drive. When I ask him about it he says that he's just exhausted all the time. He falls asleep any time he puts our DS to bed.

He insists that he's happy, not interested in or involved with anyone else, but that life has just been in the way.

I feel like it's a dark cloud that hangs over our relationship and have no idea what to do about it anymore. I've tried talking about it, but things never change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you read the love languages or take the quiz? Respect isn't one of them. I don't doubt that he needs/wants respect, but I think that is a basic human need/right, not a love language.

Physical touch [of my dick]
Words of affirmation [she praises my dick]
Receiving gifts [like unsolicited oral stimulation of my dick]
Acts of Service [on my dick]
Quality time [time she spends with my dick]

There's really only one love language for men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you read the love languages or take the quiz? Respect isn't one of them. I don't doubt that he needs/wants respect, but I think that is a basic human need/right, not a love language.

Physical touch [of my dick]
Words of affirmation [she praises my dick]
Receiving gifts [like unsolicited oral stimulation of my dick]
Acts of Service [on my dick]
Quality time [time she spends with my dick]

There's really only one love language for men.

(woman here) I agree, I love you, and will restate that the Love Languages are simply to help you figure out what makes your woman happy so she'll touch, praise, give oral gifts to, service, and spend time with YOUR DICK.

[Anonymous]

Well for me - as a male - I was refused so much for so long that I just gave up. After going weeks and at one time months, I had an affair.

The affair went on for a few months and I had lots of sex, but the stress of lying and stuff caught up to me. I'm in my 40s now and don't care as much and honestly want to be left alone. Now she has all the drive but I'm no longer interested for a couple of reasons.

1. The sex with her is boring my comparison to the AP I had
2 after years of rejection, I honestly feel little attraction. She has her wi Dow of opportunity for passionate sex and turned it down.

Plus she's gained a bit of weight. Hardly attractive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried changing the oil in the car? Raking the yard? Taking out the trash? Cleaning the gutters?
Maybe he is exhausted and could use a little help around the house

+1

This never gets old.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you read the love languages or take the quiz? Respect isn't one of them. I don't doubt that he needs/wants respect, but I think that is a basic human need/right, not a love language.

Physical touch [of my dick]
Words of affirmation [she praises my dick]
Receiving gifts [like unsolicited oral stimulation of my dick]
Acts of Service [on my dick]
Quality time [time she spends with my dick]

There's really only one love language for men.

Yes. Dw is passionate about sex and that makes all the difference. Since we know we both want each other it makes it easier to put up with all the crap that comes with marriage for both of us. Just replace "dick" with "pussy" and that's my wife! I'm a lucky man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well for me - as a male - I was refused so much for so long that I just gave up. After going weeks and at one time months, I had an affair.

The affair went on for a few months and I had lots of sex, but the stress of lying and stuff caught up to me. I'm in my 40s now and don't care as much and honestly want to be left alone. Now she has all the drive but I'm no longer interested for a couple of reasons.

1. The sex with her is boring my comparison to the AP I had
2 after years of rejection, I honestly feel little attraction. She has her wi Dow of opportunity for passionate sex and turned it down.

Plus she's gained a bit of weight. Hardly attractive

I was in your shoes. Rejected sexually by wife, then had hot affair sex, then broke off affair because sneaking around became exhausting, then no desire for wife once she started initiating. Here's the thing. Assuming you have children and want to keep the family home intact, you need to find a way to reconnect sexually with your wife. The same advice for women is good for men. Just do it. I bit the bullet, we have a good sex life now and a happy marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you read the love languages or take the quiz? Respect isn't one of them. I don't doubt that he needs/wants respect, but I think that is a basic human need/right, not a love language.

Physical touch [of my dick]
Words of affirmation [she praises my dick]
Receiving gifts [like unsolicited oral stimulation of my dick]
Acts of Service [on my dick]
Quality time [time she spends with my dick]

There's really only one love language for men.

Not true, the author even wrote about it in a blog in his website of an instance of a client that was "words of affirmation". The common misconception is men are always "physical touch" but in fact many aren't. And now you're feeding into a misandrist narrative...well done

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I keep wondering what the impact of antidepressants are having on sex drive.

My DH started taking an antidepressant to help with anxiety and since then he has been super low drive. When I ask him about it he says that he's just exhausted all the time. He falls asleep any time he puts our DS to bed.

He insists that he's happy, not interested in or involved with anyone else, but that life has just been in the way.

I feel like it's a dark cloud that hangs over our relationship and have no idea what to do about it anymore. I've tried talking about it, but things never change.

Same here! Things improved slightly when he went down on the meds, but then he started having a breakdown and needed to go back up in dose. He is always tired. Sleeps 12 hours per day on weekends.

[Anonymous]

As men get older they also have issues with both maintaining and erection and ejaculating. To not have to deal with showing this to their partner (all men are supposed to be stallions, after all, and want it all the time, right??), they avoid sex.

Those gender stereotypes cut both ways.