My husband hates women..and everyone else

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, listen to yourselves. Only angry people own guns? Must be a Trump supporter?

First off, I'm a hunter and own a couple of hunting rifles, shotgun and three handguns - one of which is an heirloom my grandfather pulled off a dead Nazi in WWII. I'm not angry, farthest thug from it. While Indint support Trump, I know plenty who do and they're not angry either.

Your Freudian slip is showing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Over the past few years, my husband has gotten more and more racist, homophobic, and misogynistic. He refers to women exclusively as b*tches and c*nts. I am embarrassed to go out in public with him, because he can't get through a trip to the grocery store without using a derogatory ethnic, misogynistic or homophobic slur. He'll both say things in the car (when the target of his comment can't hear him), or he'll say it to their faces. He doesn't care who hears him.

I've asked him to stop repeatedly. I've told him that it embarrasses me. I've told him that it could hurt him professionally, if someone from work hears him. I have reminded him that our preschooler is in the car and can hear him. We're new to the area, and I have told him it may be the reason why we haven't made any friends yet. He continues, if he doesn't get worse.

Last night he told me out of the blue that this country started going downhill when it became illegal to beat your wife and kids. What do I even say in response to that?

I'm getting to the point where I don't think I can go on like this anymore. Even though he isn't saying things directly about me (he has only called me a b*tch when we're arguing), I still feel like he doesn't respect me. And it kills me to know that our child is being exposed to this.

How do I even begin to deal with this?

This sounds like he is about one step away from kicking your ass...GET OUT NOW!!

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry but it's not going to get better my X-DH is like yours, and I had to leave. There is no such thing as "staying for the kids"--it's always harder for a kid to grow up in a broken home (a home without peace) than it is for a kid to grow up with an intact home at least part of the time.

[Anonymous]

Has he ever hit you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was he always a hateful jerk and it's only becoming more obvious now or is this totally new behavior?

This is very important to figure out. If it is sudden change in behaviour, could be medical issue is behind this (early onset Alzheimers. etc.) Not the best scenario either, just a thought...

That's what I was wondering. Maybe he need's a physical?

[Anonymous]

Your child is going to be better off spending 50% of their time in a sane environment than 100% of their time in a toxic environment.

[Anonymous]

(Hugs)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would record him (safely) and play it for a divorce lawyer. He's using hate speech - that has to count for something in a custody hearing.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, are you sure he doesn't have a brain tumor? I'm being serious. This is really strange behavior if it's new for him.

I'd start recording him for the future divorce and child custody hearings.

I had this thought too. It's very odd, extreme behavior. Most people have a filter, no matter what their beliefs. What you describe, especially if it's recent, is alarming - I would rule out brain tumor, or other neurological issue causing dementia or asocial behavior.

We had a relative who went from being a great, affectionate mom and wife to being a mean awful tyrant. More than two years later the doctors figured it out.
The husband said that it was all especially horrific because the kids just remembered her acting terribly and not when she was herself. She died shortly after diagnosis and it was really a horror.

[Anonymous]

There is some really, really bad advice in this thread. I don't blame the posters, but there's a huge misunderstanding of mental health, legal and relationship dynamics. Please don't record him - it's more likely to hurt you (physically) than it is to help you in divorce proceedings.

Please get in touch with people that can help you. Don't worry so much about diagnosing him or fixing him or whatever just yet. Get in touch with resources (counselors, lawyers, etc.) that are invested in you. Then go from there.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, first step is to meet with a lawyer and learn what your options look like. Right now you're guessing at 50/50 custody etc. meet with them ask about the process and what your chances are of getting primary custody. Make a plan for when the abuse escalates. Do this even if you're not ready to leave. Just knowing that you have options will hep on days when it gets really hard.

On a personal note - work on your support network. Try to make mom friends, no need for the entire family to be there. Schedule play dates, whatever works for you. If your friends ask about your husband say that he's going through a tough transition and it's not a good time. No matter what you decide you're going to need a good support network.

Good luck OP! We're rooting for you!

[Anonymous]

OP, this sounds awful. I agree with the advice to visit a lawyer first.

[Anonymous]

OP I would talk to a lawyer and find out, if you can record him, what the likely custody outcome would be.
If he will get unsupervised time with the kid, Personally, I would not divorce him. I wouldn't leave my child alone with him.
Obviously, do NOT have any more children.