I hate myself

[Anonymous]

OP, you will get through this and others have been in similar positions. Take a moment and enjoy life and the moment. It is difficult with the stress, but also an opportunity.

[Anonymous]

This is totally manageable and very understandable how it has happened. If this is your only debt you are in much better shape then most (think what student loans are!). Do you have a financial advisor? If yes, go see them and make a plan to pay it off. This is so very doable. I'd be concerned if you'd racked it up shopping at asks this year, but if you e just been sticking your head in the sand and paying off minimums its way more understandable.
Your dh is upset and feels betrayed, but you will get thru this. I'd try suggesting personal therapy to work on your conflict fears and couples counseling to work on your relationship issues.
Huge hugs!! You've been brave tonight and you are free of the secret now - it can only get better from here!!

[Anonymous]

He is the one who is unemployed. I'm sure he is mad but he'll get over it.

I don't get why you would only pay the minimum for a decade. You are getting killed by compounding interest. You earn 200k. This should not be that big of a deal.

I had about 20k of credit card debt when I finished grad school. I paid it off my first year or working. You can do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I told him about two hours ago. I don't think he will forgive me. This is the worst moment of my life.

he is probably feeling shitty because he is the one who is not working. he should be grateful to have a spouse who is supporting his ass.

[Anonymous]

OP, if he can't forgive you, then he has a big problem. Not you. You guys need counseling. You need to understand the avoidant/dominant-punitive dynamic here. Its definitely not healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if he can't forgive you, then he has a big problem. Not you. You guys need counseling. You need to understand the avoidant/dominant-punitive dynamic here. Its definitely not healthy.

What? You clearly haven't been in a relationship where your partner LIES to you about important things. The money isn't the issue, it's the hiding and lying.

[Anonymous]

How are you doing, OP?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm not doing too well. He talked to me a little bit last night. Expressed his extreme anger and hurt that I deceived him. I feel horrible. He said it will take him a couple of years to get over this. I told him I will make an appointment for us to go to a counselor together but he refused, saying that the problem is my avoidance and we don't need a counselor to tell us that.

[Anonymous]

the fact that he talked to you is a good thing. he has expressed his anger and you need to understand how deeply something like this hurts (the lying, hiding and betrayal, not the amount of money per se).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the fact that he talked to you is a good thing. he has expressed his anger and you need to understand how deeply something like this hurts (the lying, hiding and betrayal, not the amount of money per se).

I agree. I will say this. You were in the wrong (even though I don't think you're a bad person or meant to cause any harm), so he understandably needs time to get over this. However, I don't think it will be fair of him to punish you forever for it or hold it over your head as long as you're together. So only time will tell how long it takes him to get over it, BUT I wouldn't give him forever. You deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm not doing too well. He talked to me a little bit last night. Expressed his extreme anger and hurt that I deceived him. I feel horrible. He said it will take him a couple of years to get over this. I told him I will make an appointment for us to go to a counselor together but he refused, saying that the problem is my avoidance and we don't need a counselor to tell us that.

Your husband is wrong, there are probably other issues in play here other than avoidance, and a therapist will help in that respect.

[Anonymous]

He hasn't answered his phone all day. I am afraid he is leaving me. I can't take this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He hasn't answered his phone all day. I am afraid he is leaving me. I can't take this.

OP I honestly think if he were to leave you for this, you are better off. Either that or there are other issues in your marriage and this is just the one that breaks the back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm not doing too well. He talked to me a little bit last night. Expressed his extreme anger and hurt that I deceived him. I feel horrible. He said it will take him a couple of years to get over this. I told him I will make an appointment for us to go to a counselor together but he refused, saying that the problem is my avoidance and we don't need a counselor to tell us that.

Who the hell says "it will take me a couple of years to get over this?" No sane person knows this. Maybe it will take him 2 days when he realizes there are MUCH bigger things to worry about in life than money. Do you have kids?

[Anonymous]

yOU earn 200k a year. He cannot hold a grudge. I understand being mad and disappointed but it's not like you don't work and he's the sole breadwinner. The honesty issues and conflict issues still need to be dealt with but this is not a lot of money in the whole scheme of things.