My dog is ill and very aggressive. Need advice.

[Anonymous]

Please update about your pooch. Did you get a new diagnosis from the vet? Have you removed him from your home?

[Anonymous]

I would get a new vet. That one is totally insane and is going to be one of those "won't put a dog down for any reason" types.

[Anonymous]

I told your story to a vet friend of mine and she was appalled the vet wouldn't take your dog until it could be weaned and then reassessed. She is a mother of 2, FWIW, one of them a newborn, and was concerned about the danger to your children (and you).

[Anonymous]

In your first post, you said the dog had to be taken out every hour. Is your DH REALLY going to take the dog out by himself every hour? Does he work outside of the home? What about at night?
You said you were sleepless and crazy because of you both doing this. Is your husband seriously going to do take all of this over? How is that even possible from what you described?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was the PP who said your husband is insane. Full disclosure: I should acknowledge that I was mauled by a relative's elderly dog when I was a kid.

Look at your gauze and your wounds and imagine seeing those gashes on your toddler or your soon-to-be infant. I have scars on my face 35 years after my attack, but my parents and sibling (who saw the whole thing and the aftermath) were even more scarred. And I never could forgive the relative whose dog did this to me, even though she was a saint of a person. Now, imagine how your kids will feel - or your neighbors will feel - if they are the victims who were left at risk by your unwillingness to do what is right.

You seem very proud that you're "equals" in your marriage. Equality does not mean acquiescing to stupidity and recklessness with your children's lives. If you're not willing to protect your kids, I hope that someone who knows your story has the sense to call Animal Control and get the dog out of your house.

OP here. I do exactly this. All the time. Every time I move and it hurts. It's all I think about. For the second bold, what is it you are recommending I do? Seriously, spell it out for me in clear language. I want the dog gone. My husband does not. You accuse me of stupidity and recklessness. What can I possibly do here?!? I'm honestly asking what DCUM is advising me to do. I read over and over the smart thing to do is put down the dog, but there's no advice on how to do that if my partner is not willing.

I AM proud that we are equals. It took years but we have equal share of chores, childcare, and compromises. You don't need to put it in quotes. We make decisions together. I'm not preaching, but simply explaining what I would be jeopardizing if I issued an ultimatum. Dog lives = marriage is good, kids in danger. Dog dies = marriage falls apart, kids are safe. I HATE those choices. There's got to be another option. Please help.

Still waiting on the latest test results. The peeing has slowed down some now that the dog is on a reduced dosage, but it's still every 2-3 hours. Yes, my husband does all of those. He puts towels and pee pads down when he goes to work. I wash the towels when I get home; husband cleans up any messes and bathes the dog.

[Anonymous]

You seem to have skipped over all the advice given if you only read over and over to put the dog down. Here are some options given:
1.
Call the vet and "demand" they take the dog, explain again the aggression. Is there a practice manager you could talk to? Review how dangerous this is for you and their refusal to help you.
2. Take your child and go to a hotel, at least until this is resolved more. If you have money for vet visits and 15 pills daily, and planning on more dog treatment, you can afford a hotel room for a few nights.
3. Call your OB and/or ped and explain the situation, ask their advice and get your husband involved and aware of their suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem to have skipped over all the advice given if you only read over and over to put the dog down. Here are some options given:
1.
Call the vet and "demand" they take the dog, explain again the aggression. Is there a practice manager you could talk to? Review how dangerous this is for you and their refusal to help you.
2. Take your child and go to a hotel, at least until this is resolved more. If you have money for vet visits and 15 pills daily, and planning on more dog treatment, you can afford a hotel room for a few nights.
3. Call your OB and/or ped and explain the situation, ask their advice and get your husband involved and aware of their suggestions.

Yes to these. Plus:

4) Find a new vet with a boarding facility who will take the dog in the interim. Your vet is not the only vet in town.

