I'm a professor at a 4-year college/university... ask me anything!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm also a professor, but a decade (maybe 15 years) older than the OP. I've mellowed A LOT. Life experience has taught me that sometimes the crazy excuses are real, and, in any case, very little changes if you decide to believe the students.

You ask for documentation of the emergency in the case of requests for an exception to policy (like missing a final exam), and you create classroom grading policies that are fair to those who don't let their personal stuff interfere with class (and lots of students have personal stuff), but still give students a reason to do the work, even if it's late.

I also have a conversation with students who are missing a lot of class early on to try to resolve the issue in a reasonable way. Sometimes that's not possible, because I am not going to reschedule all the tests and all the lectures for my office hours, but often it is possible.

I've started enjoying teaching a lot more since I've started thinking of my more challenging students as people and not inconveniences.

And the writing doesn't get better. The best writing I encountered was at Catholic University in DC, where a lot of the students came from the Catholic School system. But I've encountered bad writing everywhere, even at high-ranked schools.

I will never budge on this, PP. College is not compulsory education. This isn't "Teach for America." You're here because you want to be here. Not. my. job. to. hand. hold.

It is, however, a job that you do so that you can afford to do research. Or, at your small liberal arts college (not research university), it's your job, period. The job includes the parts I love, like putting together lectures, designing assignments and classroom activities, and the parts I like, like office hours and curriculum planning, and the parts I wish I never had to do again, like grading papers, hiring committees, and faculty meetings. I don't hand hold either. I write the same number of emails, and have the same number of meetings. They are, however, less contentious than they used to be, and often issues are resolved rather than dragging on for more emails and meetings down the road. They are also more predictable in terms of their timing.

[Anonymous]

I get that there was a student who called in sick and you didn't buy it. Fine. But that isn't what you said. You said that her excuse was patently wrong, and I want to say that you have no clue what it is like to be a woman.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I taught college and was a professor way back when.

I hope my son doesn't ever have this professor.

[Anonymous]

Assistant professor pulling in $70K thinks he is Sir Bountiful because he tells administrative staff it's OK to call him by his first name.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get that there was a student who called in sick and you didn't buy it. Fine. But that isn't what you said. You said that her excuse was patently wrong, and I want to say that you have no clue what it is like to be a woman.

This is why I always just say (for work AND school) I'm too sick to make it in today without ever giving symptoms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have favorites? I knew most of mine liked me as a student but I was also always on time, participated and made great grades.

What's the best excuse you have ever heard?


Do you pass althletes?

I don't have favorites, but I do have students that I dislike. I don't judge students based on their aptitude. I do judge (and frequently get annoyed) with students who:
-Don't turn work in/don't try but then can't understand why they do poorly in my classes
-Cheat, lie, have rude manners

I'd much rather an honest C students than a lying/cheating A/B student.

Athletes are often my best students.

Best excuse? Girl tells me she has a heavy period and can't take the exam. GTFO. Take an Advil hunny.

Yeah - don't be so quick to judge health excuses. My mother had *heavy* periods, and couldn't do anything those days. Whens he was that age, she didn't know there was anything you could do about it. I know some kids will try everything, but there really are wacky health things out there.

+1, my cramps are so bad I don't leave the house for a day or two. I tried everything and at best it just takes the edge off things. Its horrible. Glad you were not my professor.

So your entire adult life you've stayed home from work once a month? I find that hard to believe. If it's that bad you go on the pill or get a doctor's note, double up on tampons/pads, etc. . We all know girls/women who will use this as an excuse because they think nobody will question it.

This. I have endometriosis and I have never missed class for it.

