Parents RSVPing with multiple siblings

[Anonymous]

Be careful with drop off parties and people RSVPing with siblings, because I have had people drop off the invited kid ALONG with that kid's siblings, so free babysitting for those parents!!!

Offer to suggest carpools for people who seem to want to stay and bring siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sent out my first evite to a mix of classmates, neighbors and family friends. I made sure children's names were listed. Family friends RSVPd with entire family - 2 adults 2 kids. Now multiple classmates are RSVPing with 2-3 kids.

I am going to go over my headcount of 20. I can probably pay $30 per sibling for a few but I prefer not. This ia drop off optional. These parents are bringing older kids and younger kids.

What can I do? Just take it as a learning lesson?

In the past, I did paper invitations and parents would ask about siblings.

curious about this - if a parent offers to pay the cost of the extra sibling, is that fine?

I'm not OP, but I think that is insanely rude and puts the host at a disadvantage. The person offering to pay will most likely need to hand the check over to the host herself, which is weird and awkward and no way would I feel ok accepting that at my kids' party. On top of that, is the parent going to pay for the slice of pizza and cake? What about the goody bag? Does the one kid not get a goody bag or is that the host's job as well.

On top of all that, most places have strict limits on the number of people allowed, so even if you pay for your kid, that means one less spot for Larla's friend to attend.

If it's too much of a burden to drop your 7 year old off and pick them up later or find a carpool for them, then politely decline the invite. Your 4 year old should not attend.

NP here and I have told a parent your child can come but can't participate in the activity but is free to hang out with the parent in the waiting area and then join in for pizza and cake and have had several parents do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dono't think it's a good idea to wait and see. I think you need to make a statement across the board. It's totally understandable to say no siblings. But to say "well, some siblings are OK, but your kid isn't" is pretty rude.

Mmmm, no. I invite all of my children's cousins to their birthdays, they are all ages and all of my closest friend's kids. The rest, I only invite the individual child. Why on earth would anyone that doesn't know me assume they can bring a child that was not invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sent out my first evite to a mix of classmates, neighbors and family friends. I made sure children's names were listed. Family friends RSVPd with entire family - 2 adults 2 kids. Now multiple classmates are RSVPing with 2-3 kids.

I am going to go over my headcount of 20. I can probably pay $30 per sibling for a few but I prefer not. This ia drop off optional. These parents are bringing older kids and younger kids.

What can I do? Just take it as a learning lesson?

In the past, I did paper invitations and parents would ask about siblings.

Just try to be understanding. For single parents, or those whose spouse can't watch the other kid, it's very nice when parents allow siblings. Parents should be reasonable and expect that some will ask about siblings. If you can acommodate, it's wonderful.

I totally agree. DH often travels for work and I often have to find a babysitter to watch the sibling that is not invited. If I can't find a babysitter, I usually tell the child that's invited to the party that she can't go which is usually very disappointing.

Not the host's problem.

Why can't YOU watch and entertain your other kids for 90 minutes to two hours? Why is this so hard for DC parents?

Or if it is a place like Flight, check your birthday guest in to the party, then get in line and get tickets for your younger kid and play with him in a separate area away from the party. Whybis it the host's responsibility to pay for what is essentially free sitting for your other kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sent out my first evite to a mix of classmates, neighbors and family friends. I made sure children's names were listed. Family friends RSVPd with entire family - 2 adults 2 kids. Now multiple classmates are RSVPing with 2-3 kids.

I am going to go over my headcount of 20. I can probably pay $30 per sibling for a few but I prefer not. This ia drop off optional. These parents are bringing older kids and younger kids.

What can I do? Just take it as a learning lesson?

In the past, I did paper invitations and parents would ask about siblings.

curious about this - if a parent offers to pay the cost of the extra sibling, is that fine?

No.

"I know you only invited me to your house for dinner, but is it okay if I bring my sister too if I pay for her share of the groceries and wine?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just send another email through Evite with a clarification. Plenty of PPs have given good examples of what to write.

