When Mom's salary breaks even with daycare....

[Anonymous]

Just the fact that the title of this thread isn't "When one parent's salary breaks even with daycare..." should show you that, yes, this IS a feminist issue.

--WOHM who brings in more than her husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you really want to be away from your children for 40-50 hours per week and do the "commute, drop off, pickup, quick make dinner, bed bath rush in a couple hours before bedtime" scramble for 401 k funding?

I wouldn't be able to make it through the day knowing I was spending that time away from my kids for so little.

You don't know what other benefits she receives from working, and I don't mean healthcare. I mean her own growth, development, stimulation etc. Who are you to judge based only on her salary and call that "so little"?

If you love being a SAHM, enjoy away, but many of us feel we are better role models and happier people as working moms. This idea of sitting home with your kids all day is a recent one. Back in the day, moms were not staying home with their kids playing games to develop their vocabulary. The kids were all playing together while mom did laundry and worked hard in the house/on the farm/whatever for the survival of the family. They just weren't doing it in an office. Somehow the human race survived. It takes a village, remember? The idea of being a SAHM is a recent luxury.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just the fact that the title of this thread isn't "When one parent's salary breaks even with daycare..." should show you that, yes, this IS a feminist issue.

--WOHM who brings in more than her husband

So so true. Was just discussing this at work today with female colleagues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you really want to be away from your children for 40-50 hours per week and do the "commute, drop off, pickup, quick make dinner, bed bath rush in a couple hours before bedtime" scramble for 401 k funding?

I wouldn't be able to make it through the day knowing I was spending that time away from my kids for so little.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really want to be away from your children for 40-50 hours per week and do the "commute, drop off, pickup, quick make dinner, bed bath rush in a couple hours before bedtime" scramble for 401 k funding?

I wouldn't be able to make it through the day knowing I was spending that time away from my kids for so little.

+1.

You must never have had a job you truly loved and were great at if you think the only metric of whether a job is "worth it" is the salary.

[Anonymous]

My husbands salary is the one that "breaks even" with daycare and not one person has suggested he stay home after the kiddo is born. Which is the opposite experience of his pregnant female colleague. Such a double standard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husbands salary is the one that "breaks even" with daycare and not one person has suggested he stay home after the kiddo is born. Which is the opposite experience of his pregnant female colleague. Such a double standard!

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husbands salary is the one that "breaks even" with daycare and not one person has suggested he stay home after the kiddo is born. Which is the opposite experience of his pregnant female colleague. Such a double standard!

Exactly.

This was our experience when I was expecting twins. I was a senior associate at a law firm, making almost $300k, and my husband was making $110k as a government employee. Not one person asked if he was planning to stay home, but many people asked me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To think long-term.

+1

Now that kids are in school my salary, which is higher because of raises and promotions, is a great addition to the family budget. And I have a healthy TSP growing.

Instead of thinking of daycare coming out of mom's salary, why not think of it as a family expense from the overall budget including dad's salary?

NP. Because it's a cost that only exists with both parents working. For accounting purposes, it comes out of the salary of whoever would be the one to stay home. It's just basic economics, no reason to make it a feminist stand.

I agree with you. That poster says the same thing in every post relating to this.

Are you really that stupid that you can't see how sexist this is? Damn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To think long-term.

+1

Now that kids are in school my salary, which is higher because of raises and promotions, is a great addition to the family budget. And I have a healthy TSP growing.

Instead of thinking of daycare coming out of mom's salary, why not think of it as a family expense from the overall budget including dad's salary?

NP. Because it's a cost that only exists with both parents working. For accounting purposes, it comes out of the salary of whoever would be the one to stay home. It's just basic economics, no reason to make it a feminist stand.

I agree with you. That poster says the same thing in every post relating to this.

Are you really that stupid that you can't see how sexist this is? Damn.

When a dad can stay home and breast feed his children then maybe it won't be sexist. But until then, there are differences in the sexes. Or do you really want males and females to be totally equal? Give away your unique female abilities?

[Anonymous]

I have never, as a kid (that I can remember) or as an adult thought: "I wish I had had a SAHM." Some people feel differently, I know, but I think it's a false premise that being home with your kids is inherently more valuable (to you or to them) than working. It's all about individual circumstances and preferences, and no one should judge others who feel differently.