+1. Period is an excuse because you cna get away with it here. Nowhere else is it accepted. You think poor women can miss work because they have pain? Any kind of pain, that is not a bone sticking out? No, and they don't, because it might cost them their jobs. This is a privileged excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe that you feel that you know what it is like to have a heavy period. Mine is horrible. I have to accommodate it in some way. I work from home and hide as much as possible. The pain is unbearable to the point that I moan frequently. I double up, and still have to change at least once an hour. Luckily, the bad part only lasts about 12 hours, so it doesn't hit on a work day every month, but when it does, there is absolutely no way that I could work. Then again, I think a doctor's note would be necessary to miss an exam.

Don't tell women to go on the pill!!!!! That is not your decision. There are many reasons why someone may not want to, including that the hormones make some people crazy, and some people actually want to have children.

Dear lady, your description is so much less worse than my period. I've had blood gushing out of me, like I was a hose. Down to my knees and toes. You moan frequently? You change once an hour? Can we trade? Except then you would have to work, since I never miss work, not for period, not for bleeding out like a butchered pig, not for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Salary questions... Crass much? Obviously not a lot. Roughly 70k. However, I literally did not have to answer a single e-mail or deal with a single human being on anything work related from May 1st - September 1st. I also have a fully paid sabbatical next year. The salary isn't great. But, with all the free time and consulting money available (for example, writing think tank reports, honoraria) it's a great gig for someone like me who isn't interested in having children. Although I wish I could bank the tuition benefit.

Great gig for someone lazy who does not want a wife or kid. Thank goodness you don't have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have favorites? I knew most of mine liked me as a student but I was also always on time, participated and made great grades.

What's the best excuse you have ever heard?


Do you pass althletes?

I don't have favorites, but I do have students that I dislike. I don't judge students based on their aptitude. I do judge (and frequently get annoyed) with students who:
-Don't turn work in/don't try but then can't understand why they do poorly in my classes
-Cheat, lie, have rude manners

I'd much rather an honest C students than a lying/cheating A/B student.

Athletes are often my best students.

Best excuse? Girl tells me she has a heavy period and can't take the exam. GTFO. Take an Advil hunny.

Yeah - don't be so quick to judge health excuses. My mother had *heavy* periods, and couldn't do anything those days. Whens he was that age, she didn't know there was anything you could do about it. I know some kids will try everything, but there really are wacky health things out there.

+1, my cramps are so bad I don't leave the house for a day or two. I tried everything and at best it just takes the edge off things. Its horrible. Glad you were not my professor.

So your entire adult life you've stayed home from work once a month? I find that hard to believe. If it's that bad you go on the pill or get a doctor's note, double up on tampons/pads, etc. . We all know girls/women who will use this as an excuse because they think nobody will question it.

Its not the bleeding that is the issue. Yes, I stayed home through high school, college, graduate school and generally from work (except on a rare occasion I could not reschedule). They have gotten worse along with other health issues so I stay home full time now. Luckily my husband is wonderful and very supportive. One med I tried in college landed me in two different ER's one night (the one ER gave me something saying it would help and it made it worse). I didn't know my parents could drive that fast to come help till I needed them. They ended up staying a week because it got so bad. You have no idea how bad the cramping pain can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have favorites? I knew most of mine liked me as a student but I was also always on time, participated and made great grades.

What's the best excuse you have ever heard?


Do you pass althletes?

I don't have favorites, but I do have students that I dislike. I don't judge students based on their aptitude. I do judge (and frequently get annoyed) with students who:
-Don't turn work in/don't try but then can't understand why they do poorly in my classes
-Cheat, lie, have rude manners

I'd much rather an honest C students than a lying/cheating A/B student.

Athletes are often my best students.

Best excuse? Girl tells me she has a heavy period and can't take the exam. GTFO. Take an Advil hunny.

Yeah - don't be so quick to judge health excuses. My mother had *heavy* periods, and couldn't do anything those days. Whens he was that age, she didn't know there was anything you could do about it. I know some kids will try everything, but there really are wacky health things out there.

+1, my cramps are so bad I don't leave the house for a day or two. I tried everything and at best it just takes the edge off things. Its horrible. Glad you were not my professor.

