How to get DW interested

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, every DW LD story on here, or should I say nearly every story, starts with female DCUM posters coming up with 100 valid reasons why DW doesn't want to have regular sex. Yet, not once do they explain why DW wanted to do it like rabbits with the same exact man (who in many cases hasn't changed) prior to getting married. Outside of having kids and the period associated with a downturn in libido around kids, every other excuse in the book is a joke because these things (stress, headaches, tiredness, how good one is in bed, feeling ugly) were possibilities BEFORE marriage. Face it, Einstein was right. Men marry women and women change. Men stay the same and wonder what happened.

In my experience it is the other way around. I have at least 4 friends and family members who have married men who then had dramatic personality changes in a few years. One became physically abusive, another was an emotionally abusive gaslighting narcissist, another started cheating, you get the idea.

I have sympathy with the OP because I would be irritated if my SO gained 50 pounds as well, but saying categorically women change more after marriage is just not true.

[Anonymous]

Or. You could just make her feel sexy. Fat and all. I had a long term boyfriend who got laid more than he was entitled to because he looked at me every day like a piece of sexy meat. We both knew that I wasn't Angelina Jolie, oozing sex but when you come out of the shower and he goes "damn!", the ego boost kept my legs opened to him constantly.

After getting dressed for a night out, he didn't say, "you look nice honey", he said, "God, you're sexy". Comments like that did wonders for our sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or. You could just make her feel sexy. Fat and all. I had a long term boyfriend who got laid more than he was entitled to because he looked at me every day like a piece of sexy meat. We both knew that I wasn't Angelina Jolie, oozing sex but when you come out of the shower and he goes "damn!", the ego boost kept my legs opened to him constantly.

After getting dressed for a night out, he didn't say, "you look nice honey", he said, "God, you're sexy". Comments like that did wonders for our sex life.

I wish that worked with my DW. Great virtuous cycle. I know she has body image issues, but I think she's sexy. When I try to show her/comment on how sexy I think she is, I get some variation of "you have to say that" -- and if I persist and up the intensity to show I really mean it, she starts to feel pressured for sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Amazingly, women never have any libido problems during the courtship phase. It's shocking I tell you! No headaches, tiredness, chores, feeling non-sexy, etc. etc. before the ring goes on the finger.

Because their men were not treating them like a piece of furniture during that time.

[Anonymous]

OP, no words of wisdom from me. Because trying to keep up with whatever it is you're after is exhausting. (Even more so with young children under your care.) I myself fought a good fight with time and biology. I don't feel like doing that anymore. If I fail to physically attract a male for the rest of my life, it won't be the most terrible thing in the world. I just want to relax a live a little. Have some time for myself, eat what and when I want, not worry about being pretty and all that shit. I'm past that. So are other women, I presume. I realize it sucks for you. Oh well. That's life with another human, my friend. Still better than trying to hack it on your own, I assure you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amazingly, women never have any libido problems during the courtship phase. It's shocking I tell you! No headaches, tiredness, chores, feeling non-sexy, etc. etc. before the ring goes on the finger.

Because their men were not treating them like a piece of furniture during that time.

It's not uncommon for good men who treat their wives well to have bad sex lives. It's also not uncommon for women to have sex with assholes who treat them poorly. So, the evidence for your assertion about causation is pretty thin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, no words of wisdom from me. Because trying to keep up with whatever it is you're after is exhausting. (Even more so with young children under your care.) I myself fought a good fight with time and biology. I don't feel like doing that anymore. If I fail to physically attract a male for the rest of my life, it won't be the most terrible thing in the world. I just want to relax a live a little. Have some time for myself, eat what and when I want, not worry about being pretty and all that shit. I'm past that. So are other women, I presume. I realize it sucks for you. Oh well. That's life with another human, my friend. Still better than trying to hack it on your own, I assure you.

As a DW with a 6 month old and a 2 year old, I disagree with this.
I worked my tail off to get right back in shape and my tummy flat again. I keep my hair long, highlighted regularly, and keep up with manicures, skincare, etc. It's time consuming, yes, but it makes a world of difference when you feel good about yourself. I rarely complain to my husband that I don't feel attractive, because I work my damn hardest to be.
Exercising is tiring, and though I'm not in the mood to have sex 24/7, when I do, self-esteem issues can't be to blame. Feeling sexy does wonders for your self confidence and drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or. You could just make her feel sexy. Fat and all. I had a long term boyfriend who got laid more than he was entitled to because he looked at me every day like a piece of sexy meat. We both knew that I wasn't Angelina Jolie, oozing sex but when you come out of the shower and he goes "damn!", the ego boost kept my legs opened to him constantly.

After getting dressed for a night out, he didn't say, "you look nice honey", he said, "God, you're sexy". Comments like that did wonders for our sex life.

Sounds like a great tip for shallow magazine articles titled, "8 ways to spice up your love life."