I could have written this. Plus, I would have never been able to go to college without my mother's financial help. I have nothing but the utmost admiration for what my mother did by working. Now that I am in my 50's, I am glad that I did not stay at home with my children. I am at a point where I may want to retire early and I will be able to do that since I have the years required to get a decent pension (and money in the 401K).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To think long-term.

+1

Now that kids are in school my salary, which is higher because of raises and promotions, is a great addition to the family budget. And I have a healthy TSP growing.

Instead of thinking of daycare coming out of mom's salary, why not think of it as a family expense from the overall budget including dad's salary?

NP. Because it's a cost that only exists with both parents working. For accounting purposes, it comes out of the salary of whoever would be the one to stay home. It's just basic economics, no reason to make it a feminist stand.

I agree with you. That poster says the same thing in every post relating to this.

Are you really that stupid that you can't see how sexist this is? Damn.

When a dad can stay home and breast feed his children then maybe it won't be sexist. But until then, there are differences in the sexes. Or do you really want males and females to be totally equal? Give away your unique female abilities?

Oh yeah, I forgot, there are absolute no mechanisms by which an infant can eat if the mother is not within arm's reach

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To think long-term.

+1

Now that kids are in school my salary, which is higher because of raises and promotions, is a great addition to the family budget. And I have a healthy TSP growing.

Instead of thinking of daycare coming out of mom's salary, why not think of it as a family expense from the overall budget including dad's salary?

NP. Because it's a cost that only exists with both parents working. For accounting purposes, it comes out of the salary of whoever would be the one to stay home. It's just basic economics, no reason to make it a feminist stand.

I agree with you. That poster says the same thing in every post relating to this.

Are you really that stupid that you can't see how sexist this is? Damn.

When a dad can stay home and breast feed his children then maybe it won't be sexist. But until then, there are differences in the sexes. Or do you really want males and females to be totally equal? Give away your unique female abilities?

News flash: lots of working moms breastfeed. I did until 18 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To think long-term.

+1

Now that kids are in school my salary, which is higher because of raises and promotions, is a great addition to the family budget. And I have a healthy TSP growing.

Instead of thinking of daycare coming out of mom's salary, why not think of it as a family expense from the overall budget including dad's salary?

NP. Because it's a cost that only exists with both parents working. For accounting purposes, it comes out of the salary of whoever would be the one to stay home. It's just basic economics, no reason to make it a feminist stand.

I agree with you. That poster says the same thing in every post relating to this.

Are you really that stupid that you can't see how sexist this is? Damn.

When a dad can stay home and breast feed his children then maybe it won't be sexist. But until then, there are differences in the sexes. Or do you really want males and females to be totally equal? Give away your unique female abilities?

News flash: lots of working moms breastfeed. I did until 18 months.

Not saying it isn't possible to pump and store milk. But statistically speaking most mothers drastically reduce or completely stop breast feeding after returning to work. Which is a poor choice health wise for your child. And there is nothing a Father can do to produce their own milk. Is that sexist? Or is that just biology?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To think long-term.

+1

Now that kids are in school my salary, which is higher because of raises and promotions, is a great addition to the family budget. And I have a healthy TSP growing.

Instead of thinking of daycare coming out of mom's salary, why not think of it as a family expense from the overall budget including dad's salary?

NP. Because it's a cost that only exists with both parents working. For accounting purposes, it comes out of the salary of whoever would be the one to stay home. It's just basic economics, no reason to make it a feminist stand.

I agree with you. That poster says the same thing in every post relating to this.

Are you really that stupid that you can't see how sexist this is? Damn.

When a dad can stay home and breast feed his children then maybe it won't be sexist. But until then, there are differences in the sexes. Or do you really want males and females to be totally equal? Give away your unique female abilities?

News flash: lots of working moms breastfeed. I did until 18 months.

Not saying it isn't possible to pump and store milk. But statistically speaking most mothers drastically reduce or completely stop breast feeding after returning to work. Which is a poor choice health wise for your child. And there is nothing a Father can do to produce their own milk. Is that sexist? Or is that just biology?

Frankly, whether another family chooses to breastfeed or not is none of your business, is what it is.