I actually would not mind siblings as long as I don't go over my 24. I thought about it and it's fine if I have to spend another ~150. Lesson learned.

I have 2 children and appreciate when I can bring both kids. Problem is everyone has 1-2 siblings. I cannot accommodate all of them. I invited 18 kids plus my 2 kids for a total of 20. Right now I have 18 kids and half the kids did not yet RSVP. If the remaining ~10 kids RSVP yes, I will be 4 over. If the remaining 10 kids all bring a sibling, I will be 14 over. I am sure not everyone will RSVP yes so hopefully I don't have to have the awkward conversation with too many people.

It might be easier just to say no siblings to all, rather than 4 siblings are ok but the rest are not (might cause some confusion on the day of the party, why did that sibling get to stay when my kid did not). Also keeps all guests in the range of 6-8.

This. If you say yes to siblings until you hit your head count, the parents who are told they can't bring siblings are going to notice that some siblings did get to come. Just send out a note "clarifying" that the party is for the invited kid only, and parents are welcome to drop off the invited kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just pay for the additional siblings. I think it's just rude at this point.

No, what's rude is inviting your other children to a party they weren't invited to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sent out my first evite to a mix of classmates, neighbors and family friends. I made sure children's names were listed. Family friends RSVPd with entire family - 2 adults 2 kids. Now multiple classmates are RSVPing with 2-3 kids.

I am going to go over my headcount of 20. I can probably pay $30 per sibling for a few but I prefer not. This ia drop off optional. These parents are bringing older kids and younger kids.

What can I do? Just take it as a learning lesson?

In the past, I did paper invitations and parents would ask about siblings.

Just try to be understanding. For single parents, or those whose spouse can't watch the other kid, it's very nice when parents allow siblings. Parents should be reasonable and expect that some will ask about siblings. If you can acommodate, it's wonderful.

I totally agree. DH often travels for work and I often have to find a babysitter to watch the sibling that is not invited. If I can't find a babysitter, I usually tell the child that's invited to the party that she can't go which is usually very disappointing.

Whatever. Not the host's problem.

EXACTLY!!!!! And the OP's problem is a drop-off party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sent out my first evite to a mix of classmates, neighbors and family friends. I made sure children's names were listed. Family friends RSVPd with entire family - 2 adults 2 kids. Now multiple classmates are RSVPing with 2-3 kids.

I am going to go over my headcount of 20. I can probably pay $30 per sibling for a few but I prefer not. This ia drop off optional. These parents are bringing older kids and younger kids.

What can I do? Just take it as a learning lesson?

In the past, I did paper invitations and parents would ask about siblings.

Just try to be understanding. For single parents, or those whose spouse can't watch the other kid, it's very nice when parents allow siblings. Parents should be reasonable and expect that some will ask about siblings. If you can acommodate, it's wonderful.

I totally agree. DH often travels for work and I often have to find a babysitter to watch the sibling that is not invited. If I can't find a babysitter, I usually tell the child that's invited to the party that she can't go which is usually very disappointing.

How EVER do you manage in life?

My DH travels for work and I seem to have my shit together. It's a drop off party. Or, you get a friend to take little Aden and you stay home with Emma.

It's amazing you are keeping two children alive.

[Anonymous]

I never add parents and siblings for a few reasons:

It's rude

Nobody at an 8 year olds party really wants 2 year olds running around

My oldest deserves a break to hang with her friends without me and dad and her sib. My youngest doesn't need to think every invitation for older sib is for her too.

[Anonymous]

Here's an idea, OP.

You could contact all the relevant invitees and say something like:

"I am so sorry that we cannot accommodate any additional children at this party. Some parents have asked if it would be okay to bring a sibling if they themselves pay the additional charge. It is not a matter of cost, it is simply that we already are at our absolute maximum number for this party space. We are not permitted to have any more children in the space.

