I hate myself

[Anonymous]

Op, 30K cc debt isn't that bad. My DW and I rack up 30K cc debt all the time and we are able to pay it off in a few months. Our HHI is about 400K and it takes us about 4 months to pay off 30k...you should be able to pay that off yours in 6 months with no problem 5K per month. The money really isn't the issue...as others have said, it about your spending and having open and honest communication with your DH. You can work through this...its only 30K...in 10 years from now when the both of you look back on this...you will be able to help another couple work through a similar issue...it happens in marriages all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm not doing too well. He talked to me a little bit last night. Expressed his extreme anger and hurt that I deceived him. I feel horrible. He said it will take him a couple of years to get over this. I told him I will make an appointment for us to go to a counselor together but he refused, saying that the problem is my avoidance and we don't need a counselor to tell us that.

Who the hell says "it will take me a couple of years to get over this?" No sane person knows this. Maybe it will take him 2 days when he realizes there are MUCH bigger things to worry about in life than money. Do you have kids?

Who says that? Someone whose trust has been betrayed, that's who. It's NOT a money problem! How can you have a meaningful, intimate relationship with someone who you can't trust? OP has a history of lying and dishonesty. Having spent years being married to someone like her, I can tell you it kills a relationship. The only way she can 'fix' it is to be honest and forthright until she creates a history of integrity. It will take years to do. And, she's not doing a good job of it since she still hasn't fessed up to the additional $15K in debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm not doing too well. He talked to me a little bit last night. Expressed his extreme anger and hurt that I deceived him. I feel horrible. He said it will take him a couple of years to get over this. I told him I will make an appointment for us to go to a counselor together but he refused, saying that the problem is my avoidance and we don't need a counselor to tell us that.

Who the hell says "it will take me a couple of years to get over this?" No sane person knows this. Maybe it will take him 2 days when he realizes there are MUCH bigger things to worry about in life than money. Do you have kids?

Who says that? Someone whose trust has been betrayed, that's who. It's NOT a money problem! How can you have a meaningful, intimate relationship with someone who you can't trust? OP has a history of lying and dishonesty. Having spent years being married to someone like her, I can tell you it kills a relationship. The only way she can 'fix' it is to be honest and forthright until she creates a history of integrity. It will take years to do. And, she's not doing a good job of it since she still hasn't fessed up to the additional $15K in debt.

OP here-- I agree. I feel physically sick at this. I don't know if he will ever forgive. I did tell him about the other 15k yesterday if you read through.
He is talking to me a little bit and said that he didn't answer the phone all day today because he wanted me to know how upset I'd feel if he left me.
Does that seem a little f'ed up? Right now I feel like any reaction on his part is justified.