Dead bird and babbysitter, am I over reacting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you really can't win. Problem is, in this area, parents cater to every whim of their child. They make excuses for everything that little johnny does, etc.

So, if she had disciplined him in a way that you didn't find appropriate, she would have been screwed. And if she didn't, she was screwed.

She told your son not to pick it up, he disobeyed her. In my world, that blame is solely on your son. He's 5. He knows how to listen to an adult.

The only way to make a five-year-old drop something is to use physical force. And frankly, a lot of it. How would you have reacted if your sons had reported that the babysitter grabbed your son's arm and shook it hard? What if it left bruises? What if she had to pry the bird out of his hands and he complained that she hurt his fingers? Or scratched him?

She told him to put it down. He disobeyed. At least she had him put in on a plate or something when he got home.

Yes, he should have washed his hands.

Exactly, this sounds like a no win situation for the baby sitter. If she yelled, he could've accused her of yelling, if she grabbed, he could've accused her of hitting him. It is not really the kids who are out of control these days, it is the parents. I would like to see a preschool or a nanny service that provides common sense and old fashioned care, such as yes, yelling at the kid, sitting kid down, I mean time outs are not even allowed any more in many places, so what is a person to do? I had nannies before and you have to reassure her that she can do what she feels necessary to discipline the child, to treat the kid as she would her own, the problem is parents accuse teachers and nannies and care givers all the time these days, instead of looking at themselves and their kids. OP, you know yourself, is your son the kind of kid that would've dropped the bird or put up a tantrum?

[Anonymous]

OP here.

My husband found a seminar for kids where they can learn about birds/raptures. (GW Parkway.) They put gloves on, and can hold live animals, and learn what to do if they come across one that is injured or dead. We are going this weekend, and continue to talk to kids about enjoying wildlife while being safe.

The dead bird is in the woods outside our house, and I pray that none of the neighborhood kids find it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. My husband believes that we shouldn't report it, and instead have a SERIOUS talk with my son about not listening. He has just started pushing boundaries, and he didn't know this nanny.

BUT, I wish I had reinforced with her that kids should be asked to wash hands after playing outside. Especially if they picked up road kill. She didn't seem concerned with this.

Your husband is 100 percent correct. This is not a nanny problem, it's a your kid doesn't do what he's told problem. Seriously, she told him three times, probably firmly by the 3rd, should she have yelled at him? Slapped it out of his hand? Grabbed him by the arm and got in his face? She told him to put it down three times, if your kid feels it's okay to ignore adult/babysitter instructions that's on you.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this one story provides enough information to determine that her child does not behave.
At some point every child, especially a child of that age, does not listen. If he does this often, it is a problem.
Only OP knows if it is a pattern.

What we do know is the child is curious about animals and he thought he could maybe bring the bird back to life,
which is adorable. If anything I think this would be a cute story some day and I love that she is helping him explore
that interest. As far as the nanny goes, I think it's right that she shouldn't get in trouble at all. However, I think in that
scenario, she could have stopped walking, asked him to show her the bird, then suggested they lay the bird next to the
tree and they could come back with a shoe box to bury it, or something like that.... She is not at fault but could have been
more thoughtful or creative in her response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this one story provides enough information to determine that her child does not behave.
At some point every child, especially a child of that age, does not listen. If he does this often, it is a problem.
Only OP knows if it is a pattern.

What we do know is the child is curious about animals and he thought he could maybe bring the bird back to life,
which is adorable. If anything I think this would be a cute story some day and I love that she is helping him explore
that interest. As far as the nanny goes, I think it's right that she shouldn't get in trouble at all. However, I think in that
scenario, she could have stopped walking, asked him to show her the bird, then suggested they lay the bird next to the
tree and they could come back with a shoe box to bury it, or something like that.... She is not at fault but could have been
more thoughtful or creative in her response.

I heart you.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others that you are WAY overreacting. You don't have to hire her again, but "telling" on her would be ridiculous. I am happy that you are able to recognize your son has a love for animals and find ways to encourage it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My husband found a seminar for kids where they can learn about birds/raptures. (GW Parkway.) They put gloves on, and can hold live animals, and learn what to do if they come across one that is injured or dead. We are going this weekend, and continue to talk to kids about enjoying wildlife while being safe.

The dead bird is in the woods outside our house, and I pray that none of the neighborhood kids find it.

You're ignoring the "lack of obedience" problem. Why?

I see the problem IS you. And you want a wildlife class?

[Anonymous]

I think she firmly should have said 'don't touch/put it down/it could have disease' and herself bent the child over and gently guided the child's hands to drop it.

Having said that, I don't think it's a huge deal, it's actually kind of cute/funny that your child was that nurturing. But if I were paying the nanny we'd definitely have a conversation about poking things with a stick when they are dead instead of handling them, like all kids learn around the age of 5.

[Anonymous]

I would have wanted the nanny to remove it from his hand physically.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised by theses response. The nanny showed really poor judgment.

The other day a 7-year-old snuck into my house while his brother and my son were playing in my son's room. He opened the second story window and started to climb out of it (or pretend to climb out of it). I walked in and screamed at him to get out of the window. He ignored me, so I walked over and pulled him out of the window myself. Then I sent him home and called his mom, who punished him. You can't just shrug your shoulders and say, oh the kid didn't listen. Sometimes you make a kid listen, even if it means touching them. Then you can deal with the kid for not listening.

[Anonymous]

I had a nanny who had zero control of the kid. Her only resort was to ask me to tell DC who has just turned 6 yo to "listen to the nanny", which of course I did on daily basis but I also expected her to find an approach to the child other than "I will tell your mom". She had zero control / rapport with DC.

If a grown up woman is not able to find the language / approach to get kids to listen to her, then may be it's not such a good fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My husband found a seminar for kids where they can learn about birds/raptures. (GW Parkway.) They put gloves on, and can hold live animals, and learn what to do if they come across one that is injured or dead. We are going this weekend, and continue to talk to kids about enjoying wildlife while being safe.

The dead bird is in the woods outside our house, and I pray that none of the neighborhood kids find it.

You think your kid needs a class to learn not to touch dead animals? Smh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have wanted the nanny to remove it from his hand physically.

I would too. I wouldn't report the nanny but I wouldn't hire her again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are super lucky that when kids are out of school, our workplace will send a nanny from a service to watch the kids. I was working from home, and she took my 5 and 7 out for a walk. I met them in the kitchen, where she told me he carried a bleeding, dead bird home in his palm, and left him in the carport. I looked at her bewildered. She said, "I asked him three times to put it down, and he wouldn't." Of course he got an earful from me for not listening, but come on. Shouldn't she have been more insistent?

I am thinking about telling the agency, but wonder if this is an over reaction. Thoughts?

You're not over reacting. She should have been more insistent and immediately told him NO. Could have said we'll come back for it with a trash bag and then bury it-but then something could dig it up. Ask for them to not send that individual again.

[Anonymous]

I still want to know why your child doesn't automatically wash their hands when they come in from outside... why they need to be told.