Dead bird and babbysitter, am I over reacting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid doesn't listen to a person he barely knows?

Who does your kid obey?

[Anonymous]

How does a kid get to five years old and not know not to touch dead animals? WTH? I'd be furious with my five year old if he did that.

[Anonymous]

Babysitter and nannies are scared these days to do anything! I know that in day cares they are not allowed to even say "That is not nice," when a 2 year old hits another two year old. Even on the head! You are supposed to say "can you find something else to do?" Depending on the agency who knows what kind of soft rules they have and what they forbid nannies to do. As for the bird, I would never touch a dead bird, so if a kid picked it up and wouldn't drop it after I said so, I wouldn't touch it for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does a kid get to five years old and not know not to touch dead animals? WTH? I'd be furious with my five year old if he did that.

How many parents out there educate five year olds not to touch dead animals? Of course it makes sense, and is the right thing to do, but not all kids "get to five years old" and not know this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does a kid get to five years old and not know not to touch dead animals? WTH? I'd be furious with my five year old if he did that.

How many parents out there educate five year olds not to touch dead animals? Of course it makes sense, and is the right thing to do, but not all kids "get to five years old" and not know this.

meant "know this."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does a kid get to five years old and not know not to touch dead animals? WTH? I'd be furious with my five year old if he did that.

How many parents out there educate five year olds not to touch dead animals? Of course it makes sense, and is the right thing to do, but not all kids "get to five years old" and not know this.

Um, all parents? Do you not take walks with them, see a dead bug or bird or roadkill, and when your 18 month old goes to touch, say, no, icky! Sorry, if your kid is five and doesn't know not to touch dead animals, you've missed teaching a basic lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to work at a place like that

Me too ! Could you give us more info about your company? I love this perk!

My university also has this perk, limited to 15 calendar days per year though. I think it's becoming a more common benefit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone sort of moved by the kid who wanted to help the bird? Honestly I'd forget the nanny, give my kid a hug and thank him for being an empathetic human, and remind him that sometimes sick animals can be dangerous for humans to handle and that it's important that he listen to the adult in charge next time. Done. Trying to get this lady in trouble is ridiculous. I imagine she would have stepped in had he been hurting the bird, which to me is more important.

Ps. I have one of those kids who would have LICKED the injured bird so count your blessings that all he did was carry it home!!

This made me smile. Yes, he thought he could resurrect the bird. We had a long talk about it tonight before bed. Apologies to all for the drama this thread created (those who saw all the deleted posts), and for me overreacting to the situation. I have more perspective now on a lot of things besides a concern about a babysitter.

That's the first thing I thought of. Sweet, helpful boy. Glad you had time to process and get perspective.

+1 Still LMAO about licking the bird though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Babysitter and nannies are scared these days to do anything! I know that in day cares they are not allowed to even say "That is not nice," when a 2 year old hits another two year old. Even on the head! You are supposed to say "can you find something else to do?" Depending on the agency who knows what kind of soft rules they have and what they forbid nannies to do. As for the bird, I would never touch a dead bird, so if a kid picked it up and wouldn't drop it after I said so, I wouldn't touch it for anything.

Truth be told. This is exactly what most parents seem to want, for the sitter to obey the kid. Except when it backfires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. My husband believes that we shouldn't report it, and instead have a SERIOUS talk with my son about not listening. He has just started pushing boundaries, and he didn't know this nanny.

BUT, I wish I had reinforced with her that kids should be asked to wash hands after playing outside. Especially if they picked up road kill. She didn't seem concerned with this.

She came right to you and told you what happened. It seems likely that she assumed you would take care of it. The kid had shown repeatedly that he was not listening to her. She probably thought that the washing was better done under your supervision.

The germs were already transferred when he picked them up, and most 5 years have enough freedom at a park that she probably couldn't have prevented the initial park. I would have still made him put it down, but it wasn't a safety issue if he put it down at the park v home.

Have a talk with your son, implement whatever consequence you use, get rid of the dead bird, and request a different nanny in a way that isn't going to hurt her job. Then tell the next nanny your expectations.