Again, I am very sorry about these limits. It is just a question of safety and space. Thank you for understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that mixing family friends - where you are used to the whole family being invited - and school friends is what made this confusing. When I host my kids parties I always send a separate invitation to school friends and family friends. The school invitations go to "Sam" while the family friend invitation goes to the entire family. I wouldn't invite just one child from a family we socialize with regularly.

NP. I don't think it's confusing at all. When I get an evite from one of my kids' school friends, I know as a matter of course that the only invitee is my child, not his/her sibs. If others on the evite have rsvp'd for more than one child and I don't recognize the name, I assume it's a family friend. But it doesn't make me think "hey! I'll send my other child too, since this person did!" I mean, it's just common sense, you know?

OP, I would email the people who rsvp'd for sibs and be very direct. The mom of one of my DS' friends has, for the last 3 years, tried to shoehorn her much younger daughter into my DS' birthday parties and I always have to have this conversation with her. It's insane. She thinks it's ok to drop her toddler daughter off at a 1st grade boy's pump it up party and have me babysit. Um, nope! Sorry to hijack... This is obviously a sore subject for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sent out my first evite to a mix of classmates, neighbors and family friends. I made sure children's names were listed. Family friends RSVPd with entire family - 2 adults 2 kids. Now multiple classmates are RSVPing with 2-3 kids.

I am going to go over my headcount of 20. I can probably pay $30 per sibling for a few but I prefer not. This ia drop off optional. These parents are bringing older kids and younger kids.

What can I do? Just take it as a learning lesson?

In the past, I did paper invitations and parents would ask about siblings.

Just try to be understanding. For single parents, or those whose spouse can't watch the other kid, it's very nice when parents allow siblings. Parents should be reasonable and expect that some will ask about siblings. If you can acommodate, it's wonderful.

I totally agree. DH often travels for work and I often have to find a babysitter to watch the sibling that is not invited. If I can't find a babysitter, I usually tell the child that's invited to the party that she can't go which is usually very disappointing.

How EVER do you manage in life?

My DH travels for work and I seem to have my shit together. It's a drop off party. Or, you get a friend to take little Aden and you stay home with Emma.

It's amazing you are keeping two children alive.

The PP was a little harsh but yes, that's what carpools and drop off parties are for!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just send another email through Evite with a clarification. Plenty of PPs have given good examples of what to write.

I actually would not mind siblings as long as I don't go over my 24. I thought about it and it's fine if I have to spend another ~150. Lesson learned.

I have 2 children and appreciate when I can bring both kids. Problem is everyone has 1-2 siblings. I cannot accommodate all of them. I invited 18 kids plus my 2 kids for a total of 20. Right now I have 18 kids and half the kids did not yet RSVP. If the remaining ~10 kids RSVP yes, I will be 4 over. If the remaining 10 kids all bring a sibling, I will be 14 over. I am sure not everyone will RSVP yes so hopefully I don't have to have the awkward conversation with too many people.

If there are that many siblings RSVPing, you need to say no siblings, only invitees. That way parents don't get bent out of shape when their child is talking about a child being there who was significantly younger or older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sent out my first evite to a mix of classmates, neighbors and family friends. I made sure children's names were listed. Family friends RSVPd with entire family - 2 adults 2 kids. Now multiple classmates are RSVPing with 2-3 kids.

I am going to go over my headcount of 20. I can probably pay $30 per sibling for a few but I prefer not. This ia drop off optional. These parents are bringing older kids and younger kids.

What can I do? Just take it as a learning lesson?

In the past, I did paper invitations and parents would ask about siblings.

Just try to be understanding. For single parents, or those whose spouse can't watch the other kid, it's very nice when parents allow siblings. Parents should be reasonable and expect that some will ask about siblings. If you can acommodate, it's wonderful.

I totally agree. DH often travels for work and I often have to find a babysitter to watch the sibling that is not invited. If I can't find a babysitter, I usually tell the child that's invited to the party that she can't go which is usually very disappointing.

It's drop-off optional, so why would the other sibling need a babysitter? You drop-off invitee and then take sibling to get ice cream or do something else before picking up from the party. NBD.