I AM proud that we are equals. It took years but we have equal share of chores, childcare, and compromises. You don't need to put it in quotes. We make decisions together. I'm not preaching, but simply explaining what I would be jeopardizing if I issued an ultimatum. Dog lives = marriage is good, kids in danger. Dog dies = marriage falls apart, kids are safe. I HATE those choices. There's got to be another option. Please help.

Remember the quotation from Animal Farm about "All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others?" Three observations:

1) Your dog should not get an equal consideration when the safety of your child or yourself is at stake.
2) You are bending over backwards for your husband. What has he done to show that he is treating you *as an equal human whose safety comes before the dog's* in this situation? You sound like you are doing all the compromising. Why is he holding the veto power here? How is he treating you as an equal in the decision-making process? What is he doing to go out of his way to make this situation tolerable, like for example calling around to find a medical boarding facility?
3) If your marriage is going to fall apart if the dog dies because of a rational decision that he is no longer a safe family pet, you don't actually have as strong a marriage as you think.

There is a third option that I wonder whether you have considered: Dog bites wife, husband, or child, potentially causing serious injury, infection, scarring, and God forbid worse. What happens to marriage then? Do you think you will be able to forgive your husband or yourself if the worst comes to pass? Will your marriage hold up under that pressure?

I am truly sorry that you are in such a terrible situation. You sound like you are not only in physical pain from your injuries (not to mention the physical and emotional strain of late pregnancy/caring for a toddler, which is pretty much a hard situation no matter what) but you are bending over backwards to show your husband how much you love and respect his bond with the dog. My concern is that at least from what you are telling us here, he is not bending over backwards to show you and your child how much he loves and respects you and wants you both to *feel* safe and *be* safe.

[Anonymous]

This is not the only vet in town. You have placed yourself in a false dilemma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem to have skipped over all the advice given if you only read over and over to put the dog down. Here are some options given:
1.
Call the vet and "demand" they take the dog, explain again the aggression. Is there a practice manager you could talk to? Review how dangerous this is for you and their refusal to help you.
2. Take your child and go to a hotel, at least until this is resolved more. If you have money for vet visits and 15 pills daily, and planning on more dog treatment, you can afford a hotel room for a few nights.
3. Call your OB and/or ped and explain the situation, ask their advice and get your husband involved and aware of their suggestions.

Yes to these. Plus:

4) Find a new vet with a boarding facility who will take the dog in the interim. Your vet is not the only vet in town.

I AM proud that we are equals. It took years but we have equal share of chores, childcare, and compromises. You don't need to put it in quotes. We make decisions together. I'm not preaching, but simply explaining what I would be jeopardizing if I issued an ultimatum. Dog lives = marriage is good, kids in danger. Dog dies = marriage falls apart, kids are safe. I HATE those choices. There's got to be another option. Please help.

Remember the quotation from Animal Farm about "All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others?" Three observations:

1) Your dog should not get an equal consideration when the safety of your child or yourself is at stake.
2) You are bending over backwards for your husband. What has he done to show that he is treating you *as an equal human whose safety comes before the dog's* in this situation? You sound like you are doing all the compromising. Why is he holding the veto power here? How is he treating you as an equal in the decision-making process? What is he doing to go out of his way to make this situation tolerable, like for example calling around to find a medical boarding facility?
3) If your marriage is going to fall apart if the dog dies because of a rational decision that he is no longer a safe family pet, you don't actually have as strong a marriage as you think.

There is a third option that I wonder whether you have considered: Dog bites wife, husband, or child, potentially causing serious injury, infection, scarring, and God forbid worse. What happens to marriage then? Do you think you will be able to forgive your husband or yourself if the worst comes to pass? Will your marriage hold up under that pressure?

I am truly sorry that you are in such a terrible situation. You sound like you are not only in physical pain from your injuries (not to mention the physical and emotional strain of late pregnancy/caring for a toddler, which is pretty much a hard situation no matter what) but you are bending over backwards to show your husband how much you love and respect his bond with the dog. My concern is that at least from what you are telling us here, he is not bending over backwards to show you and your child how much he loves and respects you and wants you both to *feel* safe and *be* safe.