So your entire adult life you've stayed home from work once a month? I find that hard to believe. If it's that bad you go on the pill or get a doctor's note, double up on tampons/pads, etc. . We all know girls/women who will use this as an excuse because they think nobody will question it.

Its not the bleeding that is the issue. Yes, I stayed home through high school, college, graduate school and generally from work (except on a rare occasion I could not reschedule). They have gotten worse along with other health issues so I stay home full time now. Luckily my husband is wonderful and very supportive. One med I tried in college landed me in two different ER's one night (the one ER gave me something saying it would help and it made it worse). I didn't know my parents could drive that fast to come help till I needed them. They ended up staying a week because it got so bad. You have no idea how bad the cramping pain can be.

I should say, when I say I stay home, yes. My husband takes the kids back and forth to school and their activities. He has a very flexible job with really supportive co-workers. If I get sick, he can take off to take care of me/us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The worst thing about the students today is they simply cannot or refuse to put the time into, writing well. It's abysmal. I thought I was judging too harshly so I went back and looked at my own papers in college. Even kids who are here spending 40k a year of their parents money and went to good private high schools turn in papers with multiple incomplete sentences. They are either dumb or lazy, or both.

No, it is because they had terrible teachers and uninvolved parents who believe its the schools job. Sounds like these same kids went from terrible teachers to terrible professors. Writing is a skill that has to be taught and learned. Its not being taught like it used to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have favorites? I knew most of mine liked me as a student but I was also always on time, participated and made great grades.

What's the best excuse you have ever heard?


Do you pass althletes?

I don't have favorites, but I do have students that I dislike. I don't judge students based on their aptitude. I do judge (and frequently get annoyed) with students who:
-Don't turn work in/don't try but then can't understand why they do poorly in my classes
-Cheat, lie, have rude manners

I'd much rather an honest C students than a lying/cheating A/B student.

Athletes are often my best students.

Best excuse? Girl tells me she has a heavy period and can't take the exam. GTFO. Take an Advil hunny.

Yeah - don't be so quick to judge health excuses. My mother had *heavy* periods, and couldn't do anything those days. Whens he was that age, she didn't know there was anything you could do about it. I know some kids will try everything, but there really are wacky health things out there.

+1, my cramps are so bad I don't leave the house for a day or two. I tried everything and at best it just takes the edge off things. Its horrible. Glad you were not my professor.

So your entire adult life you've stayed home from work once a month? I find that hard to believe. If it's that bad you go on the pill or get a doctor's note, double up on tampons/pads, etc. . We all know girls/women who will use this as an excuse because they think nobody will question it.

Its not the bleeding that is the issue. Yes, I stayed home through high school, college, graduate school and generally from work (except on a rare occasion I could not reschedule). They have gotten worse along with other health issues so I stay home full time now. Luckily my husband is wonderful and very supportive. One med I tried in college landed me in two different ER's one night (the one ER gave me something saying it would help and it made it worse). I didn't know my parents could drive that fast to come help till I needed them. They ended up staying a week because it got so bad. You have no idea how bad the cramping pain can be.

Np here. I call bullshit to you pp. I have endo and have had three surgeries. I have never missed a college exam for this reason. I still managed to walked my sore ass up there to take a test.

Now enough about periods and back to the Professor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe that you feel that you know what it is like to have a heavy period. Mine is horrible. I have to accommodate it in some way. I work from home and hide as much as possible. The pain is unbearable to the point that I moan frequently. I double up, and still have to change at least once an hour. Luckily, the bad part only lasts about 12 hours, so it doesn't hit on a work day every month, but when it does, there is absolutely no way that I could work. Then again, I think a doctor's note would be necessary to miss an exam.

Don't tell women to go on the pill!!!!! That is not your decision. There are many reasons why someone may not want to, including that the hormones make some people crazy, and some people actually want to have children.