Unfortunately such simplistic ideas seldom are of any value with real people. OP's DW has checked out for a reason, and OP telling her she's sexy will not fix it. Unless OP's DW wants to fix it, it will remain broken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, no words of wisdom from me. Because trying to keep up with whatever it is you're after is exhausting. (Even more so with young children under your care.) I myself fought a good fight with time and biology. I don't feel like doing that anymore. If I fail to physically attract a male for the rest of my life, it won't be the most terrible thing in the world. I just want to relax a live a little. Have some time for myself, eat what and when I want, not worry about being pretty and all that shit. I'm past that. So are other women, I presume. I realize it sucks for you. Oh well. That's life with another human, my friend. Still better than trying to hack it on your own, I assure you.

As a DW with a 6 month old and a 2 year old, I disagree with this.
I worked my tail off to get right back in shape and my tummy flat again. I keep my hair long, highlighted regularly, and keep up with manicures, skincare, etc. It's time consuming, yes, but it makes a world of difference when you feel good about yourself. I rarely complain to my husband that I don't feel attractive, because I work my damn hardest to be.
Exercising is tiring, and though I'm not in the mood to have sex 24/7, when I do, self-esteem issues can't be to blame. Feeling sexy does wonders for your self confidence and drive.

Very interesting. You disagree with another person's life experiences and choices? Well, good for you. Have yourself a cookie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, no words of wisdom from me. Because trying to keep up with whatever it is you're after is exhausting. (Even more so with young children under your care.) I myself fought a good fight with time and biology. I don't feel like doing that anymore. If I fail to physically attract a male for the rest of my life, it won't be the most terrible thing in the world. I just want to relax a live a little. Have some time for myself, eat what and when I want, not worry about being pretty and all that shit. I'm past that. So are other women, I presume. I realize it sucks for you. Oh well. That's life with another human, my friend. Still better than trying to hack it on your own, I assure you.

NP. DH here. I doubt it. I'm more than capable of doing it all myself. I'd be happier on my own taking care of my son than living with a lazy DW who didn't give a shit about me. This is what I refer to as "addition by subtraction."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, no words of wisdom from me. Because trying to keep up with whatever it is you're after is exhausting. (Even more so with young children under your care.) I myself fought a good fight with time and biology. I don't feel like doing that anymore. If I fail to physically attract a male for the rest of my life, it won't be the most terrible thing in the world. I just want to relax a live a little. Have some time for myself, eat what and when I want, not worry about being pretty and all that shit. I'm past that. So are other women, I presume. I realize it sucks for you. Oh well. That's life with another human, my friend. Still better than trying to hack it on your own, I assure you.

NP. DH here. I doubt it. I'm more than capable of doing it all myself. I'd be happier on my own taking care of my son than living with a lazy DW who didn't give a shit about me. This is what I refer to as "addition by subtraction."

Some people are relationship vampires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, no words of wisdom from me. Because trying to keep up with whatever it is you're after is exhausting. (Even more so with young children under your care.) I myself fought a good fight with time and biology. I don't feel like doing that anymore. If I fail to physically attract a male for the rest of my life, it won't be the most terrible thing in the world. I just want to relax a live a little. Have some time for myself, eat what and when I want, not worry about being pretty and all that shit. I'm past that. So are other women, I presume. I realize it sucks for you. Oh well. That's life with another human, my friend. Still better than trying to hack it on your own, I assure you.

NP. DH here. I doubt it. I'm more than capable of doing it all myself. I'd be happier on my own taking care of my son than living with a lazy DW who didn't give a shit about me. This is what I refer to as "addition by subtraction."

Come back after your divorce, and we'll compare notes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, no words of wisdom from me. Because trying to keep up with whatever it is you're after is exhausting. (Even more so with young children under your care.) I myself fought a good fight with time and biology. I don't feel like doing that anymore. If I fail to physically attract a male for the rest of my life, it won't be the most terrible thing in the world. I just want to relax a live a little. Have some time for myself, eat what and when I want, not worry about being pretty and all that shit. I'm past that. So are other women, I presume. I realize it sucks for you. Oh well. That's life with another human, my friend. Still better than trying to hack it on your own, I assure you.

NP. DH here. I doubt it. I'm more than capable of doing it all myself. I'd be happier on my own taking care of my son than living with a lazy DW who didn't give a shit about me. This is what I refer to as "addition by subtraction."

Come back after your divorce, and we'll compare notes.

Sorry, BTDT. It was still better.

[Anonymous]

^^^ Meant to say "better without her"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amazingly, women never have any libido problems during the courtship phase. It's shocking I tell you! No headaches, tiredness, chores, feeling non-sexy, etc. etc. before the ring goes on the finger.

Because their men were not treating them like a piece of furniture during that time.

It's not uncommon for good men who treat their wives well to have bad sex lives. It's also not uncommon for women to have sex with assholes who treat them poorly. So, the evidence for your assertion about causation is pretty thin.

The evidence that this is ALWAYS the case is thin. But this is human psychology, not physics. Of course there are exceptions. There are 3 billion people, and each of them is a unique individual. Just because there are exceptions doesn't mean it is not true for MANY or the MAJORITY of couples.