+1,000,000. This person has excellent advice. I have dogs myself, but I would be a lousy parent if my child's safety was compromised because of a failure to act on my part.

[Anonymous]

OP, me again with the scarred face from a childhood dog attack. What you're describing is not a marriage of equals; what you describe is a world in which it's your husband's way or the highway (even if that highway leads straight to the ER.)

I am a raging feminist and I'm dumbfounded (and depressed) to imagine someone who would justify the unwillingness to protect themselves or a child on the ground of maintaining equality between spouses. If your husband thought it was OK for your toddler to play with a loaded gun, would you go along with that? Making decisions together doesn't give one partner free reign to endanger another, or to endanger their children. Your primary responsibility is NOT to protect your husband's precious 50% vote, but to protect yourself and your child.

There are plenty of compromise solutions that PPs have offered, and there are probably others too. But fixating on a false dilemma - kill the dog or kill the marriage - makes it sound like you've lost sight of what matters here: your family's safety. You are not safe until you and your child are in a different location than the dog.

[Anonymous]

In a contest that pits my DH's opinion vs a real and present threat to my child's safety, there is, simply NO CONTEST. Get your child, go stay in a hotel. It's not safe for your child to be in the same house with that dog. Period. You don't have to put the dog down. But you can't have the dog and your kid in the same house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was the PP who said your husband is insane. Full disclosure: I should acknowledge that I was mauled by a relative's elderly dog when I was a kid.

Look at your gauze and your wounds and imagine seeing those gashes on your toddler or your soon-to-be infant. I have scars on my face 35 years after my attack, but my parents and sibling (who saw the whole thing and the aftermath) were even more scarred. And I never could forgive the relative whose dog did this to me, even though she was a saint of a person. Now, imagine how your kids will feel - or your neighbors will feel - if they are the victims who were left at risk by your unwillingness to do what is right.

You seem very proud that you're "equals" in your marriage. Equality does not mean acquiescing to stupidity and recklessness with your children's lives. If you're not willing to protect your kids, I hope that someone who knows your story has the sense to call Animal Control and get the dog out of your house.

OP here. I do exactly this. All the time. Every time I move and it hurts. It's all I think about. For the second bold, what is it you are recommending I do? Seriously, spell it out for me in clear language. I want the dog gone. My husband does not. You accuse me of stupidity and recklessness. What can I possibly do here?!? I'm honestly asking what DCUM is advising me to do. I read over and over the smart thing to do is put down the dog, but there's no advice on how to do that if my partner is not willing.

I AM proud that we are equals. It took years but we have equal share of chores, childcare, and compromises. You don't need to put it in quotes. We make decisions together. I'm not preaching, but simply explaining what I would be jeopardizing if I issued an ultimatum. Dog lives = marriage is good, kids in danger. Dog dies = marriage falls apart, kids are safe. I HATE those choices. There's got to be another option. Please help.

Still waiting on the latest test results. The peeing has slowed down some now that the dog is on a reduced dosage, but it's still every 2-3 hours. Yes, my husband does all of those. He puts towels and pee pads down when he goes to work. I wash the towels when I get home; husband cleans up any messes and bathes the dog.

You can LEAVE. You can check yourself and your child into a hotel (friends house? women's shelter? anywhere is better than where you are right now!!), and tell your DH that when he can prove that 1. the dog is no longer a threat or 2. the dog is GONE, you will come back with kiddo.

Or, you could call the police and report the dog bite and the fact that you and your husband are endangering the child. They will require the dog to leave, or the child to leave, and will call child services to make sure it happens.