[Anonymous]

I agree with your dh. Your son was at fault. He didn't listen to the babysitter after she said something 3 times. She likely didn't want to use force to get him to drop the bird for fear of getting in trouble.

Don't report the nanny.

I just can't believe how some parents are so blind to heir child's bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. My husband believes that we shouldn't report it, and instead have a SERIOUS talk with my son about not listening. He has just started pushing boundaries, and he didn't know this nanny.

BUT, I wish I had reinforced with her that kids should be asked to wash hands after playing outside. Especially if they picked up road kill. She didn't seem concerned with this.

She came right to you and told you what happened. It seems likely that she assumed you would take care of it. The kid had shown repeatedly that he was not listening to her. She probably thought that the washing was better done under your supervision.

The germs were already transferred when he picked them up, and most 5 years have enough freedom at a park that she probably couldn't have prevented the initial park. I would have still made him put it down, but it wasn't a safety issue if he put it down at the park v home.

Have a talk with your son, implement whatever consequence you use, get rid of the dead bird, and request a different nanny in a way that isn't going to hurt her job. Then tell the next nanny your expectations.

No, she didn't. It was an "Oh, by the way" situation. Before I went to the home office, the nanny, kids and I sat down and talked about rules, consequences, etc. We wrote it down. (Although there wasn't anything in there about dead animals.)

Yes, my 5 year old screwed up big time by not listening to her. He and I had a big talk about that (where he cried, and understands consequences of both not obeying elders and picking up dead animals.) But if I hadn't been there, she would have allowed them to eat fruit with their hands without washing up. Again, my kids know better, but she told them to sit down and eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you really can't win. Problem is, in this area, parents cater to every whim of their child. They make excuses for everything that little johnny does, etc.

So, if she had disciplined him in a way that you didn't find appropriate, she would have been screwed. And if she didn't, she was screwed.

She told your son not to pick it up, he disobeyed her. In my world, that blame is solely on your son. He's 5. He knows how to listen to an adult.

The only way to make a five-year-old drop something is to use physical force. And frankly, a lot of it. How would you have reacted if your sons had reported that the babysitter grabbed your son's arm and shook it hard? What if it left bruises? What if she had to pry the bird out of his hands and he complained that she hurt his fingers? Or scratched him?

She told him to put it down. He disobeyed. At least she had him put in on a plate or something when he got home.

Yes, he should have washed his hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone sort of moved by the kid who wanted to help the bird? Honestly I'd forget the nanny, give my kid a hug and thank him for being an empathetic human, and remind him that sometimes sick animals can be dangerous for humans to handle and that it's important that he listen to the adult in charge next time. Done. Trying to get this lady in trouble is ridiculous. I imagine she would have stepped in had he been hurting the bird, which to me is more important.

Ps. I have one of those kids who would have LICKED the injured bird so count your blessings that all he did was carry it home!!

Absolutely! Maybe a stretch but it made me think of this scene in The Hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone sort of moved by the kid who wanted to help the bird? Honestly I'd forget the nanny, give my kid a hug and thank him for being an empathetic human, and remind him that sometimes sick animals can be dangerous for humans to handle and that it's important that he listen to the adult in charge next time. Done. Trying to get this lady in trouble is ridiculous. I imagine she would have stepped in had he been hurting the bird, which to me is more important.

Ps. I have one of those kids who would have LICKED the injured bird so count your blessings that all he did was carry it home!!

Yes, I've been waiting for someone to say this.

I am in my 40s and I still try to help injured animals. As a kid, I was always taking animals home in shoeboxes. In the last year, I've brought one near-dead possum and one badly hurt bird to wildlife rehabbers. The possum didn't make it. The bird did.

Your kid is compassionate. Your kid wants to help animals. Don't go smacking wildlife out of his hands, unless you want him to loathe you and feel guilt and trauma forever. You should arrange a visit to City Wildlife or another rehab center where your kid can learn the right way to help injured animals, and have someone who works in the field teach him that once an animal is already dead, to leave it be.

I have no idea what you should or shouldn't say to the nanny, but your kid has an interest in animals and should learn the right way to help them.