Look lady, if this student had been a model citizen okay. But when you've got a kid that constantly blows off class, doesn't turn in assignments, then e-mails 20 minutes before an exam starts saying a period is too heavy to take the exam... color me skeptical.

Is it the male tenure-track OP with "look lady" and "take Advil, hunny" or another poster? I need clarification. TIA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Best excuse? Girl tells me she has a heavy period and can't take the exam. GTFO. Take an Advil hunny.

Yeah - don't be so quick to judge health excuses. My mother had *heavy* periods, and couldn't do anything those days. Whens he was that age, she didn't know there was anything you could do about it. I know some kids will try everything, but there really are wacky health things out there.

+1, my cramps are so bad I don't leave the house for a day or two. I tried everything and at best it just takes the edge off things. Its horrible. Glad you were not my professor.

So your entire adult life you've stayed home from work once a month? I find that hard to believe. If it's that bad you go on the pill or get a doctor's note, double up on tampons/pads, etc. . We all know girls/women who will use this as an excuse because they think nobody will question it.

NP here. It can take a while to figure out the right treatment regimen for heavy periods, especially if there is a complicating factor like endometriosis. I do not have endo, but I did suffer from really heavy periods when I was younger to the point where in college I would sometimes pass out from the pain. Particularly at college age, women's cycles may still be settling down, and they may not yet have figured out what works for them. I don't know what your student's issue was, but it's completely possible she was telling the truth. Not the least of which it would be so mortifying to tell a young male professor about my period that I honestly can't imagine doing so unless it was a real concern.

There is a protocol for dealing with health situations. Students can inform the health center and they communicate to professors. I've had many responsible students take that approach. When they do, I happily work around their difficulty and help them out.

The health centers are a joke. They automatically assume you are pregnant and demand a pregnancy test and ignore why you are there (i.e. ear infection). Thank goodness for private insurance. A doctor should not be speaking with a professor. A student should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have favorites? I knew most of mine liked me as a student but I was also always on time, participated and made great grades.

What's the best excuse you have ever heard?


Do you pass althletes?

I don't have favorites, but I do have students that I dislike. I don't judge students based on their aptitude. I do judge (and frequently get annoyed) with students who:
-Don't turn work in/don't try but then can't understand why they do poorly in my classes
-Cheat, lie, have rude manners

I'd much rather an honest C students than a lying/cheating A/B student.

Athletes are often my best students.

Best excuse? Girl tells me she has a heavy period and can't take the exam. GTFO. Take an Advil hunny.

Yeah - don't be so quick to judge health excuses. My mother had *heavy* periods, and couldn't do anything those days. Whens he was that age, she didn't know there was anything you could do about it. I know some kids will try everything, but there really are wacky health things out there.

+1, my cramps are so bad I don't leave the house for a day or two. I tried everything and at best it just takes the edge off things. Its horrible. Glad you were not my professor.

So your entire adult life you've stayed home from work once a month? I find that hard to believe. If it's that bad you go on the pill or get a doctor's note, double up on tampons/pads, etc. . We all know girls/women who will use this as an excuse because they think nobody will question it.

Its not the bleeding that is the issue. Yes, I stayed home through high school, college, graduate school and generally from work (except on a rare occasion I could not reschedule). They have gotten worse along with other health issues so I stay home full time now. Luckily my husband is wonderful and very supportive. One med I tried in college landed me in two different ER's one night (the one ER gave me something saying it would help and it made it worse). I didn't know my parents could drive that fast to come help till I needed them. They ended up staying a week because it got so bad. You have no idea how bad the cramping pain can be.

Np here. I call bullshit to you pp. I have endo and have had three surgeries. I have never missed a college exam for this reason. I still managed to walked my sore ass up there to take a test.

Now enough about periods and back to the Professor.

Not everyone has what you have and not everyones are the same. Lucky you you have never missed anything because of it. I have. The pain is horrific on top of other health issues. I've been on many meds and none work. Not much more doctors can do.