OR - you can lock your husband out with the dog and tell him he can't come back until the dog is being boarded at a medical facility until it's no longer dangerous. A second vets opinion is necessary anyway at this point. And I think YOU should be at the appointment to get it, so that the vet can actually see all the damage the dog did to you and look you in the eye while they make the recommendation that you take it home and wait things out.

You have options. Really, and truly, you have options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was the PP who said your husband is insane. Full disclosure: I should acknowledge that I was mauled by a relative's elderly dog when I was a kid.

Look at your gauze and your wounds and imagine seeing those gashes on your toddler or your soon-to-be infant. I have scars on my face 35 years after my attack, but my parents and sibling (who saw the whole thing and the aftermath) were even more scarred. And I never could forgive the relative whose dog did this to me, even though she was a saint of a person. Now, imagine how your kids will feel - or your neighbors will feel - if they are the victims who were left at risk by your unwillingness to do what is right.

You seem very proud that you're "equals" in your marriage. Equality does not mean acquiescing to stupidity and recklessness with your children's lives. If you're not willing to protect your kids, I hope that someone who knows your story has the sense to call Animal Control and get the dog out of your house.

OP here. I do exactly this. All the time. Every time I move and it hurts. It's all I think about. For the second bold, what is it you are recommending I do? Seriously, spell it out for me in clear language. I want the dog gone. My husband does not. You accuse me of stupidity and recklessness. What can I possibly do here?!? I'm honestly asking what DCUM is advising me to do. I read over and over the smart thing to do is put down the dog, but there's no advice on how to do that if my partner is not willing.

I AM proud that we are equals. It took years but we have equal share of chores, childcare, and compromises. You don't need to put it in quotes. We make decisions together. I'm not preaching, but simply explaining what I would be jeopardizing if I issued an ultimatum. Dog lives = marriage is good, kids in danger. Dog dies = marriage falls apart, kids are safe. I HATE those choices. There's got to be another option. Please help.

Still waiting on the latest test results. The peeing has slowed down some now that the dog is on a reduced dosage, but it's still every 2-3 hours. Yes, my husband does all of those. He puts towels and pee pads down when he goes to work. I wash the towels when I get home; husband cleans up any messes and bathes the dog.

You can LEAVE. You can check yourself and your child into a hotel (friends house? women's shelter? anywhere is better than where you are right now!!), and tell your DH that when he can prove that 1. the dog is no longer a threat or 2. the dog is GONE, you will come back with kiddo.

Or, you could call the police and report the dog bite and the fact that you and your husband are endangering the child. They will require the dog to leave, or the child to leave, and will call child services to make sure it happens.

OR - you can lock your husband out with the dog and tell him he can't come back until the dog is being boarded at a medical facility until it's no longer dangerous. A second vets opinion is necessary anyway at this point. And I think YOU should be at the appointment to get it, so that the vet can actually see all the damage the dog did to you and look you in the eye while they make the recommendation that you take it home and wait things out.

You have options. Really, and truly, you have options.

Same PP here. You said your family is out of town. How far? Can you get to them? Can someone take you to them? Can they come get you? This is an EMERGENCY. If there is anyone out there that you can call in an EMERGENCY (life threatening here - you are 8 months pregnant with a toddler and major dog bite wounds) that will come and help at the drop of a hat, now is the time to call them. Go to them, stay until your baby comes if you must (I promise, your husband will live).

Also, as soon as this immediate crisis has passed, get yourself to therapy.

[Anonymous]

Hope you've finally put your foot down, OP. With a toddler and one on the way, it's time to stop being a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Equality is absolutely important in a marriage. So is physical safety. So is trust. OP, do you trust your husband to make good decisions that keep you and your children physically safe right now? Can he guarantee your safety?

If that answer is anything other than a 100% unqualified yes, please do *whatever it takes* to get yourself and your children to a place of physical safety. A hotel. A friend's house. A family member's house. A shelter. Whatever it takes.

Loving your husband does not mean showing that love by putting yourself or your children at risk of physical harm.